


Mary & Sue, Or the Tragical History...

by Redone, saphsaq



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force boys and Earth girls, Jedi, Mary Sue, Sith, cliches, silliness warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:59:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redone/pseuds/Redone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/saphsaq/pseuds/saphsaq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the classical Mary Sue at its best, so of course, the story will follow all rules of classical marysuedom, which means, there are some hot Force-boys, some absolutely irresistible Earth-girls (what did you think? Why would we want to write about being ugly, stupid and in general unremarkable?), some action, some funny stuff, some hot stuff, and a whole lot of general silliness. But it is not humour -- marysuedom is a serious business.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How allah sent us a camel

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon's new rain gear...
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. Although the whole story is for entertainment, we don't intend blasphemy.

**The Camel: Sue’s POV**

_Werroma ist ein Zauberland_.

That’s what I said to Mary when we made plans to spend some time in my grandparents' house in a region called Werroma. It is a wonderful place to write. And that’s what we wanted.

Today it certainly didn’t look wonderful. It was all bleary, muddy, desolate, and cold. So were we. We had taken the early morning train to town to buy some food, and since the weather looked nice, we had innocently left behind all umbrellas, raincapes and other protective gear. Now on our way back, we cursed ourselves, watching an unusually evil-looking bank of blue-black clouds and the torrents of rain washing down the window of the coach.

”Well,” I sighed finally, ”as someone once said to me, ‘we aren’t made of sugar’. I curled myself deeper into the upholstery, to store a bit of the coach’s heating if possible. Imagination was as good as any windbreaker on the way home.

”I wish I was,” Mary said, ”that would end the suffering.” She snorted softly to herself and continued, ”Did you notice, we’re running out of wood?”

"I did. Incidentally, it's your turn to cut wood. Ha ha."

The reply was a sigh. Her hand ran in a desperate gesture over her short hair.

The train slowed to a stop. We shouldered our packs, wishing, not for the first time, that we had a camel or two at our disposal, and got off. The train let out a mournful hoot and disappeared behind the bend.

It was then that I noticed the man. He had been standing on the other side of the track, hidden by the train. He was soaking wet and haggard-looking, and I would have thought he was just another drunkard, except that …

I nudged Mary.

”Look there!”

”Yeah,” she said. ”Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

”I think there’s a dude dressed up as Qui-Gon. A very wet-looking Qui-Gon.”

We laughed at the absurdity of it.

”Oh Mary, didn’t I tell you this is a wonderland? The first thing we come upon is a stray Jedi … but whoever he is, he seems to be a stranger here. It seems he needs help … I wonder who he’s waiting for.”

”For us.” Surely she was joking. No! She was serious! She waved to the lone figure. ”Sir?”

As he stood in front of us I had my first chance to look in a pair of eyes that were the most unearthly shade of sky-blue...

Mary cuffed my side. Ah, well... For a moment I considered addressing him as "Master Jedi" but then thought the poor soaked sod would not appreciate the irony, so I just asked: ”Need help?”

His answer was simple and nice: ”Actually, I was trying to find some accommodation around here, and something to eat.”

I looked at Mary. She nodded. I said, ”Well, folks round here aren’t very hospitable … but we’ve a free room in the attic.”

And I added in my mind,  _It seems Allah is great. He has heard our prayers and sent us our camel._

A grateful smile brightened his face. "That's very kind of you, ladies, and I would gladly take your offer; but perhaps you should know..."

”We are soaked already, no need to stand here and wait till we get even more wet. Let’s go.” Often Mary’s spontaneity was annoying, but this time I couldn’t hate her. So again we shouldered our packs—this time with the help of a Jedi dude.

So we trudged on, defying torrents of rain. Even dogs didn’t disturb us — they, evidently, preferred their dry and snug houses, knowing they would get us another day.   
    
   

 **I am Obi-Wan Kenobi: Sue’s POV**    
    
 

A kitchen is a paradise when a fire is burning in the oven, the number of pancakes on a plate is constantly increasing, and the rain is confined to regions beyond windows.

Finding dry clothes for someone like Qui-Gon wasn't easy, even in a house where generations of grandmothers had stored every piece of cloth they could lay their hands on. At last I managed to find some old training pants, which were somewhat short for him, but otherwise passable, and a T-shirt.

”So,” I said, to strike up a conversation, ”What should we call you, O kind sir?”

”My name is Qui-Gon Jinn.”

”No shit,” Mary giggled over a pile of plates that she was laying out on the table, ”And I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

The man regarded her seriously. ”No, you are not.”

We rolled our eyes. We were trying to joke, but he was dead serious.

”OK, I said, ”Qui-Gon is as good a name as any other, so let’s suppose you’re Qui-Gon. She’s Mary and I’m Sue.”

The pancakes were ready; we sat down to eat. He was obviously very hungry, and I knew Mary loved my pancakes, so I watched the two of them and felt very pleased with myself.

However, only two pancakes later Mary wiped her mouth, winked me and got straight to the point: ”So tell us, mister Qui-Gon Jinn, what are you doing in this galaxy far, far away?”

”I’m on a mission … of sorts,” Qui-Gon replied calmly. ”I’m trying to find a … person who I believe must be on this planet—actually somewhere nearby. I was following him very closely until something happened to my ship.”

As we prodded on with our questions (all the time making a point of appearing deadly serious), he told us how he had been in an unusual phenomenon that he called a Force-storm, how he had lost his prey, and just barely managed to land in a clearing in the woods. He had been on the planet for two nights and days (cycles, he called them), and local inhabitants had not been very welcoming, twice they had even set their dogs on him — they obviously had never heard of a Jedi knight.

”You bet they haven’t,” I commented.

”I told ya, people aren’t very  _gastfreundlich_  here,” Mary added.

”But you are.”

”Well, maybe because you look like Qui-Gon Jinn,” I said.

Solemnly, our guest responded, ”But I  _am_  Qui-Gon Jinn.” Fascinating, how sincere the man was about his identity.

”Sure — and you’re a Jedi master too.”

”Yes, I am.”

”With a lightsabre and all?”

His hand moved reflexively to his belt, apparently for the lightsabre that should have been there, but wasn't. A slight embarrassed smile crooked his mouth as he said simply, "Yes."

I exchanged a glance with Mary.  _1:0 for him,_  her frown said, and,  _he’s too daring_. But I winked:  _I like this game!_

”Very delicious,” said Mary, terminating our mute dispute and dished out the last pancakes.

After we had finished the short snack, it was still raining and we couldn’t go outside, so we just spent the evening in the living room, watching TV and talking.

I got the warm feeling of becoming more and more acquainted with the stranger until Mary referred to the forecast. ”Unbelievable. It looks we shall have a warm spell. After all this erratic weather … how nice.”

”Yes,” seconded our guest, ”I didn’t expect that either. Usually these Force-storms aren’t over so fast.”

Mary cast an ironical pitiful look at him, ”’Course, Force-storm.”

”Perhaps you don’t refer to this phenomenon with exactly the same word …”

”Yes, we call it ‘ordinary thunderstorm’” Mary snapped. Oh, I wished she would mind her manners — I felt I had to join in: ”No, Mary, this wasn’t just a simple and ordinary thunderstorm — remember the discussion in the media. And didn't the aurora borealis appear last night?”

”These may be by-products of a Force-storm, if your planet passes through its sphere of influence,” Qui-Gon said in his reserved manner.

Mary took a deep breath and pulled viciously at her short hair. ”Sure. El Nino gets a counterpart — El Nina. The polar ice will melt and the whole of Bangladesh will be drowned. The time you can go unprotected in the sun in Australia is decreasing to five seconds. And doomsday is in 12 — no, 11 — or was it 13? — years. And tall, blonde folks with blue eyes will come from a northern direction with flying saucers and take us away to carry out strange experiments. Have you come from north?”

”Mary!” I cried indignantly, glancing apologetically over to our guest. But he didn’t seem to feel insulted. Quite the contrary, he showed interest.

”Seen from your point of view, it is valid to associate these phenomena with exclusively earth-bound causes — I understand that intergalactic travel is barely developed on this planet. I think you have extensive knowledge about this planet — more than most people have about their home planets. But you don’t know about the sky,” was Qui-Gon’s answer.

”How nice — we’re THE natives. Hopefully you have some pearls of glass to pay us.” Mary was obviously not amused at the direction our talk was taking.

The tall man was puzzled. ”Why would you need pearls of glass?”

Mary rolled her eyes. I tried to explain this to the man, and he nodded. ”I am sorry that I have given the impression that I was disdaining you or your homeworld. This was not my intention. I apologize.”

”Apology accepted,” I waved my hand at Mary’s snort. ”So. Taking up where you left off— we don’t know about the sky. You know. If you tell us, then we know, too.”

”What would you like to know?”

”Anything. Like what’s a Force-storm?”

Qui-Gon sighed and closed his eyes. ”It’s not easy to explain … I’d have to start with the basics.”

”A disturbance in the Force,” Mary interrupted. I giggled. Just a couple of days ago we had been joking about certain ”disturbances in the Force.”

Our guest, however, looked at us with some interest and said, ”Exactly. A  _severe_  one.”

”What does it look like?”

”Look like? I wouldn't describe it as looking like anything … but anyway, the ship rocked heavily and lost all direction, all controls broke down, G-force rocked up and down I could easily have ended up in a star before I even noticed.”

”Lucky you,” I commented.

”Good ol’ Will of the Force,” Mary quipped. Again we laughed.

Qui-Gon leaned his elbows on the table with a thoughtful mien. ”You know, ladies, this is very interesting.”

”What?”

”You seem to know a lot about the Force much more than anyone who is not a Jedi should. You anticipate what I’m going to say. Yet you are not Force-sensitive.”

”Cut this crap,” Mary snapped as if she had suddenly remembered her annoyance at our guest's repeated attempts to appear as the real Qui-Gon Jinn. ”Whatcha think you are?! Star Wars is a movie. Not real. Jedi are a myth. Not real. This whole fucking superior technology is just a crude mixture of XIX century fantasies and what is brooding in today's think tanks! This is earth, damn it.” Opening her arms in a mocking gesture of invitation she spoke more slowly ”And that’s were we ALL are from.”

I looked at the man’s slightly shocked frown. ”Ohhh,” I sighed, ”don’t ask.”

Our guest shrugged and complied.

Knowing her from our long-term friendship I could understand Mary's reaction. And wasn't she right to be angry with this - although perfect and cute - Qui-Gon Jinn impostor? If he was what he pretended to be, he should have been dead, killed in Theed. Moreover, if there was life in another galaxy, why should it be a copy of some movies? However, I thought it was better to save what remained of the evening and switched to subjects that were safer than weather.

Mary left us. But soon she came back with a fresh bottle of beer. Shuffling to the computer she informed us "I won't disturb you any longer. I'll watch the latest shootings of the NGC 6543 planetary nebula."

Our guest sat up and asked: "Do you happen to have maps of yours and other galaxies? I am still not entirely clear about my way from my galaxy to yours. I also suppose that if I could demonstrate my journey graphically to you, it would explain a lot."

Mary’s eyes narrowed, but I stepped in before a new explosion could happen. "Sure, Qui. Come over here – let's search the files of the Hubble space mission."

With ill grace Mary offered her seat, and I planted him before the screen. First we skimmed through the files for space maps, then through collections of photos form distant galaxies, eventually we cast a glance over the latest discoveries of extra-solar planets. Although Qui was polite and showed great interest, what our sources provided was obviously not the right stuff. Too much earthbound perhaps — as he had pointed out before.

At a certain point he seemed to give up and accept this fact and instead asked for more information about the earth. That was easy now! One issue led to another - science, technology, culture, communities, governments, enterprises, etc.

I thought Mary had cooled down by now. Standing behind our chairs, she commented on sites or suggested visiting others. "I know what will really, really interest you, Jedi," she said, winking at me, and I saw that her distrust was still there, lurking in the darkest caverns of her mind, but I winked back. "www.starwars.com"

If Mary had hoped to provoke any strong reaction from our guest by chance, she failed. The man showed the same interest as for the other sites, asking questions about details and making intelligent remarks. Perhaps he was a bit more ... serious than before—if that was possible with a man who was Seriousness Embodied.

We visited some related sites too, but it was already late and I thought tomorrow was another day for surfing, should we wish to.

Then there was some bickering on where to put Qui-Gon to sleep. I was afraid the beds in the attic would be too short; he would have to sleep in the large bed downstairs. Finally we still settled him in the attic. As he had left us with a kind "Sleep well," Mary and I quickly tidied up the living room and the kitchen.

While washing the dishes we exchanged our thoughts about Qui.

”I don’t know what to make of him. You’re right, Mary, he can’t be real. But I like him.”

” _Nee_ , I was too harsh. He is nice and,” she winked at me again, ”good looking too.”

I had to grin, she knew my special interests in a certain Star Wars character as well as I knew hers in another. ”However, he is probably insane.”

”Not more dangerous than a street worker with a burnout,” answered Mary, now sorting the cutlery. ”Anyway,” she balanced a knife at the tips of her fingers, ”you noticed how serious he became as we visited the Star Wars related sites?”

”Dead serious.”

”Yeah … that leaves open the possibility that Star Wars is real--with its galaxy, Coruscant, stormtroopers and stuff. And for some reason it has become integrated in the collective subconscious on earth. Perhaps a serious flaw in the Many World hypothesis.”

”We’ll wake up tomorrow in the coach because we dreamed it all — or reality is more than an LSD-trip and we have an alien aboard. Let’s see what will happen,” I said and put out the light in the kitchen.

”Suz,” came Mary’s voice out of the darkness, ”Suz, to which fan-fic Qui-Gon Jinn would you compare him to?”

”He is unique,” I answered.

We went to sleep, to catch some dreams by luck.   
    
   

 **Why domesticated Jedi are useful: Sue's POV**    
    
 

Next morning the rain had stopped, but it wasn’t exactly bright and warm. When Mary’s tousled head emerged in the kitchen doorway, I said:

”Which do you want first—the good news or the bad news?”

”Good news.”

”It seems you won’t have to walk in the rain.”

”What?!?”

”The bad news is that we forgot butter. Now how can we bake anything without butter?”

She plopped down on one of the chairs and I placed a large mug of coffee before her. ”Why me?”

”Today’s my turn to surf the net,” I grinned evilly at her. ”Besides, don’t fret, it seems Allah loves you — he has sent us a domestic Qui-Gon, an invaluable tool when you need to chop wood. After all, he has to pay back our kindness somehow, ne?”

Mary brightened up.

Speaking of Qui-Gon — he appeared in the doorway, bright and fresh as morning sunshine by the seaside, and once again in his Jedi outfit. Now how dare anybody be so bright so early in the morning?

”What exactly have you in mind for me?” he asked.

Mary pointed through the window. ”See that huge pile of wood there? It needs to be cut and stacked.” She measured Qui-Gon’s powerful figure. ”A work worthy of a man like you. Don't worry, you needn’t do it all today, just spare a day’s work for two lonely women …”

I giggled.

Qui-Gon nodded and started to go out.

”Where are you going?” I cried. ”Breakfast first! Have you no respect for my cooking?”

Mary giggled. ”Poor man, stranded here with two she-devils.” Qui-Gon’s mouth quirked, and he sat down to eat.

The breakfast was a short affair, soon I was cleaning up the kitchen, humming a tune to myself. Mary, having changed her clothes, stepped in to grab the shopping basket.

"You know, Mary, you might–"

I was interrupted by a choking noise of surprise and running footsteps, and when I turned to look, she was digging out a bottle of beer from the fridge. It was only after a few invigorating gulps that she managed to respond to my nervous clucking around her. "Mashallah..." she panted. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi. Go," she directed me to the window, "tell me you see what I see."

"Holy Mary, Mother of God..."

We ran out to the porch. Qui-Gon was warming up before dealing with the wood. But it was how he was moving around! We only saw a blur of green light.

”What? A lightsabre? A  _real_  lightsabre?” I watched as if enchanted.

”So he IS a real Jedi with a real lightsabre after all,” Mary whispered clasping the bottle of beer.

”Wow,” I said. ”Oh Sith. I’m going crazy. I’m going to ignore it.”

Noiselessly I retired into the kitchen. Mary followed, stating: ”Sue, I bet, you  _can’t_  ignore it.”

After draining as much encouragement from her bottle as possible, she was finally ready to go and begged for some leftover pancakes. I also asked her to buy some sweets and beer — wouldn’t it be nice to offer beer to a man after a day of hard work? Which is impossible, if someone has just drained the last bottle…

When Qui approached me for detailed instructions, I found a heavy axe for him. Soon he was immersed in work, and blocks of wood were quickly reduced to oven-sized logs.

I postponed surfing, instead trying to gather my thoughts and write something, but I was distracted. I thought about our guest, what we had seen and heard; I played through his tiny mannerisms in my mind, the way he looked, the way he moved his lips or folded his arms. Dammit. He was too Qui-Gon to be anything else. How ridiculous. I— we— had been blessed with a Jedi in our house. It was great, it was fantastic, it was... ludicrous. It promised to spoil the whole summer and make it an event worth to remember forever. Shit, shit, shit.  _Ach, Mist!_  What was I to do?

I managed to scribble a line or two once in a while, but for the most part the morning was rather fruitless. Qui-Gon had taken off his tunics and the sight of his bare and well-muscled upper torso shiny with sweat through the window was more than I could bear. So for a while I was busy sitting and drooling. ”Behave, naughty girl,” I said to myself, but my self had other ideas. OK, I thought, I can behave later.

So I went to the kitchen to find an alibi. I remembered Rebecca and all those instances in literature where women offered water to men. How womanly, and how romantic. So I fixed a pitcher of juice, poured a mugful and went to Qui-Gon.

While he drank, I surveyed his work. ”Hey, you don’t have to kill yourself over that work, we may have need of you tomorrow! And you have a mission, remember?”

”Oh, don’t worry. And I remember,” he answered with that perfect solemnity of his. Did he ever understand a joke?

A corner of his mouth twitched. Wait, what was that? If that WAS the real Qui-Gon, then there was a good possibility that he could read thoughts. So was he? Could he? //Do you read thoughts?// I thought. He just turned and resumed his work. Damn!

I hadn’t got a clear ”yes”, but what if he still could? I had to reckon with that possibility. I remembered that as a child I had been afraid to daydream, because I had read in a book that when you think very hard and vividly, the picture of what you’re thinking might become visible to others. Now I was again in that situation.

Well, I decided, it was no different than with boys peeping through a sauna window when you’re in there. You’ve stolen nothing; everything you have is yours. And getting angry would only make me look like a fool. So I just decided to remain calm and dignified. Well, sort of — as much as you can, when a half-naked gorgeous man is nearby.

I began to stack wood; I had to work very hard to keep up with him. By the time Mary returned I was soaked in sweat.

”What a lovely rural picture. Howsa you two lovebirds doin’?” Mary grinned at us from the gate.   
 

* * *

**End of chapter one.**

**What will happen next?**

”To be honest, I had no reason to smile. I wasn’t even in an elated mood. I was scared. ...”


	2. where Mary reveals her pancake trick and another guest invites himself in his typical forceful (yet this time Force-less) manner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on butter and beer...
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. Although the whole story is for entertainment, we don't intend blasphemy.

**Adolf, Heinrich and Others: Mary’s POV**

To be honest, I had no reason to smile. I wasn’t even in an elated mood. I was scared. But let me proceed in the chronological order of events...

There were two possible ways to reach our nearest butter’n’beer supply. The first route was longer and smoother, through open grass and woodland; and the second, a much shorter one, right through the wood and partly traveling the regular road. But with my brave steed — well maintained and oiled — between my legs, I felt able even to contend with the bumpiness and boringness of the latter one.

So I rode on with the bicycle. The broken pavement between the old cowsheds flew past, and I rode beneath the cool, green canopy of the glen. Well, not exactly a glen. It was instead a dip in the landscape, a long stretching valley with a little lake, hidden behind briar patches.

Sadly this best part of the ride was over too soon , and I stopped in front of the railway tracks. I consoled myself with the thought that on the way back I would pass the valley again.

Hearing no train, I managed to move the bicycle over the tracks and continued my way toward the next problem.

”Ah, my beauties! This is a nice day for pancakes, isn’t it? Here’s one for your Austrian taste, Adolf. And one for my black Heinrich. Where did you go, Josef?” A loud barking three-legged dog limped nearer. He got his share, as did the big fat Hermann.

This little sithly trick played with the baser instincts of the dogs and was one of my latest ideas. One that I was particularly proud of. The rest of my ride wouldn’t provide any more adventure — a rather boring gravel road guided me straight into the village. Unfortunately it was also the longest part of the way. As the thought of our domestic Jedi crossed my mind, I started moving faster. Ok, my very short hair wouldn’t float, as his probably would do when he rode a bicycle. Ah, Sue you are the lucky one. You have this handsome guy around you, while I have to ride through dust and dirt on a mission to refill our refrigerator.

”Bonjour, Mademoiselle!” I had arrived. As usual, a little girl was playing in the yard of the first farm at the right side.

”Mama! The strange woman is coming!”

Well, this sounded like I had better saved one of the pancakes for this occasion too.

”Darling, that’s Mary, don’t you remember? She repaired your toys.” The farmer’s wife appeared on the door with a friendly smile. ”Hi, Mary — how can I help you?”

”We forgot to buy several items yesterday … could you sell me some butter?”

She nodded agreement and stepped back to let me in. While preparing the fat-proof packet for me, the woman offered to sell other products of her farm, and asked about her brother, the local constable who had been running at my heels for the entire summer.

I grinned. ”As usual, up to twice a week he graces Sue and me with his presence.”

”I'd better have a serious talk with him; he shouldn't pester you.”

”No prob so far. But thanks, I'll keep your offer for military support in mind.”

Shaking her head and chuckling, she went back into the house.

Now I turned to the little girl ”Would the fierce dragon take care for the silver horse?” The farmer’s daughter grinned broadly — we both had developed a secret language to communicate with each other. Not even her mother knew all rules of it.

I didn’t need much time to buy the items Sue had told me what we’d run out of — beer and sweets.

With the highly perishable cargo I started my way back home.

The gravel road had become a bit dusty due to the light wind, which had dried the yesterday’s rain.

The dogs lay asleep.

A train crossed. I had to wait.

Then I arrived at the entrance to the valley.

I slowed down, deciding to make a little detour to have a glance at the lake. I loved this place — so I couldn’t resist checking it every time it was possible. It was never the same sight. The light, the animals visiting it, the sound of the wood around it — all that was changing over the day.

I didn’t leave the bicycle, just put one foot at the ground to keep balance. How long I had stood submerged in peaceful silence I didn’t know. The next thing I knew was something heavy was placed on my right hand.

It was another hand. A black gloved one. It belonged to an arm in black fabric. The arm ended as ordinary arms do, in a shoulder. But above the shoulder everything was non-ordinary.

It seemed I must have reacted without wasting time thinking. Even the fact that I had looked into yellow eyes staring at me from a mask-like black and red striped face I registered only after I was a good distance away. I stopped my headlong flight at the old cowsheds to catch my breath and become clear about what I’d seen.

The rotten brick-walls were a consoling reality. I leaned the bicycle against the wall and sat down. HE. No doubt, even the crown of horns had been where it should be. Another impostor? Do we have carnival time, or what? But the Jedi knight is also real … Qui-Gon’s mission … Oh, no! This couldn’t be true. The guy I met must have been a Darth-Maul-wannabe. But if so, why was I so deeply shocked? Maybe it was an intense daydream — no one followed me. He would have, if he were real. I shouldn’t drink so much beer—but then, beer didn’t usually provoke such fantasies. Damn! I had truly felt a weight on my hand! I had even felt the warmth radiating from a living body! The shine in the golden eyes fixed on me! The scent of his alien flesh! My dearest fantasy, Darth Maul. Oh, boy, to meet a Sith Lord in reality is a special experience … And now? What should I make of it? The guys would kill each other if they met … And I hadn’t yet talked a single word with the Sith. He had seemed as handsome as I remembered him from the screen — with one extra: he was three-dimensional! I couldn't suppress a giggle building in my throat. I didn’t want him to consider me stupid because I fled like a headless chicken. Hey, Mary where are your thoughts drifting? You wouldn’t ride back and find him, ne?

I decided first to store the thoroughly shaken beer in the fridge to veil all traces of my hasty ride. Hopefully I could hide my discovery with the same ease. A few moments later I was at the gate and greeted Qui-Gon and Sue with studied mirth. Maybe I could speak afterwards with Sue to find a way out of this mess.  
  


**First Council Meeting: Sue’s POV**  
  


Mary was back — high time for the meal! I ran into the cold sauna and splashed myself with a bucketful of rainwater. Then I went back to the kitchen. I threw some eggs and ham on the pan, and sliced bread. Then potatoes on another pan with a spoonful of butter. Out into the garden, for a handful of salad and green onions. Made a salad. When I finally noticed that Mary was trying to get my attention, I came to a screeching halt.

”What’s wrong, Mary?”

Mary looked around and saw our guest was still working in the yard.

”He’s here,” Mary whispered, ”I saw him.”

”Who he?”

”Qui’s mission. I saw Maul today.”

”Wha … And you’re alive to tell me about it?” I asked, wondering what I should feel: disbelief, shock, irony, fear, or perhaps nothing at all.

Mary gave a nervous giggle.

Well, here’s one who calls himself Qui-Gon and has a lightsabre … Why shouldn’t the show go on and new characters be introduced? ... Man, there’s a Maul somewhere around here...

For a while we both sat in silence.

”What should we do?” I asked. ”What if he is in search of Qui … and with the Jedi here … you know where it would put us? In-between two warring factions.”

”Sue, what if he is…” Mary hesitated, then just repeated her nervous giggle.

The most important things are usually the most difficult to say, so I tried to help her.

”You want to go back and find him?”

”What if … Remember the way Qui was when we found him … What if he needs help?”

I snorted. ”Help? A Sith Lord?” Then thought about it. And thought some more. And couldn’t convince myself that it was a pile of poodoo we were about to step in, or that it was better to let things lie. It’s a bitch when your head tells you one thing and your heart tells another.

Feel, don’t think.

”Mary, do you want me to come with you? Or should I stay to keep Qui out of the way?”  
  


**Al Sirat: Mary’s POV**  
  


To find a guardian angel when you stand on this high-arching, blade-like bridge called Al-Sirat is pure salvation. Oh, dear Sue, I never loved you more for your calmness. I could only manage to whisper: ”You take care of Qui. Let him cut the whole wood around the village, trap him in the sauna, kiss him to within an inch of his life — just keep him busy.” Sue seemed to become a bit distracted. I grabbed her hand ”I’ll find Maul.” My spirits rose ”If it is as we assume, he can’t be far away from the spot I met him earlier. Give me two, no, three hours.”

”And … if you’re not back after this time?” Sue frowned. ”Shall I tell the Jedi about it?”

”Yes. But not before! Heaven or hell, it is better we have both here under our control, than if it-” Allah, IT. Bloody, little IT— ”happens somewhere outside. Can you make it? Two hours? Just don’t tell Qui what I’m doing.” Another ”it” flashed through my brain. ”Damn! Sue! He is a Jedi. He can read thoughts …” My mouth again became dry.

”I’m not sure that he can.” Sue tried to avoid my eyes. ”I am not sure … side-effects of the Force-storm, ya know?”

Sounded reasonable. ”May Allah listen to you. I must go — he is coming.” Sue followed my gaze to the porch where Qui appeared.

I vanished into thin air, leaving Sue alone with the problem of how to explain our guest why I would not partake of the meal. Quietly, I managed to slip through the house and out of the back door. In the garden I climbed over the wall — well veiled by some berry-bush. Once in the street, I only needed to walk around a corner, then I was beyond sight from our house. I started to jog.

There were two possibilities, I said to myself. First, I could trust my underdeveloped tracking-skills, second I could trust Maul’s sithliness to find me again, if he wished to do so. I was curious as to which one would work. Perhaps I would find my dark prince lying under a mighty tree. Unconscious — because of his wounds. The sun’s rays broken by the thick canopy of leaves dashing gold over him. Gold. His eyes. Mary? Today there is no bright sunlight, and you start thinking romantic rubbish.

Arriving at the lake, I looked around intently before I made my way through the wood. Ah, right there were my bike’s tracks. And that could be his footprint. We’ll see where it guides me. The next thought made me laugh — Don’t think, follow your instincts!

Well, it was definitely not my ”instincts” which let me climb up the next available tree like a squirrel. It was the black movement that my alerted senses caught from the corner of my eyes. From the relative security of my level I peered down. Well, well, Darth Maul. And I had been not wrong; he WAS handsome! But was he injured too, as Sue and I suspected? The multi-layered robes made it hard to judge his physical condition. Even his stance gave no indication about his state of health. Could be his face was a bit more mask-like than I had expected, but …

”Come down.”

… It was also possible that it wasn’t — after all, I was probably not yet experienced enough in reading Zabrakian features.

”Come down.”

Why? What? It talks! How lovely …

”I know you’re looking for me, so why you don’t come down?”

”Yes my — Lord” I grinned as I managed to jump down quite gracefully ”I rather thought that you were looking for me. I’m Mary. Need help?”

”I need some support. Food. Information.”

Gotcha. I said ”No prob, just follow me. My friend’s house is in the next village. She and I will be glad to help you out.”

He still didn’t change his expression. ”Other way round. You will deliver the items here. No village, no friend.”

”No. If no village and no friend, then no — help.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have overstressed the helping aspect. The next thing I knew I was being strangled. The Sith stood suddenly in front of me, one hand clutching my throat, pinning me to the tree. Okay. Point taken — you’re bigger than I am. Look, I don’t fight! But if I’m dead, where will you find h ... err — support?"

”You’re a very clever—” he took away his hand while he looked up and down my body, ”—woman, Mary. So do me the favor and bring a few things here into the wood.” As his eyes met mine again, they radiated a sufficient amount of fire to melt ice. He even developed a cute little smile. Okay, after the reasonable-guy approach, the nasty-guy approach. After the nasty-guy approach, the nice-guy approach. But damn, I couldn’t deny — it worked on me. Maul’s smile deepened.

”My Lord…” Allah, may this, my last and only trump-card, work, ”I know why you’re here. The person you are after IS in the next village, in my friend’s house. Now will you come with me?”

Pity, pity — the Sith gathered himself, and all the sweetness vanished. He said, ”Tell me the way. I’ll be there at the dusk. You will wait for me and let me in.”

”Ah, come on… just follow me now…”

”The way. Now!”

Damn, I shivered inwardly at the tension in his voice! That meant trouble. ”As you command, my Lord: as night falls, follow the tracks of my bicycle until your reach two abandoned buildings.” Heaven knows, if a Sith-Lord would have ever heard about cows. ”From there I’ll guide you. Wait for me.” He nodded in agreement and made a dismissing gesture. Why so hasty, my dark Lord?, I thought before I became aware of the minute sweat drops on his forehead and the rising uncertainty in the focus of the brilliant golden eyes … ”Are you hurt? I’d better stay and…”

Now there was not only tension in the voice — he obviously struggled against a sudden onslaught of agony. ”Go!! We will meet in the evening!”

Uh, proud are we? Very well. I went home without a backwards glance. But I must admit with very curious ears. If he’d lost consciousness and fallen down, I’d have gone back immediately. Pity, pity, he didn’t do as I wished.

However, there was this one big problem: how to tell Qui? The whole way back I had no better idea than to speak frankly about the Sith. Maybe this was the appropriate solution; maybe it was only because at the very bottom of my heart I was dead sure that the Jedi wouldn’t take advantage of an injured enemy. But some uncertainty still remained … Sue, there is more brainstorming in order.

I found Sue and Qui in the neighbor’s garden. At first I heard their laughter, then I realized that Sue must have convinced Qui to have a look at the big swing the neighbor had set up. Good idea! As I entered the yard, again a beautiful rural image flashed before my eyes: the two tall, blonde figures stood on the swing, one hand at the supporting chain, with the other arm — only for more stability — holding each other around the waist. Their little precise body-movements guided the swing, while Sue was giving our guest a lecture about the lovely old swing-songs that I had heard her sing sometimes. Qui-Gon smiled at her — his face like hers colored by the elated mood the two were in.

I hated to interrupt, but I managed a lame grin. ”Hi, Sue — don’t seduce Jedi Knights, will ya? I am back and need your help with the … with … with the baking.” Qui-Gon sent me a strange look. ”Yeah, Qui — pity but true, I never felt very comfortable with kitchen-issues.” Sue followed me, eyes full of concern.

The discussion was short — we decided Sue would not to tell Qui about our new guest before he arrived. That would delay the time of the confrontation a bit more into future. At least Allah seemed to smile on us — we didn’t need to work out complicated plans of how to expel the Jedi from the house. When we kneaded our alibi-dough, Qui appeared and told us briefly that he felt inclined to go and have a look at his ship. He probably wouldn’t be back until morning. He left soon afterwards, well equipped with some food and beverage that he couldn't refuse for his long trip.

Well, I do not have any clear remembrance how Sue or I spent the hours until the coming of the Sith Lord. Daydreaming, most probably, about our obsession and gorgeous men, the floods of blood and gore, sweat and semen rolling at the fan sites, now all personified in one tall stranger in our house — and hopefully, another, just as droolworthy, soon to arrive.

As the sun tilted to the west, I set out to bring home our half-welcome-and-half-unwelcome visitor. He wasn’t at the place I had indicated. I felt a tinge of disappointment in my heart. Why not look into the cowshed on the right? I passed the crumbling gate. Dark emptiness. Not even a rat. I balanced a short distance at the small wall of the liquid-manure gutter, gingerly avoiding breaking trough the wooden cover of the trench. ”My Lord…?”

”Behind you.”

”Ah, you and your flashy appearances!” Although I had expected some kind of surprise, I was really glad for the hard hand that held my elbow and prevented me from stumbling. I addressed my nearly invisible companion. ”We needn't wait till is it entirely dark. Let’s go now.”

”Good, Mary.”

Obviously it was much worse than we had supposed. When we arrived at our gate, Maul showed every sign of someone exhausted to death. Sue assisted me in helping him the last few steps into the house without remembering to introduce herself.  
  


**Courting Trouble: Sue’s POV**  
  


”We’ll put you on the sofa in the back room. So you won’t have to run up and down those stairs,” I decided. Quickly Mary found some clean sheets, blankets, a roll of towels to support his neck — because otherwise we would run out of unslashed pillows quickly. The black figure had lowered himself on a chair, and I stooped to take off his boots. The man wasn’t co-operative at all — he just sat there, motionless, letting us serve him. When I tried to rid him of his boots, he would have slid down from the chair, but for Mary holding him.

”You know we should get you cleaned up.” I looked around. One cannot take a sick man out and pour cold water over him. Wet towels would have to do, for now. Quickly I ran for some towels and a basin of warm water. When I returned, Mary had managed to coax the man to stand up and was busy with his belt.

Together, we managed to get him out of his field cloak and tunic. I tried to put on a brave face when we worked on the trousers, but I couldn’t suppress the sigh. Mary didn’t look at me, but I suppose she must have felt the same. Right between the upper and the lower abdomen the ugly and barely healed scar looked like an insult to the proportions of this perfect body.

Quickly we cleaned him up as best as we could, patted him dry, and dropped him into his bed. He hadn’t spoken a word; but his golden eyes, although tired and dull-looking, had occasionally traveled around the room and over us.

”Don’t worry,” Mary whispered, ”We’ll look after you.” He closed his eyes and it was as if two bright lamps had been switched off — the room was darker and calmer. I thought about going to the kitchen to bring him something to eat and drink, to restore his strength, but the man was asleep in a matter of seconds.

We watched him in silence for some moments, and then closed the door quietly behind us.

As Mary had predicted, Maul was up in the morning after a good night’s sleep — up, and much more alive, and he didn’t hesitate to let us know.

”I need food,” he said as soon as we showed our faces in his room.

”What will we give him to eat?” I thought aloud. ”If he’s weak it should be something light.”

”Dunno. Soup?” Mary suggested.

”Meat.”

We both looked at the man who looked almost ridiculous with his dark and menacing face between clean white sheets.

”Meat? But if you’re starved you may just throw it up!”

”Meat,” the man repeated. ”I need proteins.”

Dutifully we scurried into the kitchen and piled upon a plate whatever ”proteins” we could find: yesterday’s warmed-up steaks, a couple of boiled eggs from this morning, slices of ham, with some slices of bread and butter, just in case he would want them. And a glass of milk.

I stood at the door, as Mary offered all those items to the man. Immediately, he picked up the glass: ”I don’t drink this. Bring me something else.” As though she had read his thoughts, Mary snatched the glass from his hand before he could throw it to the floor.

The arrogance! In our house, after all we’d done for him!

”Bring me some water,” he ordered.

”Mind your manners, mister,” I snapped and left, Mary followed – without plate but with glass - after me shortly. I sorely doubted if I would serve him any further or just have a discussion with Mary about reconsidering and sending him back to the cowsheds or wherever he came from. If he’s well enough to be so overbearing, he should be well enough to walk into the kitchen. The first night with the Sith around had been much nicer than the morning after. But well, that’s the way it often is.

When we were separated from the ungrateful Sith Lord by a solid wooden door — not that I really believed it would provide some protection from his fury, but it did give some comfort — I nudged my companion: ”Mary, do you realize we will have actually TWO force-boys here? Which reminds me — where is Qui-Gon? He should be back anytime now.”

”You go talk to him when he gets back,” Mary instructed me, ”I’ll keep an eye on this one.”

She did twice, bringing back from her second trip the emptied plate. Sated, Maul had fallen asleep again, or so Mary told me. Since a Sith-taking-a-digestive-nap and a Jedi-not-at-home was in no way entertaining, we resumed our daily business for a while.

Just as I had begun wondering if Qui-Gon was ever going to return, I saw the Jedi stroll in through the gates. He looked like more alert than usual — unsettled, perhaps? From his remark I understood he had felt something, which he would describe as a disturbance in the Force, if he were at home.

I took his hand and guided him to sit down on one of the wood blocks. He arched an eyebrow.

”Such preparations seem to indicate that a serious talk is in order,” he said.

”Qui-Gon,” I began. ”We… today… you know we’ve acquired… a guest.”

He looked at me, then nodded slowly. ”I thought it would come to that.”

I was puzzled, reluctant to say what I was thinking, yet not sure whether he could read my thoughts and understand what I wanted. And I needed an answer.

"Can I be sure that there will be no trouble?" I asked.

Qui-Gon was a picture of serenity. ”Don’t worry, I’ll deal with this. I’ll protect you both.” And he rose.

”No!” I stopped him. ”That’s not…”

”It’s OK,” he said. ”You have a Sith Lord in your house. It is normal to be upset.”

”No, Qui — I want assurance that YOU will not create trouble. That you will help us, protect us if necessary, but otherwise not make any move against him.”

Now Qui-Gon was really puzzled. ”Why? I don’t think you understand. He’s a Sith, a creature of evil…”

”He’s a wounded, weak man who needed our help!” I shouted. ”He’s been here since yesterday evening,” I finished more slowly.

Qui-Gon sat back. For minutes he was deep in thought.

”Very well,” he finally said, ”but you must understand it may not be easy. I may still have to kill him to protect you, if it comes to that.”

”If it comes to that, then kill him,” I agreed. ”But until then, let’s see how things work out. The will of the Force,” I added cheekily.

I shouldn’t have said that. Where for me it was a jocular reference to an entertainment, for him it was a deadly serious matter. He couldn’t even suspect it could be joked about.

”Maybe you are right,” he said.

* * *

**End of chapter two.**

**What will happen next?**

”With his last words we prepared to go to the house. Suddenly I felt Qui-Gon tense. ...”


	3. where Sue and Mary learn more about honorable Jedi Masters and persistent Sith Lords.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on butter and beer...
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story.  
> Although the whole story is for entertainment, we don't intend blasphemy.

**Fight: Sue’s POV**

 

With his last words we prepared to go to the house. Suddenly, I felt Qui-Gon tense. A black flash barred our way. Darth Maul. Fully dressed and in raged. Mary stood in the entrance, shoulders sagging in defeat. "I'm sorry," she muttered, "I tried. I really did."

With a low growl Qui-Gon nudged me gently to join her, shrugging out of his Jedi cloak. I ran to Mary and, feeling my knees go weak, sat down at the stairs before the main door of the house. She sat down too and took my hand.

The men faced each other. With an unbearably slow and elegant movement both drew and ignited their lightsabres. We didn’t dare to breathe.

_If it comes to that._ I knew the moment would come, but I had hoped it wouldn’t come so soon.

The duelists still faced each other, but now even we Force-inexperienced earthlings could sense the silent fight. The power was concentrated at the tips of the blades. The enemies stared each other down, pulled together yet held apart like poles of a magnet, and the Force practically sizzled between them.

One movement and the balance would be gone.

And you’ll have been down and out.

Or …?

The black one assaulted with a fast, straight thrust forward! Immediately the light one was a tiny — but sufficient — distance away from the red sabre-tip, the green blade high above the head to let it fall down at the rash attacker!

I pressed Mary’s hand. Suddenly the fighters reassumed their former positions. Again motionless. Not even breathing harder. However, something had changed. Something unclear … Eventually we became aware of it as the Sith fell down on his knees and the Jedi lowered his sabre at the same time.

No-one — not even Yoda — would have had the force to stop Mary and me running to Maul. Together with Qui we surrounded the fallen one. The Sith had closed his eyes in pain or … shame? Between his gritted teeth he uttered, ”I’m in your hands, Jedi. Finish it.”

Qui-Gon carefully removed the long hilt of lightsabre from the Sith’s reach and patted his body for concealed weapons, before answering. ”It may come as a surprise to you, young Sith, but I won’t ‘finish it’, as you put it. Not here, not now. Not unless you force me to. I have given my word.”

The striped warrior let out a frustrated, anguished, pain-ridden howl.

”But I’ll be watching you,” the Jedi added. ”You’re my prisoner of war, so to speak. I hope you will respect the hospitality extended to you by these two ladies. It wouldn’t be wise to take any rash actions.”

The Sith was silent.

”Well? Do I have your word?”

”This time,” the black one growled.

”Very well. This time,” answered the Jedi serenely, while he kneeled down and his hands knowingly inspected the body of his enemy. As he had found what he had obviously searched for, the Sith snarled again. Qui looked up at him, smiling wryly, and said, ”Don’t worry, you shall eventually have your revenge. I won’t run away and we will fight again. But not until you’re completely healed, I think.” Qui-Gon’s calm voice left no doubt — the reason for Mauls weakness was injury.

The injury. The hideous scar that divided his midsection and marred his beautiful tattoos. And more.

”I accept,” Maul said very stiffly and formally.

”Thank you.”

Qui-Gon nodded and extended a hand to help him up, but the Zabrak flinched away: ”I don’t need your help, Jedi.”

Qui squatted before him. ”Look, young Sith. Perhaps you don’t realize, but we are stranded on a possibly hostile planet, with no space travel capabilities, no intergalactic communications, nothing that we need to get away. We’re left to our own resources. These two ladies have been kind enough to provide us with shelter and food. The least we could do is be civil to them. And,” he measured the black-robed body and Mary’s lithe standing by helpfully, ”perhaps you are too heavy for them to carry in, so I think I’ll help them. Allow me.”

Maul bared his teeth, but did not protest when Qui-Gon helped him stand. He also tried not to lean on Mary too heavily, when they moved carefully to the house. He was shivering. With a worried look, Qui touched his forehead. ”You’re running a fever. Let’s get you back to bed. Girls, have you got something against fever? And some painkiller, perhaps.”

We exchanged glances. ”I’m not sure … everything we have is too old …”

”And how can you be sure how it will work on his physiology?”

Suddenly Maul stopped. ”I … feel …sick.” He bent over and everything he had eaten this morning came out with a vengeance, as Qui-Gon held his convulsing body. Mary barely managed to jump out of the way and the Jedi threw her an apologetic glance.

”That’s okay,” Mary soothed. ”It happens. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.”  
  


**Playing House: Sue’s POV**  
  


Back in the room, we undressed him once again. Qui-Gon examined him.

”I’m no specialist, but it seems as if you haven’t had any medical treatment.”

”Yes,” Maul rasped.

”None? In one year – none at all? How is that possible?”

Maul simply looked away, ignoring the question.

”It would be best if you could get professional help in a hospital,” Qui said.

”No!” Maul said, in a small but very determined and clear voice. ”No hospitals. No doctors.”

”No? But we know nothing about medicine!” I was almost angry. How the heck did he hope to deal with the wreckage he was? How had he been able to keep himself in one piece in the first place, with all this pain?

Qui-Gon looked in our confused, worried, indecisive faces and decided it was finally time to take matters in his own capable hands.

”Okay then. I'll try to think of something. Mary — please go get what you use for medicine here. We need — ah — fever, painkiller, disinfectant, something for the wounds. Do you use bacta here? No? Pity... but we’ll manage somehow. And something to soothe his digestive system. Obviously you are not accustomed to the food here, young Sith. Sue — bring some water. Then I need your help here.”

 *** 

Later Qui-Gon and I sat on the porch, waiting for Mary and meanwhile sorting out which of the medications could be helpful or at least be not too incompatible with the alien physiology.

”I think I’ll have to try and heal him with Force,” he said, shoving the whole pile of boxes aside with a final gesture.

I was confused. ”But you said there is no Force here.”

”I said I cannot feel any Force. And neither can he. Or rather, I feel something, but it’s incredibly vague. But there must be some kind of Force. It is in all life. So I guess if I try, it wouldn’t do any harm.”

I was awed. He was going to share his own energy with his archenemy — just so. Even knowing that afterwards he would fight the Zabrak, and kill him, or be killed. _You are compassion incarnate, I thought._

”He probably won’t like it,” Qui went on.

”Why? Doesn’t he want to get better?”

Qui quirked one corner of his mouth in an almost-smile that was so beautiful on his face. ”You see, the Force we use is — feels — different.”

”Ah,” I interrupted, ”the light side—dark side business.”

”Precisely. And it won’t be easy for him to put up with being filled with light. He may be nauseated, in fact.”

I was quiet, digesting the information.

”Qui,” I ventured finally, ”What about you?”

”What about me?”

”Weren’t you also — on Naboo —”

”Oh yes. ” He smiled genuinely. ”But, you see, I have the Force. And friends.”

”Oh.” Was I supposed to read his mind?

”I was taken care of,” he explained. ”And, you see — the dark side cannot be used for healing. He has kept himself together — and done so in a most impressive way, in fact — but in this way you still must rely on medical help, or on natural healing processes. Whereas the light side works perhaps slower on symptoms, but all the more surely on their causes.”

”Oh.” This time it was an expression of understanding. ”So you’re … okay?”

”Yes.”

I had seen him shirtless, but I didn’t remember seeing any scar. Show me, show me, I wanted to say, but the Jedi’s whole personality positively exuded dignity and equanimity. Being frivolous with him somehow did not seem right. Pity …

 *** 

Well, with our new guest it was like having a baby in the house: for two days we cleaned our Dark Lord, fed him, put him to sleep. The first evening almost turned into a disaster. Mary and I sat by his bedside with a bowl of oatmeal, giggling hysterically (”baby-food”, Maul had said derisively; ”Horse fodder,” I corrected him, laughing, as I saw his dismay). Mary guided a spoonful to his mouth, crooning, ”Say aaaaa …”

Maul probably wanted to kill us with his glare, but wisely kept his temper under control. We were aware that the situation was embarrassing, but we couldn’t help ourselves — it was altogether too funny and too unbelievable.

Being back into the kitchen with the residues of our vain attempts to feed the impatient patient, Mary asked: ”And who will hold the night-watch?”

Qui-Gon sent her a fast glance. ”You or Sue. I should better not pester him with my appearance. Furthermore, I must gather now what’s possible to prepare for the healing.” He left us.

I would not let Mary do the chores— she would be of more help when watching Maul, restless as she was worrying about him.  
  


**Nobility of Failure: Mary’s POV**  
  


It was silent in the room. So silent that I could hear the little noise Sue made in the kitchen and living room, as well as our Jedi pacing to and fro in his attic chamber. I stepped nearer to the bed. Maul’s breathing was inharmonious and flat. He looked as if he were wandering between sleep and unconsciousness. I placed a chair beside his bed, right next to his head, and sat down with a book, prepared for a long night watch.

As time went by, the sun started going down, but I couldn’t convince myself to make light. Perhaps it would disturb Maul’s sleep …

”Mary …”

_Why? What?_ I must have been falling asleep while reading … I looked down on the bed. His eyes were open.

”I’m thirsty.” After a short hesitation he continued, ”Please, bring me some water.”

As I came back with the water he requested, he was struggling to sit upright.

”Stay, Maul. Spare your energy. I’ll hold your head while you drink.” He was intelligent enough — or probably weak enough —to accept my aid. And he also allowed me to refresh him by patting his face, neck and chest with a wet cloth. In a naughty afterthought I noticed, it was still astonishingly easy for me to suppress my baser instincts when dealing with him physically.

I waited for a word or a gesture of gratitude. But after I had finished, he just lay there, staring mute at the ceiling as if he were a life-size Han-Solo-In-Carbonite statue you can buy for 2000 bucks. Obviously Maul was nice when in need for something, but this something was not me. Not exactly an idea giving me an ego boost.

”…”

”You said something, Maul?”

”No … Yes. What are you reading?”

_Looks like it’s too boring to play the mysterious sphinx, my Lord?_ ”It’s a book about the nobility of failure.”

He made a hissing sound somehow between laughter and pain: ”How nice. I didn’t expect such highly philosophical stuff in this underdeveloped world.”

”Philosophical stuff?" I straightened up indignantly. "I’d rather think this issue belongs to every-day life. Aren't there daily, hourly decisions to be made? Every single one tangled with other decisions made by other persons – who knows what will come from lighting up a cigar here and now?” I paused for a deep breath. ”And an underdeveloped world? In this world, to fight a war as a man-to-man-combat, using ineffective weapons like lightsabres, is called underdeveloped. To have ineffective production, like production with slaves or droids not designed for their tasks but for nice humanoid looks is called underdeveloped. I can add more, shall I?”

He frowned and moved his lips as if to say something, probably to disagree about lightsabres, but no sound came. Once again I offered him some water.

”Rest assured,” he finally said, sending me a sketch of a smile, ”that I dislike ineffectiveness. However, I doubt you have much serious experience with the nobility of failure.”

”Perhaps, perhaps not. Maybe you can give me some enlightenment about that issue.” I felt rather clever for having been able to establish a line of communication with the sullen Sith.

”Yes.” Breakdown of communication. Perhaps, I surmised, he feared that an extended exchange of thoughts could bring him closer to this human life-form he despised. He lay mute again, eyes closed.

”Maul?”

Slowly he opened his eyes ”I’m too tired. We can continue our little discussion tomorrow night.”

”Tomorrow night Sue will be watching over you,” I retorted sharply, feeling a tinge of jealousy.

”Sue? I’d prefer it would be you. And could you wet my face again? It feels good.” He hesitated. After another sketched smile he added: ”Please.”

_Ah, the sweet feeling of triumph._ I decided to do him the favor. To spare him discomfort would probably spare us later trouble when living with a healthy and active Sith. I don’t know a creature that could resist nice treatment, not even the neighbor’s dogs. And I supposed that to depend on the mercy of others when you’re helpless, was the worst scenario for a Dark Lord. Well, I could help him through.

As if regretting his abrupt ending of our talk, he again showed interest: ”You live alone here?”

”Well, obviously not, if you can count,” I grinned.

”Where’s your man?”

”My man? What man?”

He ignored my question. ”Why did you bring me here?”

I shrugged. ”Well, I couldn’t let you die out there, it didn’t seem right …”

”Die!” he sneered. ”Did it look as if I was going to die?”

”Well, it did… to me,” I explained.

”You were wrong,” he said coolly, but after a moment added in a subdued voice, almost as an afterthought: ”But your intention was honorable. I thank you.”

I shrugged, disavowing any gratitude. Again we were silent for several minutes. I was aware of the constant stare of his golden eyes. I think what I saw was some emotion there. I hoped it was interest.

_Hoping for interest, Mary?_

”Leave me alone, Mary.” His demanding voice blasted my musings away.

”Sure, your lordship?" I huffed. "I’m holding the night-watch if you need something.”

The expression of his face was unmistakable: ”If I have a need, I’ll let you know.”

I retreated without any objection before the hard staring gaze and the smile that made me shiver. And I had the bloody feeling he had the advantage somehow. However, Maul knew too, that we had a Jedi here. And I was dead sure Qui could show the Sith his limits.

* * *

**End of chapter three.**

**What will happen next?**

"As Qui had predicted, the Sith was now up on a regular basis, although he tired easily. With studied casualness he loitered about in the house, looking around, peeping into all the rooms ...”


	4. where Sue and Mary come to some revelations about vacation, horntips and pigs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on butter and beer...
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. Although the whole story is for entertainment, we don't intend blasphemy.

**Nightshift: Sue's POV**  
  


Originally I had expected to have the second night watch, but the Sith refused our ministrations, not even Mary was allowed to be around him for longer than few hours. Our disappointment died after Qui-Gon deemed it wasn’t really necessary to stand sentinel over the patient’s sleep. The healing session of the first day had had a remarkable effect, so he told. I agreed with Mary that our fallen dark side angel would be very grateful to us for not paying too much public attention to his pain and weakness. Well... grateful in his own, sithly way.

And so it was — after the abovementioned two days Maul was totally acclimatized and could eat everything. And he ate a lot!

One night I was awakened by a light rustle in Maul’s room, and the sound of a door opened and closed. Quickly I slipped into my shoes and followed him, fearing that he might not be well and, as was his nature, conceal it from everybody else. I went out through the porch and around the house to the kitchen door, saw light in the window and stepped in.

He was making a sandwich. A huge one, from what I could tell. “Sorry to disturb,” I said sheepishly, “I was just worried. Want some tea?”

He looked up, fixed me with an intense stare and returned to applying generous amounts of butter to his bread. “Yes.”

So I put the kettle on and sat shivering, hunched, by the table, watching him eat. By the time tea was ready he had made another sandwich. And he drank his tea with _three_ spoonfuls of sugar.

“Maul, I didn’t realize you needed more food,” I said. “You could have just said so. You can always have as much as you need.” And made a mental note to go and rob the nearest ATM in town. With the amounts of food we had to buy now, our bankruptcy seemed imminent, if Mary didn't get the paycheck from her latest contract anytime soon.

I sat at the table, peering at our Sith lord through my eyelashes. The silence was somewhat uncomfortable and I wracked my brains trying to find a suitable conversation topic, something innocent and impersonal, hopefully one where Maul would contribute more than monosyllabic answers. Just as I was opening my mouth to ask whether it was true that the scavenging banthas' meat was indeed considered a delicacy, Maul’s hand stopped halfway to his mouth. “Are you and your friend farmers? It’s a small farm …”

Despite the fact that the discovery of having yet another mind-reader around made me somewhat uneasy, I had to hide a smirk. Attack is the best defense, indeed, I should have guessed. “No, we’re not farmers. This is a summer house. Mary and I are on vacation.”

“Vacation?”

“That means we’ve worked for a time and then take our granted spare time. When it’s finished, we go back to work.”

“Who granted it? Your owner?”

“We have no owners,” I declared. “We are our own persons.”

Maul smirked.

Now I asked: “Is there nothing like vacation in your world?”

“Yes. The military have it. It’s not the same, but similar.” He paused, chewing his sandwich thoughtfully, then continued more energetically: “For the civil world spare time is rather connected with religious feasts. For some the spare time depends on their owner. Droids and slaves.” He stared at me baring his teeth in a grin.

“Mary and I are freelancers. Like … like … like bounty hunters are. We _earn_ money. And this is our vacation. No duty. No tasks. Just freely doing what we like.”

Maul decided to retreat “Yes. The writing and Intell... Internet business. Mary told me.”

As if on a cue, Mary opened the door, her gaze wandering from me to Maul and back. “Nightshift?”

But the sudden amount of attention was obviously too much for our Sith Lord. With a muttered “Thanks” and a curt nod to Mary, he left abruptly.

“Duh,” I said, staring at the closed door. “Vanished. And we were just starting to have a grand time.”

Mary yawned and rubbed her eyes.  
  


**Horntips: Mary’s POV**  
  


Sue looked at me and repeated my question: “Nightshift?”

“Jam session,” I answered, “If you can brew a triple mocha.”

Smiling, she put the kettle on again. With the mugs, milk and sugar I settled down before the computer.

I had already checked my mailbox, when Sue appeared in the living room with the coffee-pot smelling promisingly.

While I slowly supplied my sleepy brain with the first dose of caffeine for this session, Sue skimmed through her mailbox. “Later. Later. This is … Later. This is ... A short one.” She sent me an apologetic look and started writing. It was ok with me, because my brain was still in hibernation mode. I proceeded with the awakening by drinking a second cup of coffee.

“Now. I’m ready.”

When I’m tired, my jaws are locked. I gestured for her to settle down comfortably at the other end of the couch. Sue curled herself into the pile of pillows I had left for her and purred, “Got a nice mental image yesterday. Coffee, please.”

Still mute, I gave her a mug, poured myself a third one and decided to test if a high-energy fuel like sugar would have a better effect on my dull brain. To have two guests in the house — one of them in bad condition — sucked more than I’d realized, submerged over the last days in the care for Maul, supporting Sue with household and entertaining Qui-Gon.

“Let’s hear your image, Sue.” Ah, well, sugar worked fine.

Sue began: “Maul sleeping under a blanket, with only tips of horns visible — cute, isn't it? Makes me want to cuddle…”

“Cute indeed,” I grinned lasciviously, trying to imagine it. “Suppose he is naked under the blanket … Shall we have a look? But sloooowly! Drag the blanket slowly down, so he won't wake up.”

My Sue nodded. “He is lying on his belly, with an arm under his cheek. You pull the blanket further down and have an irresistible urge to run your hand over his … side … Is he ticklish? But the skin feels warm … and smooth. You run your finger upwards, over the hills and valleys of his muscled back, over his powerful black shoulder, to the ear … the left ear. With the silver stud. So soft and tender on the stark muscled body of this black warrior … His eyes — you almost jump. His eyes — or rather, one eye, the other is hidden behind his arm — is open, watching you.”

I could hardly suppress a giggle. “Yes, you almost jump. But you gather yourself immediately and pretend not to see he’s watching. You also pretend not to hear his breathing quicken as your fingers continue their excursion up to the crown of horns. Hard, sharp horns surrounded by soft tissue. Indeed soft, warm and obviously sensitive. Why not take a seat beside him. Carefully – some distance must be left between his and your body. Not too much, just enough to feel the warmth of his body — you’re naked too.” Here Sue arched a brow. “From this point you see the line his spine forms from the neck down the back — so elegantly made that you can’t resist reaching out to touch him again. You run your fingertips down it. At some point you must turn your body a bit. Your hips, your belly lean softly against his side. Then your curious fingertips reach the barrier, the edge of the blanket. Shall I write it down?”

Sue gestured ‘not yet’. “You press your palm to his body, feeling the warmth of the skin, the hardness of his well-trained muscles beneath it … Your hand slips under the blanket. For a moment you stop at the point where your third finger touches the small depression where his cleft begins … then you move sideways, over his hip to his muscular thigh. You feel his muscles ripple under his skin and tense for a moment, as he adjusts his position, turning more on his side. You spread your fingers and move your palm back upward … across the front of his thigh. You feel your little finger brush slightly over … something …”

Uh, that was becoming hot. I let out a sigh.

“Go on …?” Sue asked teasingly. “Does the blanket fall down finally?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I could also be teasing when I wanted, evil me. Turning my face with a delightful expression — so I hoped — to the ceiling, I waited until I heard Sue moving impatiently. Okay, I am a merciful soul.

“The blanket doesn’t fall down. Suddenly you are dragged under it. You find yourself under his body, his intense gaze staring into your eyes. Well, obviously this was not too unexpected for you, because your legs are wide open, so he has all comfort he could wish for. His stare softens, he smiles and lowers his head. In the moment your lips meet, he enters. With the whole length of…”

“I wonder, Mary,” Sue eyed me curiously. “Would you, under favourable circumstances?”

“Sure. Although,” I added, seeing clear doubt in Sue’s features, “I don’t know how good my chances are. You’re probably well in advance with your handsome hippie.”

“Ack! Don’t mention Qui.” She almost blushed. “Besides, I meant rather … technical problems.”

“Physical incompatibility?!” I made my voice pitching high in feigned disappointment.

“Nah, Mary!”

I insisted. “You make me cry. Incompatible! Sue … By the way, when have you found that out?”

“I’m not sure how healthy it is actually to try to find out.”

Sue was right, this was an issue to ponder on. “Infections? Highly unlikely. If there was a possibility, the boyz or we would already be sick — after this long time we’ve spent together. Eating, speaking, holding hands.” I couldn’t deny myself another attempt to make Sue blush again.

“The same runs for becoming pregnant?”

“Hmm … Unlikely. Our contraceptives plus the genetic barrier. They are aliens.” I shrugged.

Sue tilted her head. “Unlikely, but not highly so … They are alien, yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there is a genetic barrier and that could mean contraceptives have no effect.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know, this gives the old adage ‘No risk, no fun’ a complete new meaning.” Anyway, we did not belong to the faint-hearted, I thought. I was well aware that Suz had just ended up with the same conclusion: wait and see. So I resumed the matter at hand: “Let’s continue. I’ve the infallible feeling you think we’re proceeding too fast.”

Sue nodded. “How about this: you explore the discovery your little finger made — first with one finger, then with two, at last taking it into your hand. The skin of his member feels like silk, as you caress it softly. Then it lies full and hard in your palm. And now you get the sight of all his glory — Maul has rolled onto his back, the blanket has fallen down.”

Without taking time for breathing — that I could hardly afford anyway at the moment — I continued. “Oh, this studied innocence: eyes now closed, the shadow of a knowing smile running over his features. He rests comfortably, one arm supporting the neck, the other idly stretched. His cock, full erect, looks lonely. You decide to console the lone hunter and straddle Maul.”

“Wait, not yet,” Sue took the relay baton. “Kneeling over his hips, you take the penis and tease yourself, searching in his features for a sign of … awakening. You play until the tip of the joystick is wet with your juices. You can’t stand to wait any longer, you lower yourself on him. At once Maul's hands grab your buttocks. His eyes are wide open, he smirks, all his features say, ‘Gotcha. Now you are where my desires say you belong.’ Like a trapped bird you flutter, riding on his …”

The words died in Sue’s throat. She stared at a point behind me. The point where the door to the kitchen was. I turned my head and froze: our Jedi stood at the door.

Qui broke the uncomfortable silence with a little cough. “I beg your pardon for interrupting your talk. I didn’t realize it’s a private one. I heard your voices and thought I had the opportunity to speak with you.”

“… Oh no. No, no, you’re welcome. Anytime.” Sue was gathering herself together amazingly fast, except the embarrassed flush on her face. “Take a seat and spill it out.”

I shook my head at Sue. I had no idea how long he had been listening to our fantasy; however, some Sithly tactics would now come in handy. “Before we get in _medias res_ , I think we owe you an explanation. You may have witnessed some … outspoken words. That has to do … Sue told you, we’re here on vacation to write stuff. We’re artists … Admitted, spare time authors, but artists. So please consider all you may have heard from artistic aspect. It is nothing personal. And now,” I felt how the burning in my cheeks vanished word by word, “what’s your request?”

Qui-Gon’s eartips pinked slightly. “Your... khm... other guest is getting better. I’ve noticed he’s able to walk around. But still he is not entirely healed — it’s even possible he never will be. And it is also likely that his stubbornness will make matters worse again.”

“What do you mean?” Sue frowned.

He sighed. “The severe injuries have been a strain on his system, and his insistence to constantly draw on the Dark Side, at the same time being unable to release it, may affect his heart.”

I felt a tinge of ice hurt my heart and at the same time amazement about the unperturbed kindness of the Jedi.

“Because of that,” Qui-Gon continued, “we are at a dilemma. On the one hand, it is imperative that we try to make it back home as soon as possible. Besides, we would not want to impose upon you more than strictly necessary. Not to mention it might cause you problems. At the same time, he is clearly not ready for the strain – remember what happened when he tried to fight?”

“So what are you going to do?”

He seemed to hesitate. “Actually, I’m not entirely sure. I dare not leave you alone with him – even though, at this point, he seems to keep his end of the bargain well, and not plot ill against you. Perhaps a few more weeks of rest, and then proceed as well as we can, with all care.” The tall man rose. “That’s all I wanted to tell you. I just thought you should know. I won’t disturb you longer. May you have an inspired work and good night.” With this less than clear explanation he left us alone.

Seeking confirmation for my thought that his reaction indicated how much we had shaken the famous Jedi-calmness with our erotic talk, I turned to Sue. For a moment she stared dumbly at the door, then at me, and spat, “You ijit, you just ruined my sex life!”

“What?”

“You! Made me look like a fool!” Leaving a trail of scattered pillows behind her, she too left. Obviously she was not amused.

Poodoo! No one loved me, no one understood me. No human, no Jedi, no Sith. A look at the computer told me that even the archangel of network communication didn’t love me. The connection had broken and no trick could resurrect it. To make the number of my punishments full, I decided to deny myself the solace of a can of beer.

I gathered myself up from the couch and went back to bed. Not wanting to disturb Sue, I took the longer way through the yard and the glass porch. It was fairly warm and clear. In the stillness of the night I thought I heard something. For a moment it almost sounded like… a man’s voice sighing in pleasure? How fucking appropriate, I thought, then shrugged it off, went upstairs and slipped into my bed. Tomorrow would be another day. Most likely.  
  


**Flattery: Sue’s POV**  
  


As Qui had predicted, the Sith was now up on a regular basis, although he tired easily. With studied casualness, he loitered about in the house, looking around, peeping into all the rooms, with an odd expression on his face. Finally he landed in the kitchen where we three sat over afternoon tea.

He acknowledged our presence with a curt nod.

“Want something, Maulie?”

He shook his head and sat down at the table with us, his yellow eyes studying our every move.

“You never told us what actually happened to you, Maul,” Mary said. “How did you end up here?”

“I fell,” Maul said curtly.

“Oh. I thought you flew. Where’s your famous Infiltrator, anyway? You do have such a ship, do you?”

Maul glared at the Jedi. “Yes, that is certainly something I would like to know too.”

Qui-Gon put the spoon calmly down before answering. “You see, I managed to take his ship from him when he fled. So the ship I’ve mentioned to you is the very same Infiltrator.”

Mary squealed excitedly. “Yay! I wanna see your ship! I wanna fly it! I’ve never seen a spaceship, let alone your famous Infiltrator.”

“Where is my ship?” Maul demanded.

“It’s some way from here. Don’t worry, it is still in one piece. Well, mostly,” Qui added.

“What do you mean, mostly? Is it flyable or not?”

“If it were,” Qui said sourly, “do you think I would still sit with you here? No, it needs some work, but nothing we can’t handle, I hope,” he added more calmly.

“Where is it?”

Qui-Gon gave us a meaningful look and shook his head. “No, young Sith. It’s too early. Recovery first.”

“When then?”

“When you’re strong enough. I won’t let you undo what we’ve achieved so far, with so much effort.”

If looks could burn, Qui would have been in ashes, so intense was Maul’s glare.

“What are you trying to hide, Jedi?”

So the Infiltrator was here somewhere. I was definitely interested. Lucky, perhaps, that it had not been Maul who flew it, considering the state he was in when we found him.

“And what did you arrive in, Maul?” Mary asked.

“An escape pod,” Maul answered.

“How so? From where?”

The Jedi answered the question. “When I finally found him, we fought. I took possession of his ship, to prevent him from fleeing. But Maul commandeered — or, to put it plainly, hijacked — a freighter. This was destroyed in the storm; I saw it hurtle straight towards the sun. But not before ejecting a pod. Now, Maul, I’ve been wondering for some time, why it was you in the pod, and the rest of the crew in the ship, and not the other way round?”

“I was in an enfeebled condition,” the Sith said sullenly.

I almost laughed when, after a few more prodding questions from our Jedi, I understood what had happened. No wonder Maul didn’t find the subject very interesting. Now who would believe that? A crew of merchants had been pissed enough to stand up against a Sith Lord, albeit a weak, probably unconscious Sith Lord — and overpowered him and ejected him into space! Well, the Force had willed it that they should pay with their lives for that.

Maul apparently found the event fairly unflattering, and mercifully Qui-Gon also dropped the subject.

*****

In the meantime the healing business did not go so smoothly, but I suppose in the end everything was more or less okay. Qui did two seances every day. After the first few he asked me to help. Basically the procedure was that Qui did his Force hocus-pocus things until he was exhausted and Maul too tense and irritated from fighting the Jedi’s light Force-energy. If Maul hadn’t fought, it would have been much easier and more effective, but a lifetime of training cannot be undone in a day or two. Although the Force is natural to all living beings, Qui-Gon explained, if you are not accustomed to it, it tends to sweep you off your feet. It must be said to Maul’s credit, though, that he tried. He tried so hard that beads of sweat appeared on his brow. But eventually he would rasp “Enough!” and push the Jedi away.

After they finished, my work started. At the end of sessions Qui-Gon was usually tired and fairly tense. Once I offered to massage him and he seemed to like it; it was after this that he asked me every time to help him. I massaged Qui to help him relax and restore his strength. He also said I was strengthening him with my own energy. Maybe I really was; I’m not sure about that. In fact I rather liked it. I wouldn’t want to miss the feeling. And it gave Mary now and then the occasion to wink and grin knowingly at me.

There was a day I managed to persuade Maul to try a soothing back-rub, in the hope that it would help ease his tension and speed up the healing process. I straddled him from behind and tried my best. It was not easy to massage someone with such hard, well-trained muscles, but I tried to put as much comfort and enjoyment in my touch as possible. He relaxed quickly, and I enjoyed the work, because it gave me a perfect view of his naked, smooth, sculpted black-and-red backside. He lay so still. I spread my fingers over his scalp and rubbed slightly between the horns, then proceeded with little sweet circlets down the nape of his neck and over the shoulders.

After a while, however, he grew restless, and I worried. He kept shifting, and finally uttered something like a groan.

“What is it, Maul? I didn’t hurt you, did I? You must tell me.”

He mumbled something from under his arms, but I couldn’t quite catch what he said.

“What?”

“I said, stop!” he shouted. “Go away!”

“Why? I thought you liked it.”

Irritated, he twisted himself from under me to push me off, and made a grab for the blanket. I almost fell. But I saw enough.

“Oh,” I mouthed and blushed. Then, trying to make it better, I said, “I’m flattered.” Then I fled.  
  


**The Pig (man, I forgot to mention the horse — we really have a zoo here): Mary’s POV**  
  


“What did you say Sue? Our mighty warrior is getting hard from a simple back-rub you gave him?!” I burst into laughter.

“Mary, stop shouting! This is not funny!”

I couldn’t. “Now, that certainly explains why he shooed me away during my nightwatch! Hah! We two, my girl, are too sexy for our Sithie! Damn.! If I’d known it earlier — how much fun …” I had to stop to take a breath — “Sue, girl! The next massage session will be verrrrry interesting.”

“He does not want it any longer. Well, at least not from me. And this is just as well for me!”

But before I could work on convincing her that deep inside her heart she had liked Maul’s arousal as well as she liked having Qui’s blue eyes staring at her, I was interrupted by the Jedi himself.

“Sue, Mary? This officer wishes to speak with you. I suppose it is concerning Maul’s and my presence here.” Behind the Jedi’s tall form trailed a cute piggy. I felt a wave of anger washing through my body when I recognized the local constable, my own personal Almost-Lover who had never understood the words “Be missing!”

“Hi, Gunnar,” I chirped, “what brought you here so fast after your visit last week?” — ‘Barnacle I added in my mind. As if there was a need for this question! Aside from his macho-allures I could have dealt with, my last year's summer flirtation had developed an insanely possessive attitude. Well, I should have expected that such folks would never accept being pushed aside. And so in fact, with his gluelike affection he was indubitably the most eligible candidate for the position of the real life phantom menace of our summer vacation.

The snub nosed exponent of the local law and order peered around with keen eyes, scanning the room for anything suspicious, lingering on the silent form of the Jedi. “Your neighbours have been complaining,” he said. “I thought I’d take a look.”

Sadly my Almost-Lover was not free of a certain kind of cowardice paired with a sense for plotting and scheming. But Allah was great and Gunnar's uncreative mind did not go further than to invent complaints from the neighbours, when he wanted to play Sue and me a nasty trick.

I was about to give a sharp retort when I noticed the Jedi's disapproving and slightly worried frown. It would be much better if I didn’t continue my private battle with Gunnar and draw the watchful (and in this case also jealous) eye of the authorities on us.

Now I felt a pair of blue eyes resting on me with a warm and agreeing look. So I took the control of this situation with the highest nonchalance I could afford. I asked affably what the problem was. Oh, a fight between two drunken men? And an assortment of male visitors, as well as an obviously — here the policeman shifted weight from one foot to the other, signaling clearly how uncomfortable he felt with his made-up duty — stoned man lying in the backroom.

I informed Gunnar that we had actually two men in the house, right (how did they know about our backroom?). But no more, no less. And if sometimes strange activities seemed to happen here (not that it was the neighbours’ business to spy on us), then maybe it was because they were artists. Actors, to be exact, seconded my Sue. We exchanged a smile, then she continued: “We’re deeply sorry if we’ve caused any inconvenience. From now on we will be more careful not to cause too much noise.”

Barely concealing his disappointment, the Constable answered, “I sincerely hope so, Mary. And do not forget to notify the Housing Office if your guests plan to spend more than a month. For your sake, I hope you aren’t housing illegal immigrants here…”

Qui-Gon frowned at that. “Don't worry, officer, we are honest citizens with no evil intentions,” he said, making a casual gesture with his hand. “In fact, we are of no interest to you. Nothing to worry about.”

Like the spring sky after rainy weather, Gunnar brightened up at this piece of information and departed happily.

In privacy again, I turned to see Sue's and Qui-Gon's equally cocked eyebrows and shrugged. “Don't know how long he will stay away ...”

“I certainly don't plan to get in the way of your friends,” Qui remarked.

I almost roared at that. “Please do get in his way, Qui-Gon! In any way you can!”

Then I realized what I had suggested, felt a burning on my cheeks and suddenly remembered I had urgent business elsewhere.

“Actors, huh?” I head Qui-Gon chuckle just before the door closed behind me.  
  
  


**End of chapter four.**

**What will happen next?**

“As we had feared, living with a Jedi and a Sith was not easy, at least not at first. ...”


	5. where the Sith gets Jedi training and vice versa, and the vision of George Lucas has to undergo a serious revision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgment: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. The whole story may be meant for entertainment, but never, nowhere do we intend blasphemy.

**Sith Gets Jedi Training: Sue’s POV**   
  


As we had feared, living with a Jedi and a Sith was not easy, at least not at first. As Maul progressed in his recovery — and he did quite soon, so obviously there really was some kind of healing Force and it wasn’t all hocus-pocus — his tameness disappeared totally. He was overbearing, somewhat aggressive and generally seemed to be nervous. When Qui-Gon and he were in the same room, he picked at the Jedi constantly. On rare occasions did these confrontations go beyond words, but there was constant tension in the air. Qui-Gon took it all with his unwavering calm, which occasionally seemed to frustrate Maul. But again his frustrated anger met Qui-Gon’s calm and unconcerned expression. Maul was galled then, and complained of food, weather, our stupidity, this primitive world, and everything else. Other things didn’t concern me, but when he complained of food, I once took it personally, went away to my room and fretted there. Immediately, Mary followed to console me. Through the wall we could hear parts of the conversation between our two boys.

"You are taking their help for granted. You forget that they owe you nothing, Maul. What they give they give out of their kindness."

"Don’t patronize me, Jedi scum. And it’s Lord Maul to you."

"Very well, Lord Maul," Qui-Gon retorted, "I am Master Jinn, you may also address me ‘your grace’, as is proper with a Jedi. I have no intention to patronize you, unless you act like you need a good whacking. I am just trying to ensure that we have a place to stay until we can find means to go back, and I wish you would co-operate."

I heard the heavy thud-thud of his boots as the Zabrak paced the length of his room. I could imagine Qui-Gon sitting on the couch, his long legs stretched out.

"What’s your secret?" Maul thundered finally. "Why do you have the Force and I do not? What is this place? Why can’t I feel the Force? Tell me!"

"You must be patient," the Jedi said quietly.

"Aaargh!" There was a frustrated roar and something crashed. I tried to remember what items there were in his room — any vases, cups, plates? But it didn’t really matter any more. Whatever it had been, it was gone. "You sound like Lord Sidious!"

I smiled. The battle was won.

"Perhaps you need to adjust," I heard Qui-Gon’s characteristic accent. "The Force is here; it has to be."

I heard the couch creak — it must have been Qui-Gon pulling his tall frame up.

"There’s more I’d like to talk with you about," he said. "You must have noticed our hostesses know some things about you... about me, too. Have you wondered why is that?"

Maul apparently continued his pacing and didn’t give an answer.

"For example," the Jedi continued, "They’ve shown me pictures of the person they claim to be your master’s last apprentice, who will destroy the Sith."

The pacing came to an abrupt halt. The Zabrak’s answer was given in a low hiss and I couldn’t catch the words.

"Why don't you just ask!" Qui-Gon called and strode out of Maul’s room.  
  


**An insight into political struggles in a galaxy far, far away: Sue’s POV**   
  


The Zabrak did as recommended. He stormed into the common room where we had set up our computer, and demanded to see.

"See what, Maul?"

"This. Everything. What you know about us, how do you know it, where it all comes from. And NOW."

"I'm not sure what you mean, there is nothing special," Mary hesitated, but Maul wouldn't be dissuaded.

Mary once again tried to avoid a disaster, although I wasn't quite sure which one of the many: "Why this sudden interest? Have we hidden anything from you? I don’t think so — you've had free access to everything: books, newspapers, TV, the Internet..."

"I don’t want to discuss the difference between hiding and not mentioning. Now!" Maul's voice was low and cutting.

"I can’t see a reason why Lord Maul shouldn’t be acquainted with the same things you allowed me to see." Qui-Gon had joined us and moved to stand beside Maul. Aha! I thought, for once they're on the same side, and mentally filed away the fact.

"Thank you... Master Jinn," Maul acknowledged still with suppressed fury in his voice, without taking his stare from us.

So Mary shrugged and seated him before the screen. I saw there was no room for me, so I picked a book and left them to browse through millions of virtual pages. Having seen how calmly our Jedi took the fact that there was a virtual and fictional universe on Earth mirroring his home-world, with a not so small bunch of fans worshipping various characters in different ways — and he had had quite some enlightening experiences about the fannish image of himself — I didn’t think Darth Maul would drop dead from this revelation. Although I wasn’t sure of his reaction to Darth Vader, the last and most unique Sith apprentice...

When I returned (and it was later, much later) Maul was still there, his unmoving stare fixed at the screen. He sat there glued to the screen, going through page after page with amazing speed. Mary had evidently given up and was now lying on the sofa, scribbling something in her notebook. Qui-Gon stood behind Maul and read over his shoulder.

"Maul, are you sure you are not taking it all too seriously?" I asked. "After all, it's nothing but fiction."

"I am not fiction." He didn't even bother to turn his head.

"So what do you hope to find there? The truth? Which of the many truths?"

"Hmm."

I raised an eyebrow at that exhaustive reply.

"Interesting," was Maul's remark when he finally switched the thing off, bearing a satisfied expression.

”What is?” I asked.

"It's like Jedi Council politics," Maul answered. "Half-truths, twisted truths and outright falsehoods."

Obviously I’d missed something here. I really wished I’d been by his side, to see his reaction when he first read about himself and a certain padawan getting into an acrobatic clinch. So I asked him to elaborate.

"What Maul means is that your take on our world contains some shocking insights side by side with some things that have been turned completely upside down, which makes me wonder about their source," Qui-Gon spoke up. "I wonder if they have been deliberately fed to this... Mr. Lucas or whatshisname. What's the purpose behind it all, and who in the stars would profit from such vision of things?"

"So tell us what's not true."

Maul spread his arms and grinned smugly. "Well, the most obvious thing."

I stared blankly.

"We both are here, alive, in case you haven't noticed — at least I am very much so. I refuse to be called 'alternate'."

"Of course, Maulie. You are the one and only," Mary smiled. "And we are glad that things are the way they are; really, we are."

Maul frowned in disapproval at the endearment. "Anyway, that's only the start." He obviously prepared to make a bigger hit. "You've got many other things wrong too. For example, there is no Sith temple on Korriban or anywhere else. There is no such place as Korriban, and the Sith do not have temples. We celebrate our existence wherever we are. Our body is our temple."

I noticed Qui-Gon prick up his ears.

"Neither is there any spirit of Lord Exar Kun hanging around on some moon or whatever. All Sith Lords are accounted for, and we keep good track of our people. Quite unlike the Jedi." He challenged the other with his glare. "I am aware of several Jedi whose fate is not known to you. Haven't you thought about them, Jedi? Does your council have nightmares about them having ‘fallen’?"

Qui-Gon shrugged. "So? Are they fallen?"

Maul sent us a triumphant smirk. "Master Jinn hasn't told you about the Jedi. Of course not. What a bunch of halfwits and liars they are. You've often mentioned a Jedi called Mace Windu. If he is the same Windu who stepped down from the council three years ago, he is definitely not black. In his time he was said to be a wise councilor — if a Jedi can be wise — but it was he whose rule in the council cost the most Jedi lives after the Great Sith Wars. He then gave his blessing to the Hutt war that almost destroyed their spaceship industry in Corellia. But Jedi Master Jinn won’t mention it — no, because it is a shame for every Jedi. Hypocrites, that’s what you Jedi are."

"Politics and power struggles are really not an issue here," Qui-Gon countered. "I don’t think the ladies are interested in it."

"Of course!" Maul gave a derisive snort. "So now you hide behind them."

Frustration passed briefly over Qui-Gon’s face, but then he shrugged. "Very well, if you insist. That particular confrontation was inevitable. It had gone too far, and even a Jedi councilor has limited powers and influence. The Hutts don’t take us very kindly, as you know, I’m sure."

"Imagine that," Maul mocked. "And that’s what stops the great Jedi, guardians of peace and justice! Pathetic!"

Qui-Gon sighed. "I don’t want to argue with you about free will and the policy of non-interference, because as a Sith, no doubt you’ve been trained in a different way. So I guess we can’t achieve an agreement here."  
  


**A lesson in xenobiology: Sue's POV**   
  


(Authors' remark: The following language problem is with all due respect dedicated to Siubhan, because our version of spoken English sounds much worse than whatever you've seen here.)

"Wait, wait —" Mary rose her hand. "Hutt industry on Corellia, was that what you said? What have the Hutts to do with Corellia?"

"Hutts are native inhabitants of Corellia," Qui-Gon explained calmly.

"What? Does this mean Jabba the Hutt is Corellian?" Mary giggled. "Han Solo is a Hutt?"

"Not 'Hutt'," Maul corrected her, "'Hutt'. You must say it with an 'u'. It rhymes with 'put'."

"Hoot," Mary echoed obediently. I heard a muffled noise and saw our domesticated Jedi look away and scratch his nose diligently. I couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing.

"You know, sometimes I really don’t get why you two can’t be friendly, or at least normal with each other," I said when I could breathe again. "After all, you are so similar."

"You don't know what you're talking about, woman," Maul snapped angrily.

"Really, she's right," Mary came to my aid, "look at the way you take words out from each other's mouths. And you bicker like two political parties. Which implies some mutual understanding inbetween the political debates. Is that what makes the difference between your orders? The political differences only?"

"And," I added, "when it comes to you two against our world, like making your point to us for example, then you two are buddies and in complete agreement with each other."

"Like a certain loving couple of a princess and a slug of a Hutt — Hoot — whatever," Mary couldn't resist. The image of Leia and Han the Hutt, or Jabba the Corellian, was just too irresistible.

"Where do you take these strange ideas from? They're humanoid," Maul protested (as always changing the subject, to take our minds away from dangerous issues such as the possibilities of peace between Jedi and Sith). "Most of the intelligent 'life-forms' as you call them are humanoids. One head, two arms, two legs, no snouts, no duckbills, no eyestalks, no spider-legs. Haven't you ever heard of xenobiology before? The first law of xenobiology: all life forms capable of space travel appear as the result of an evolution toward the same phenotype." He paused and shot a glance toward the Jedi, then continued. "Well, mostly — at least as far as natural development is concerned. Then, of course, there are all sorts of mutated freaks. For some even the gender is not so clearly defined." Maul's remark was flavoured with a concealed slyness, like a hidden dagger. What kind of dagger could it be?

"What are you referring to, Maul? Are there more than two sexes?" I voiced my amazement. Because if the Galaxy Far, Far Away truly sported so little diversity in intelligent life-forms, I'd think there would be no excesses in this area. At least not in the... umm... humanoids.

"Only two sexes there are, no more no less." The Sith let the words roll over his tongue, enjoying their taste. "But some persons do change between sexes. Repeatedly."

Qui-Gon furrowed his brows. "I cannot see anything awkward in master Yoda having originally been female. You know about the ecological disaster on his home-world that left them incapable of producing any male offspring. To use genetic engineering to safeguard the future of their genome was a most obvious decision."

Ohmigod! Frank Oz the cute and wise minimaster! Well, if Qui-Gon didn't see anything awkward in that, I did for sure — the image of a she-Yoda with lipstick and all was just way too crazy. Mary agreed with me wholeheartedly — she buried her head in the pillows, her body rocking from choked laughter. (Later, over a goodnight beer, she told me she had got the mental image of a she-Yoda flirting heavily during a council session.)

Qui-Gon obviously wasn't entirely happy that we seemed to share Maul's view on this, but he was wise enough not to remind us of our professed open-mindedness.

"But why, Master Jinn, not change back after the duty is done?" Maul continued nastily. "Why not put away the tool after it is used? Why has Master Yoda, after becoming a Jedi, transformed from female to male and back on a regular basis? Especially as he no longer contributes to the reproduction of the genome. I thought to be one with yourself and the Force is the major goal of the Jedi order."

"Master Yoda must have had his reasons, I am sure," the Jedi Master said quietly but firmly, his demeanor indicating that as far as he was concerned, the topic was already covered and closed.

After a moment's silence I decided that a change of subject was in order and went back where we had left off — the discussion of xenobiology. "Why is space travel the determining criterion?" I asked. "It's just an aspect of technology."

"It requires a certain level of control over technology, and consequently a level of abstract thinking that other life forms have not been able to achieve," Qui-Gon explained. "Of course, it is difficult to draw a line where intelligent life-forms end and non-intelligent ones begin, but the fact is, all species that have developed a script, a system of abstract values and engage in space travel — even if they have learned to do so from other species — are what you call humans or humanoids."

Mary looked at me in sudden remembrance of a nightshift days ago. ”That bears another question. Are we of the same species so to say? Can you reproduce with Earthlings?”

"We can," Qui-Gon smiled. "That is another law of xenobiology: the similarity of phenotypes is positively correlated with the capability of successful interbreeding. Even Maul's race can, most probably."

"Ah, well," Mary said, "that’s….good to know."  
  


**Favourable auspices: Sue’s POV**   
  


As soon as Maul was well enough so that we didn’t need Qui-Gon constantly around (except for his healing seances), the Jedi withdrew into his room, or occasionally disappeared from the house for hours. He said he spent that time in the ship, trying to repair it and to get a signal from off-world. Theoretically it was possible that another ship might pass by in the transmission range; but the possibility was very thin. However, I suspect a good part of his time was spent meditating.

When Qui-Gon was out, we often sat with Maul, talking or surfing the net. This was something he had become very interested in. When the Jedi was at home, he tactfully kept away from Maul’s room — and Maul kept to his own room, to avoid the Jedi. Then we’d sit together in the living room or kitchen or veranda, Mary, Qui-Gon and I, and talk about many things, about his world and ours. Sometimes I wished Maul would join us, not wanting to exclude him from our circle; but he never came to us, and we felt it would be improper to intrude into Maul’s privacy.

But Maul’s self-imposed seclusion didn’t last.

One day Qui-Gon (tall as he is, with a perfect view of things hidden away on top of furniture) found a guitar. He took it down and studied it with interest.

"Do you play guitar?" I asked.

"It’s similar to an instrument that I was taught when I was young... Not that I play really."

"Come on, play something," Mary urged.

He adjusted the strings, struck some chords, and tried a catch of a tune. Although I must say that he was not very successful. Besides, the instrument was clearly not in tune.

Maul had silently entered and stood by the door, listening. After a while he snorted. "Really, Jedi," he sneered, "this sounds worse than a dozen Yuzzums of Endor."

Qui-Gon smiled beatifically. "I suppose it does. My master always said so, anyway."

"Should have listened to him."

The Jedi Master smirked. "When do young men ever listen to their masters. I suppose you’ve given yours many a headache yourself."

Maul opened his mouth, but closed it without saying anything. Qui-Gon did as if he didn’t notice. "Oh yes, I could drive him nuts with my singing! Sometimes when he made me do chores or wounded my adolescent ego, I used it to get back at him." He continued to pluck at the strings haphazardly. "You know, he made me do katas in front of other knights and masters – somehow my legs kept growing ahead of me and there was a period when not a week passed when I didn’t stumble over my own feet. Of course, I failed miserably. Then back in our rooms I went to shower and started... um, howling, I suppose. Popular tunes, like the Bith March, A Bonnie Ship Sailed Across the Stars... Whistlin’ Lady... Oh Ye Fiery Corellian Whiskey..."

"No!" Maul shook his head incredulously.

"Did too. With all the naughty parts. Roared them out especially loud, and I loved to hear my voice in the shower."

"Didn’t he cane you or something?"

Now it was the Jedi’s turn to look up in surprise. "Of course not, we’re civilized beings--- Wait, do you mean to say you would have been punished for singing?"

"I suppose, if I had produced a sound like a nerf’s baaing, he would have pulled harp strings from the skin of my back."

We all looked mildly alarmed, and Maul smirked triumphantly.

"What? I was only joking. Stars, will you stop this infernal noise!" He grabbed the guitar out of Qui-Gon’s hands and for a moment I thought he was going to throw it across the room; but he merely placed it carefully on the table. "No, he allowed me to play my dhobo flute for recreation." He bent to pull out a thin instrument from what must have been a knife-pocket in his boot, and twirled it between his fingers.

I stepped closer curiously. "May I see it?"

He handed it to me. It was not unlike some types of flute of our world, small, light, and obviously well used and well loved. It sat perfectly in my hands and my fingers slid easily to their places, but before I could try a note, he plucked it away from me.

"It is Iridonian," he explained. "Master ordered me to stay in touch with my homeworld. Sent me there a few times. Made me learn things. We’re not total savages, you know."

"Would you play something for us?"

"Yes, Maul," Qui-Gon seconded my plea, "it would be an honour."

But somehow it seemed as if the Sith had suddenly woken up and realized that he was fraternizing with lesser beings. He stood abruptly, hid his flute and left without a word.

Yet in the evening, when the stars were out and grasshoppers chirred in the night, we suddenly heard a quiet tune from the porch. Then another. Simple, but lovely.

Mary and I refrained from commenting when Maul came in later to get his before-the-bed tea and sandwich, but it was clear that something fundamental had changed in our relationship with the young Sith.

In the following days I often wondered if it had been real or a dream, because after that the boyz went back to their usual bickering and rivalry. But shortly afterwards I realized that at about that time they had begun to address each other easily as ‘Maul’ and ‘Jinn’ with no mention of any titles. Evidently they had decided that they could exist together in one world.  
  


**Mary Goes A-Hunting (or The Crocodile): Mary's POV**   
  


Maul sat on the windowsill. He had developed this habit since he had been able to leave the bed. Eyes closed, leaning against the window frame, he reminded me of an estuarine crocodile basking in the sun — an unpredictable, dangerous monolith. Like those patient hunters, the Sith sat there motionless, but something in his attitude left no room for doubts that he would become a released arrow when the moment was right.

From time to time the crocodile graced me with a tilted gaze from his deep yellow eyes. I pretended not to care, because I didn’t want to feed his arrogance. Although it was hard to do gardening work when feeling Darth Maul’s presence. I couldn't help loving him! Couldn't you, Mary? — I asked myself — Is it because you have played around with fantasies about this screen-character for so long? Or is it because of the rare signs of attraction to you he shows occasionally — preferring your company if he can choose, following you steadily like a shadow, watching you, if you are nearby, his smile... oh, his smile...

Burning salty sweat running into my eyes awoke me from my daydream. Yep, I knew the argument that to fall for a screen-character who looks like devil is just one way of making up for what you lack in everyday life by yielding yourself to the crowds of Azrael. Or the reasonable argument: Mary, running out of lovers, takes the nearest available specimen. I laughed silently, which earned me another flash from Maul's golden eyes. Maybe I was a hormone-driven chunk of flesh, maybe I wasn't. The Maul we housed was not a screen-character, he was a male, as was Qui — very disturbingly so, in a way that wasn't easy to forget even for a moment. How to count the facets of his personality beyond what had been conveyed with five lines of text and three brief scenes of screen appearance? Thank Allah and the first law of xenobiology, he wasn’t that much different from the movie; I stifled another snicker as some images arose in my mind. I would have loved to be with him, to get anything from him — acknowledgement, partnership, sex — anything.

_No, Mary, that wouldn't be good._

"Damn, Maul! Do you read thoughts?!"

My outburst earned a smirk.

"It was just an finger exercise. Already forgotten what I saw."

"This isn't exactly the answer I hoped for, you know." I decided to be frank.

"Oh, Mary." Maul folded his arms in front of his chest. "What did you expect from a man stranded here in bad condition and without a ship? I don't want to make things more complicated than they are. I'm just joking a bit." The bitterness in his voice belied the amused expression of his features.

"Could it be you suffer from boredom?" I asked, with a sudden idea forming in my head. "How about your martial arts training? Don't you need daily training?" I would have loved to see him in motion.

Maul shook his head slightly, evaluating my suggestion. Then he jumped right out the window, landing in front of me. "I am not yet ready for the full training program, but I can teach you in the meantime. This will be a welcome distraction." He stepped closer. "You show signs of fast reflexes and not so bad body co-ordination."

I grinned, remembering the near accident with a glass of milk that my praised reflexes had avoided.

"But you must follow my orders and behave, Mary."

"Sure, Maulie, anytime."

"And never call me Maulie."

"Okay, whatever."

"And certainly not ‘whatever’."

Then he kissed me and it was like ... Nothing. I mean really, nothing: One finger under my chin to lift my face to his and a brief soft touch on my lips. I overheard deliberately the faint voice in my head calling me a stupid bitch who assumes too much. A Sith Lord would never be attracted to you, only play games with you. But the gambler in me reached out and tugged playfully at his right temple horn.

A clearly shocked Maul opened his eyes wide: "...This, too, falls under bad behaviour."  
  


**Jedi Gets Sith Training: Sue’s POV**   
  


Maul was getting stronger and stronger and I began to fear that he would soon want his revenge.

"Don’t worry," Qui-Gon said, "Twice he has tried, twice he has failed. This time he will wait until he is completely restored. And that should still be some time away."

How could he speak so calmly about something that involved himself, possibly in a most unpleasant way! And probably us too! "What a relief," I said with an edge of irony.

"As you must know already," Qui-Gon explained, "the truth is, I cannot heal him completely. I do not have the skills, and the unfamiliar feeling of the Force here doesn’t help either. Yesterday he asked me to end those healing seances. Evidently he, too, found that I couldn’t be of any further use. But I still think he needs to see a medic."

"I wonder why hasn’t he sought help before. I mean, the way he was, he must have known he couldn’t best you. Was he on a sort of suicide mission?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don’t really know. Perhaps I interrupted his healing when I found him on Mazarna and chased him to this place."

"Or his master denied it to him?" I guessed. "Because he failed?"

"With the Sith, that may be possible too."

"But he’s stronger — he looks much better now," Mary stated.

Qui-Gon nodded. "That’s his way. He is very strong. Amazingly so — I’ve never seen anybody like him. But right now it's still a far cry from his full strength that I’ve seen."

I tried to imagine the Sith in his full glory. And the Jedi in his full glory. And wondered if Mary and I would ever fit into the picture.

 *****

Evidently my doubts were unfounded. I began to notice that Mary and Maul seemed to have a thing going. When they sat together at the computer, Mary often laid her hand on Maul's (who controlled the mouse — he never was one to let himself be led), and Maul would lean almost over her, showing her something, his knee brushing against Mary's. When we were together, Mary often winked at Maul or arched a questioning eyebrow, then Maul would respond with his intense stare, Mary would grin back or make faces, and Maul would respond with his own smug grin — a whole conversation going on under our eyes.

One day I was surprised to see Mary doing some martial arts exercises in the yard, Maul standing behind her, hands on her hips, adjusting her body posture, then correcting and guiding her movements. They moved together through a kata, at first slower, then picked up speed; however, they stopped frequently and repeated some movements until Maul was satisfied. I stepped out, watching them. But I was not the only spectator: Qui-Gon stood, leaning against the gate, watching too.

After they finished the kata, Qui-Gon commented: "Maul, I knew you were an exceptional warrior, but you are also a wonderful teacher."

Maul just nodded in acknowledgement.

The Jedi master stepped into the yard. "I wonder if I could make use of your talents."

"You’re braindead," Maul shot at him. "A Jedi asking to be taught by a Sith?"

Humour glimmered in Qui’s eyes. "I’m on vacation," he offered and threw the Sith’s lightsabre hilt that he had kept since Maul’s arrival back to its owner. "I believe this is yours."

Maul caught the weapon, examined it briefly and hung to his belt, shaking his head at what he believed was the Jedi's naiveté. "You think I’m stupid? You think I’ll show you every trick so you can use it against me?"

"I was just hoping to keep in practice, perhaps also to improve," Qui-Gon said noncommittally.

Maul appeared to consider.

"A master like you doesn’t need any further teaching," he finally said. Now it was Qui’s turn to make a formal bow.

Then Maul laughed. His laugh was abrupt, derisive, not exactly pleasant but somehow very lovely in its unexpectedness. Mary and I exchanged surprised glances, then before we knew it we were laughing.

Maul scowled at us. "What’s so funny?" he asked. We laughed even more.

"Women," Maul shrugged. Then added with a very interesting mixture of humour, confusion, denial and something else, "It appears I’m on vacation too. Very well, I could use some sabre practice."

Indeed, I thought, how else could he put up with owing his life to a Jedi, but to decide he was on vacation? And how else could Qui-Gon explain to himself helping a Sith, the same that had almost killed him?

I, however, liked the outcome. It seemed — well — promising.  
  


**End of chapter five.**

**What will happen next?**

"Finally Qui-Gon agreed to take Maul to his ship. It sat in a deserted quarry in the middle of woods over two hours’ walk from our house..."


	6. concerning spaceships, strawberries and — umm — a lot of foolishness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. The whole story may be meant for entertainment, but never, nowhere do we intend blasphemy.

**Strawberries: Mary’s POV**  
  


Finally Qui-Gon had agreed to take Maul to his ship. It sat in a deserted quarry in the middle of the woods, over a two hour walk from our house.

We stopped as a small path turned off the main road (was this the main road? It was nothing more than a graveled forest path where two cars couldn’t even pass each other) into the quarry. The familiar ominous shape of the Infiltrator squatted in the sandy pit like Smaug. As we got closer, I saw that it was tilted slightly to one side: the aft right landing strut was obviously broken. There was also some damage to the right radiator panel that hadn’t folded properly. The ship was scorched and blackened.

Maul gave the Jedi a hateful look and jogged towards the ship. He walked several times around it, running a palm over its sides, like a parent touching a child’s forehead to feel for fever. He peeped under its belly and climbed up to the wings, and his fury rose with every minute. Finally he stepped up in front of the Jedi, his teeth bared in a grimace, fists clenching.

"You know, Jinn, I think I should just give you a lesson you’d remember."

"The real problem is that the power cells and nav systems that went all nuts in the storm," Qui-Gon said apologetically. "I haven’t been able to access them. You probably have installed some fail-safes."

"You bet." Maul threw him a venomous glance. "Hyperdrive?"

"That should be okay. I switched to sublight immediately before... Sublight took the brunt of the storm, but nothing major. We should take a look on the right wing overload caches, though."

"What’s with the panel?" I asked.

"Basically, I was thrown into the atmosphere without a proper landing cycle activated, and it must have been a little rough for it. In fact, the ship was rotating wildly and there was little I could do anyway."

"Cloaker?" Maul interrupted him.

"I wouldn’t really know about that, I’ve never seen one. Look, I don’t think a cloaker would be essential..."

"Where’s my remote?"

Qui-Gon handed him the buttoned armband. "It’s loaded and in order."

"Not thanks not you," Maul muttered, pressing a sequence to let down the ramp and the cargo drop panel.

Sue had wandered off into the woods and I thought I’d follow her. Behind my back I heard Maul’s angry shout: "The stygium crystals! How the shit did you manage to burn these?"

I found Sue squatting in a clearing right at the edge of the wood. "Come here, Mary," she said, "some early wild strawberries are ripe." Indeed, there were tiny red dots of strawberries in the grass. This place opened to the south and was well shielded from winds, so the berries had ripened well. Sue had already picked a handful.

Suddenly we heard the familiar ill-boding low buzzing and zooming sounds, followed by thunderous clashes. A fight! We jumped to our feet. Indeed, two fighters were moving about in a wild dance.

"Oh SHIT!" I shouted and sprinted off, followed by Sue, screaming: "Stop this bullshit! Stop this NOW!"

Maul pressed a fierce attack against Qui-Gon. "Keep out!" the Jedi shouted to us. We darted here and there around them nervously, trying to avoid the striking range.

Suddenly Qui-Gon made a quick back-flip; Maul dashed off after him when —

Qui-Gon barely managed to switch off his sabre in mid-strike; Maul fell back to avoid a catastrophe.

Sue stood between them, clutching her both hands to her chest, screaming.

Then she shut up and there was a moment of stunned silence, before Maul rose to his feet, dusted his breeches and cursed. "Don’t you ever do that again, stupid woman!" he yelled.

Sue started shivering violently, her knees went wobbly. I ran to support her and let her down on the grass gently. Suddenly everybody was yelling at everybody else. Maul accused Qui-Gon of anything and everything, Qui-Gon said something that nobody heard — and nobody cared anyway; I yelled at both boys, letting them know what I thought of them and what they should do with their sabres.

It all stopped as suddenly as it had started. We all looked at Sue. She sat where I had left her, unmoving, hands still pressed to her chest, and bright red lines ran down her arms.

"She’s hurt!" I cried in panic.

"I didn’t touch her!" Maul started, stepping closer. "Hey, what’s with you? What did you do, Jedi scum? Your hand’s hurt?"

In total amazement Sue looked at her arms, then started to half giggle, half sob hysterically, shaking her head. Maul grabbed her arm, took a look at it, then sniffed and took a cautious lick.

"It’s strawberries, you fucking stupid assholes," Sue finally managed through tears. "I picked strawberries — for you..."

Her palm was full of crushed red pulp, and her face and clothes were all covered with red stains. My knees went weak with relief and I sank down beside her, hugging her tightly, ignoring that now I was smeared all over with strawberry juice.

"Don’t you ever, ever do that to me again, my dear Sue," I said. "Hear me?"  
  


**No-Mary Once Again: Mary's POV/strong >**  
  


"I will care for her." The Jedi's large hand touched my shoulder. "It is just a shock, Sue needs some rest. I would like to put her into the cargo-bay. It's empty and silent there. You can spare it, when you assess the damages of the Infiltrator, Maul."

The owner of what once had been the most secret spaceship of a whole galaxy agreed with a growling sound. I handed Sue over into the strong arms of Qui-Gon, who disappeared with his slightly protesting burden into the ship's belly. What a reasonable and sensible man, I thought.

Then I looked at Maul. Hands folded at his back he stared at the Infiltrator.

"And now? Do you need help — err, sorry — support in the assessment?"

My question made him turn. "You tech-minded?"

"Yep!"

"On civilised worlds we use mech droids for that." He sent me a crooked grin, but gestured for me to follow. Now, my strawberry-smeared person appeared as bad but actually the only available compromise in the eyes of the scrupulous Sith Lord.

The next hours Maul and I spent on the painstaking work of finding every little leakage, loss or sub-optimal configuration the ship had endured. I basically did the fetch-and-carry for my Maul, reading scales, slipping behind panels, diving into cable trenches or — the peak of ambiguous technical work — running short evaluation cycles with some strange software and reporting the results. But I learned about another facet of the Sith Lord — the focussed and well-educated technician. Obviously his overbearing and arrogant behaviour wasn't completely unfounded. He was a Lord in this art too. Although I would have loved it better if he had sent me one of his cute smiles instead an occasional sneer, as we worked through the ship.

*****

In the cockpit we had to check the status of the acceleration compensator, a ring surrounding the chamber right beneath the ceiling. "Mary, this will probably tire you quickly: you'll have to work over head. The AC-ring is constructed of interrelated compartments and we must find out how stable the whole construction is."

"I thought this was stuck on a supporting grid — or whatever." I said climbing on a seat to eye my next working field closer.

"Lord Sidious is not in the habit of wasting credits," Maul informed me flatly. "These compartments also hold each other, making a cheap and lightweight but strong construction. Therefore, in addition to the evaluation of the remaining AC efficiency we already did," here he knocked at the buttoned wristband, "we have to check the inter-webbed structure the ring builds. It's simple. Right in the middle is the central or zero section. From there to the left — that’s where your heart is — the circle of sections starts with section one. You need to put your hand on each of the sections and make sure that none has lost their mechanical connection to the neighbouring sections. I'll lift you up, this is better than crawling over the seats and panels; in this way you also won't have to bend. You yell out the number of the section as well as the status — okay or defect."

He did as he said, heaving me over his head. I started my toilsome work but not without being well aware of his physical presence. I would bet he could hear my heart beating loud and quick. "Section 0 — okay. Section 1 — okay. Section 2 — okay."

I felt his hands firmly on my hip. "Section 15 — okay. Section..." Does he ever get tired of my weight? What a power. How promising. I felt every ripple of his muscles as he shifted his position, so that I could reach further sections. I think my shin was right where... "Section 50 — okay."

He held me close to his body, as I was almost lying on him. He had tilted back his head, to catch a look at my work. I could feel his breath wafting over my naked belly — my shirt had slid upward as I stretched out towards the ceiling. The regular waves of warm air provoked a wish of more — lips descending on my skin, a tongue swirling around my navel, hands sliding under my shirt...

_No, Mary, you don't want that really._

"70 — last section — okay." (Why couldn’t there be 1000 sections?)

Maul lowered me to a stair in front of a panel. I was above him still, my hands resting on his shoulders, eye to eye. He looked so kissable.

_Mary, won't you behave? >/em>_

Bloody _mind reader_ , I cursed under my breath.

My lips touched his. They were cold, yet soft. I didn’t try to slip my tongue into his mouth, only played a bit, making the first excursions over his lips. He did not push me back, but neither did he respond; he just held me tight and took in my ministrations.

"Maul, what's your... Oops, I didn't mean to intrude at a private moment." Qui-Gon's voice fell like a sabre between us and we flinched back. I, the "artist" of a certain nightshift, wanted to sink into the ground right there. What I saw in Maul's eyes wasn't exactly enthusiasm either. He released me without hesitation; as if just waited for the Jedi to walk in. Not even wasting a second look at me. _Damn, why must you be so emotionless?!_

"Is there anything of importance you’ve come to tell me, Jinn, or is that part of your Sith-watching program?" Maul growled over his shoulder without eyeing the unwelcome intruder directly. Ah! So he was disturbed! I was so pleased that I almost purred. Because that meant that Maul's defenses were becoming thin, very thin indeed…

Qui-Gon, obviously, had had his share of sithly temper for the day. "It's not like you had a 'do not disturb' notice on the door."

Maul bit back a retort, as Sue walked in.

"I just wanted to know the results of the assessment," the Jedi went on smoothly as if nothing had happened. (And I didn't miss the fact that he moved over to stand beside Sue in a manner that I could have described as — possessive? — if I hadn't known better.)

"Don't ask for results, Jinn," the Sith shook his head. "Better ask our hostesses for permanent accommodation."

Qui-Gon became quite motionless for a moment, but his face was a study of blankness. "Hopeless. Just as I feared."

This was a kind of... news. My mouth was suddenly dry. So the boyz would have to stay... forever...? A thousand thoughts whirled through my head. Where would they live? With us? What changes would be brought into my life by their coming to live with us permanently? What would they do here? What would the neighbours say? What would my mom say? And, last but not least, the most horrible thought of all — that they would be here, on Earth, but not with Sue and me... That would have been worse than unbearable. I exchanged a quick glance with Sue. A heavy silence spread in the cockpit. Dejectedly Qui-Gon turned his gaze down on the floor. The Sith watched him with interest — was that enjoyment behind his impenetrable black and red striped mug?

Finally Maul had evidently drunk his full of the Jedi's affliction, and was satisfied. "I didn't say hopeless. I only said I'm not sure if you've got a ticket for the return trip." He bared his teeth in a sardonic grin. "After you managed so nicely to burn the stygium crystals and disable the sublight, it is only fair to leave you behind on this dirt-ball, to learn space travel from scratch. As for the ship, it only needs a bit of work. Shouldn't take long to restore at least the fitness to fly."

"With what? No tools, no mech droids." The Jedi had changed from slightly-depressed-thoughtful over slightly-relieved-thoughtful to usual-Jedi-Master-cool-and-thoughtful with a surprising ease. Watching our boyz seizing each other up with gazes, I felt there was something unspoken behind this. Maul was a tiny bit too engaged for a spaceship captain who takes the destroyer of his toy to task. Even the interrupted kiss was no sufficient reason for his anger. And the Jedi... he relaxed so amazingly quickly, as if there never had been any loss of hope. I...

"You'll have to take the place of the droids, then," Maul smirked. "Perhaps you'll earn the return ticket with your work. And perhaps our nice hostesses could help out with the address of the next spaceport to contact for the necessary tools and materials."

I rolled my eyes. "You must be joking, Maulie. Primitive dirt-ball, you know? No supralight travel, no repulsor engines? Heard about it before?"

"Your nice hostesses want to go home first and foremost," Sue’s words, spoken in a tired voice, interrupted my observations. "We — _you_ — can talk about the details in a more comfortable place. "  
  


**Fool: Sue’s POV**  
  


The trip from the ship’s hideaway to the village seemed twice its usual length in the complete depressed silence. Nevertheless, it had a cooling effect on our two fighting cocks. So, back home, we placed the boyz with paper and pen on the glass veranda. Wordlessly Maul had agreed to another peace treaty with the Jedi Master; only together they could cope with the damage. While the two outlined the repair schedule for the Infiltrator, Mary and I retired to the main room.

"Well?" Mary asked suddenly, patting my shoulder. "What’s wrong with you two?"

"What ‘what’s wrong’?" I countered not very affably.

"You two stare at each other like wanting to devour, and yet nothing?" She smiled. "Girl, what are you waiting for?"

"What are you talking about?" I snapped in an irritated voice.

"Well, that’s a frustrated woman speaking, if ever I knew one." Mary smirked. As I didn’t answer, she went on. "Suz, do you think I can’t see what you feel about Qui? Why do you torment yourself like that? And him, too? Why don’t you tell him, or let him know?"

"I won’t." My face was hot for blushing. "I can’t."

"You can’t what? I thought you were braver than that."

"Mary," I groaned, burying my face into the palms, "Just tell me, how can I go to the Jedi and say, ‘I want you to fuck me’. Could you, if you were me?"

"Sure, why not!" she waved her hand airily.

I laughed feebly. "You’re not serious. I mean, what if he says no? What a fool I would be. I thought..."

Mary took a chair and sat by me.

"I thought I’d wait — perhaps he would approach me first."

Mary cupped my face and said cheerfully, "Sue, you _are_ a damn fool."

I pulled away. "Why thank you..."

"You’re a fool," she interrupted me. "He’s a Jedi. He won’t give in to his emotions. There is no passion — remember? You’ll have to make the first move."

"If I did, then why should he... agree?"

"Because he wants you too, you smart-ass."

"Me? Nice try, Mary..." I sounded not very sarcastic.

"Of course, you are too busy batting your lashes and looking shyly away to notice how he watches you every time you’re nearby." Mary shamelessly used the gap in my line of defense she had found. "Ah, the twin-sea of his eyes, created only to get drowned in. Probably you’re also not too aware of the lips begging to be kissed, the chest begging to be died on, the..."

"Stop that!" I could no longer suppress laughter. "Do you think you’re a Sith or something? I am a human. Such tricks don’t work on me — only reason."

"Very well, that sounds more like my brave Sue," she chuckled.

"But I still cannot," I said and continued before Mary could interrupt me again: "What if, even if he... even if... what if it’s merely an act of mercy or compassion. To make me feel better."

"I see," said Mary with a small, mock serious voice. "That would be awful."

Pondering about it for a while, I finally came back to my starting point. "I think, if he really wants me, he should just say so."

Mary shook her head in disagreement: "Listen girl. He is a Jedi as I said before. He may not be passionate, but he is honourable. If you ask him, you’ll get an honest yes or no. And believe me, there is a damn high likelihood you’ll get a yes."

"But how should I ask him — if I would?"

"That’s the point — set and setting. I don’t know... Perhaps I could speak with Maul about that. I mean, the Sith must know the needs of the Jedi perfectly, after more than 1000 years of common history."

"Don’t you dare!" I laughed. "Speaking of which, how are things with Maul?"

Mary shrugged. "Very Star Wars. Some cast kisses."  
  


**Cape Carnival: Mary’s POV**  
  


Oh, yeah... no easy business with this Sith-man. Horny did the fan-canon say? Well... Perhaps Sue was right, I thought with a sigh, and we should wait for things to work out by themselves. Because, after it was clear that our guests were to stay at least until the Infiltrator was flyable again, time was on our side.

"I think, Sue..."

"It’s okay, Mary. I know." She pulled a happy face and winked. "Shouldn’t we offer our space-boyz a snack?"

A few moments later we entered the veranda loaded with what our kitchen provided for business meals: sandwiches and canapés nicely decorated with fresh herbs, eggs and mixed pickles. Baklava soaked in heavy syrup, of course, and rich flavoured tea. "May we interrupt?"

The gaze I saw Maul shoot to Qui-Gon, while I lowered the tray on the desk, could be translated as ‘Look, Jedi-scum, this is the Art of Entering for you.’I jumped in to prevent their usual bickering from flaring up again. "How's it going? Judging by your features and your scribbling block, your meeting must have been—" I tried to catch a glimpse of their papers; how cryptic! — "um — quite — constructive."

"We are not quite through with planning," the Jedi answered, arranging the papers in a neat heap to make room for cups and plates.

"Enough planning, Jinn," Maul made a disdainful gesture with his left hand — the hand that held a piece of baklava he had grabbed. The flourishing gesture threw droplets of syrup in all directions. One landed on my cheek. I removed it with my fingertip and put it in my mouth. Sweet.

Maul stared at me silently for a second. He missed no detail of the syrup-drop’s fate. "The planning's done," he started again. "Luckily most of the ship's parts are of the same composite, and the interfaces follow strictly only a few standards, so I decided to wreck the surplus parts to get material for the repairs. Stuff from panels and lattices from the passageways could serve for the stabilization of several ribs, the bridges; switches and circuit boards of the cargo bay’s automatic systems will be used up for the recovery of the rest of the ship's electronics, we’ll jam the bay because we don’t have any cargo. You get the general idea, I think."

"Probably this source will not be sufficient," Qui-Gon voiced his doubts.

"Probably!" the Sith snorted — obviously this had been a major disagreement in the discussion between them, but the Sith was not willing to surrender for a minor obstacle, such as reason. "Sure we have to share the left wing overload caches on both wings if we can’t find a replacement. That will put a strain on them, but they'll hold. That’s no reason to wait until my Infiltrator falls into pieces. We will start and see how far we will get."

Nevertheless, the Jedi had his next arrow ready: "Then there's the question of tools."

"There is the ship's equipment. There is... what is in this house. There is..." Maul paused hesitantly. "You do have some spaceports here, don’t you?" He looked expectantly from Sue to me.

"Do you think you can hijack an rocket?" Sue took a generous bite of her cress sandwich and shook her head. Hey, why not, I thought. That would be fun! Travelling in a secret mission with the Sith and the Jedi, sneaking into a space base, some thunderstruck security men and then — up, up and away. But that was an illusion. Too long distances with too many dangers and an insufficient result waiting at the end — Sue and I could see through the glamorous media presentation of earthly space exploration; but an alien, an _offworlder_ could be misled, even if he didn’t expect highly developed technology and was an experienced spacer. However, I could use the occasion for giving our arrogant Sith Lord a cold shower. Again he was taking Sue’s and my material and personal resources for granted. Not that we didn't love to supply him, but he should have graciously asked before.

"Hmm, there are," I stirred my tea, "several." Stir, stir. "Recently even the Earth's poorest countries obtained access to space with rocket launch points of their own. There are launch sites nearly everywhere."

"I am not interested in poor rocket launch sites!"

I checked Maul’s demeanour with a fast glance — ah, mildly angry, but still interested — before I went back to the stirring business. "Thought so. Real space ports — which support manned flights — we have," stir, stir, "Baikonur," stir, "Kourou," stir, "Cape Canaveral."

"Only three. Baikonur. What do you know about it?"

My performance had the profundity of a tourist guide. "Baikonur Cosmodrome is situated in Kazakhstan. Beautiful country. A plain. A slowly rolling savannah. Chin-high grass and lots of other plants from wild hemp to the halophilous saxaul. With herds of bright-eyed antelopes, long-legged horses and mighty camels. Girded with ranges of wild rocky mountains. Pine-trees growing at their feet and snow capping their peaks. The Star City however is in the yellow steppe." I took a sip of tea and looked at Maul. With an impatient gesture he signalled me to continue. He clasped his cup, the knuckles were light under his dark skin. Did my description mean something special for him? Anyway... "It’s a former military base. The oldest spaceport on Earth. Real spaceport, I mean: from there we sent our first human to the orbit. But now, times are rough, they lack money for everything: the staff isn't paid regularly, the scientific work is delayed, machinery rusts."

Sue frowned and sent me a begging glance: I shouldn’t be so cruel. She saw what I had in mind for our overbearing Sith Lord and made an attempt to change the direction of the talk. "And fuel? No one's mentioned it yet."

"As the things are at the moment, we don’t need to be concerned about it. However, if the repairs of the ion engine don’t work out as we expect, this question will come up again," Qui replied.

Too late for a change. Maul spoke up: "This Kazakhstan sounds good. If its spaceport is in such a bad condition, we could easily overcome the guards or, if we must, just pay them. How soon can we get there?"

"We can’t Maulie. Even if the staff was living on baksheesh, it is still a military base. A high security area. And you don't have the Force. And even if we wouldn’t have trouble with the staff, then we'd have it the local Mafia. These guys are really though. We would need lots of money or a small army. And that place is a week from here. By train."

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes and shook his head in desperation. Train?!? After a bit more arguing back and forth about the merits of doing away with the Mafia, Maul threw his hands up in annoyed defeat. He stared at me silently for a moment, then stirred impatiently.

"Korr-Uh?" he growled.

"Centre Spatiale Guyanais or simply Launch Point Kourou. In fact this would be very suitable." I, the kind teacher, smiled and lifted a finger to draw the children’s — err — the audience's attention. "The Îles du Diable are not far. But not the best choice, they fail often with launches. A small high-tech settlement right in the coastal jungle without much backup from the mainland."

"Have you ever been there?"

"No. It is overseas. As far as Baikonur is from here, but in the other direction. Infiltrator's the best chance to get there. But if you could fly it there, you wouldn't be in need to go there at all, would you? So I imagine that defies the whole point." I nearly felt pity, crushing the hopes of the Sith Lord. Sue made a "hrmp" noise to tell me she was not amused and I should stop, but Maul continued our discussion.

"Then it’s crap. No first hand information and - it is crap. Cape Carnival?"

"Uh, don’t say 'Carnival'," I grinned. "Kennedy Space Center. 50 proud years of experience in space travel. Overseas, too. Partly open to visitors. To be exact: gigantic facilities for keen star-ship launch watchers. And definitely paranoid security guards."

"That doesn’t sound really helpful. We should keep it in mind but rely on what is locally available," Qui voiced what Maul’s features told . A strange couple of opposing brothers in Force.

"Locally available!" The Sith snorted in frustration, and the tea-pot shattered on the floor. I swore, Sue merely winced and lowered her glance in sadness and pity. I could understand her – I certainly did sympathize with the boys. I shifted to sit beside Maul on the bench, took his hand and hesitantly rubbed my cheek against his shoulder. Her stared motionlessly into thin air before him yet did not push me away.

Qui-Gon was also silent, staring into his cup of tea. My mouth-watering mirages had been meant for the Sith, but they had hit the Jedi too. Allah seemed to hold me in especially high esteem these days, because he sent me trials. I hoped he would not forget to send solutions too.

Qui's eyes were soft when he finally looked at the Zabrak. "Do or do not," he said in a low voice, but with great strength. "We will start tomorrow."

"The repairs will be a real Tusken job," Maul muttered between gritted teeth. "Slow and toilsome, you know, Jedi."

"Well, then we'll be Tuskens," Qui said in cheerful acceptance. "And look at the bright side of it: we’re on vacation. The longer, the merrier. Use well the time that you've been given." With that, he rose, patted my shoulder, took his cup and left. Sue followed him. Maul still didn't stir, but when I moved to free his hand, he grabbed my fingers and wouldn't let me go.  
  


**End of chapter six.**

**What will happen next?**

"Nuts! You know what time it is? It’s two a.m.!" — "That's the fun! Are you game, boys?"


	7. Chapter Sex - oops, sorry, it is chapter seven, just seven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. The whole story may be meant for entertainment, but never, nowhere do we intend blasphemy.

**Sue’s Lakeside: Sue’s POV**  
  


The repairs of the Infiltrator progressed slowly but surely, and we trusted the boys enough now to know that they would return to us in one piece, so we developed the romantic habit of letting them go to work by themselves before dawn and waiting for their return after dusk, with supper ready and our noses pressed against the window.

And, of course, we just couldn't let them get used to our romantic side, so we had them move pieces of furniture (which was my idea, basically) or make small repairs in the house (which pleased Mary to no end), because we found things needed improvement now that there were more of us — and now that there was male muscle power available for free.

It was then that I actually noticed the boyz had begun to talk to each other, aside from laying out the repair plans for the Infiltrator. Cautiously, and often with a touch of patronizing and irony (Qui-Gon) or derision and contempt (Maul), but their show of mutual disdain and rivalry was gradually evolving into a mere game.

Of course, they weren't always working. After all, it was their vacation too. And those were the best days. We enjoyed ourselves immensely. When the boyz weren't too tired, they had taken to practicing, while Mary and I lay on the lawn, purring with pleasure at the beauty of the sight. We rummaged the attic, searching for interesting things, wondering what purpose all those old items may have had in the past. In the evening we sat by the computer, surfing for funny stories, beautiful stories, romantic stories — and the boyz teased each other, looking very pleased with themselves when they thought they looked good, and inserting their comments about their veracity. We teased them endlessly and got back more than our fair share. We learned Jedi-cooking and Sith-cooking — the latter consisted of various interesting and mostly spicy ways of preparing meat under adverse circumstances, while Jedi cuisine seemed to be more diverse. We survived philosophical arguments and lectures on history and ethics and on the role of apple vinegar in the development of repulsor-based transport, as well as one half-hearted fight. We sat by the fire in warm nights, with sausages sizzling over glowing embers and gnats pestering us. Once, very late at night, when Maul could move about without being seen, we went swinging to the neighbour’s garden. We tried to answer the boyz' endless questions about our world and discovered how awfully little we actually knew about it when we tried to explain things to them.

*****

It was another of our long nights by the fire, with schaschlik (alas! it was finished too soon — thanks to Maul, of course) and beer. The night was beautiful, and although all sensible conversation had died down a while ago, somehow we all felt reluctant to go to bed.

"I’ve an idea," I said, "Let’s go swimming!"

Mary shook her head: "Nuts! You know what time it is? It’s two a.m.!"

"That’s the fun," I said. "Boys, are you game?"

Maul's golden eyes burned with enthusiasm and he sprang up at once. The tall Jedi also rose to his feet.

"I’ve got no swimsuit," Mary protested.

I winked to her: "Don’t tell da boyz!" and then whispered, "I bet they don’t either!"

Mary sent me an evil grin.

Maul’s toothy grin was more... ambiguous.

*****

The lakeside was quiet and deserted. Fog drifted over the water; not a bird was heard.

In an instant Maul was out of his clothes and splashed in. I followed suit.

The water was warm — considerably warmer than the cool fresh night air. It felt like soup. My, was it pleasant! Much more fun than during daytime. Had I known it was so much fun I would have gladly forsaken every night’s sleep this summer, just to come here to swim.

I let the water carry my body some distance away and watched, shamelessly, as Mary stepped into the water. With the haze around her, the sloshing of waves in the reeds, and the quiet, it was like a picture of the Creation.

"Qui, are you coming?" I asked. In this sacred scenery my voice sounded like a blasphemy.

Suddenly there were arms all around me, pulling me down. I shrieked, splashed with water, and all the magic was gone, replaced by... um... sheer fun. "Help!" I cried. Laughing, Mary waded to us; then suddenly I was released, Maul emerged from the water and fell over Mary and I was the one who had to save her, and an overall water-war ensued. Even the two of us were not really a match for Maul. Try as we might, we couldn’t sweep him from his feet.

Suddenly he disappeared under water. There was some commotion and kicking, and we quickly moved out of the way, laughing.

The boys’ heads appeared on the surface some distance away. Qui-Gon pushed strands of hair away from his face.

I floated in the water, listening to the slosh-slosh-splash-splash my feet made. Qui-Gon showed some techniques to Mary — I watched how he demonstrated life-saving, holding Mary. Maul did some flashy dives and we tried to tickle his soles, but he always disappeared just as we reached out our hands. Someone had planted a huge tractor tire in the water, so that only its upper end showed, and for a long time we played around it, climbing up and pushing each other down. Then I just stood in this soup, enjoying myself. Warm water up to my chest, moist foggy air in my lungs, and gorgeous bodies all around. What more could I wish for?

Oh, I knew what to wish for — an arm around my waist, a chest to lean my head on, a pair of hands...

I saw Maul and Mary some distance away, talking about something. Maul grinned smugly. Qui-Gon was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly I felt the usual end of all beautiful moments — deep sadness and regret. And jealousy. And loneliness. Then defiance rose its head. "No way," I thought, feeling somewhat deserted. "I won’t make a fool of myself."

I splashed out of water and put on my clothes, not even bothering to dry myself first.

Alone, I walked towards our house. It was past three o’clock, it was getting lighter already, and the first birds uttered their sleepy greetings.  
  


**Aphrodisiac, or Mary’s Lakeside: Mary’s POV**  
  


Ack, Sue and her ideas! Sometimes they surprise even me. Well, to be honest, these surprises are for the most part nice things. Like this one. To swim around after midnight naked!

Heavens, it was fun! And it should become even more fun if I could manage a tete-a-tete with my cute striped shadow, I hoped. He helped me — unconsciously — out.

"Mary, I can understand the fascination that is felt for me or perhaps --" here he grinned smugly, "for this longhaired Jedi. But what I definitely cannot buy, is the seriousness of interest in every unimportant character with only a few minutes of screen appearance."

"You refer to my _faible_ for your master?"

"My master is not unimportant."

"That’s what I believe too." I couldn’t hide a delightful smile, although it would prove my calm voice false. The sore spot. A sweet one too, by the way. Let’s see how much pain I can add.

"Very well." He took a deep breath. "Have you ever dreamed about meeting him personally?"

While we were talking, we had nearly crossed the whole lake swimming and arrived now at a corner where some erratic blocks lay in the water. We made ourselves comfortable, leaning against these blocks while resting in the shallow warm water. I took care to keep some distance from my golden-eyed counterpart — just sufficient to feel the presence of his body. We won’t make it too easy, ne?

"Do you know, Maul, this corner of the little lake I like especially. It is so beautiful... oh, well..."

"My question, Mary." He persisted.

"Why? Did you notice that Sue left? Was she upset? Maybe we should go after her."

"If so, Jinn will care for her." Maul’s voice was plain and calm as the lake’s surface had been in the glimpse of a moment after Sue and I had stopped our water battle and waited for the boyz to emerge from their private fight.

"I did not hear him leave..." Do I sense a bit annoyance? Time for the next level of torturing! "Okay, okay. I see. You’re referring to the contradiction between my outspoken interest and the lack of personal fantasies concerning him in my _oeuvres _as well as my habit of not participating in What-If-I-Met-Him discussions on message boards or elsewhere. However, if his apprentice wishes to challenge my imagination..." I folded my features into standard politeness, similar to the one he wore. "Okay! Lets suppose it happens to me — for some reason only Yoda knows — that I appear before your — beloved — master. It would be in his private suite, granted?"__

"Sure." Maul sat a bit more upright.

"We’re alone? Only he and I?"

"Yes." Maul's eyes shone in interest.

"Very well, that leaves us with three possibilities."

"Exactly. Three possibilities."

Maul's voice seemed a bit husky, didn’t it? "And it is not important whether he is just senator or emperor?"

"This would make no difference."

Definitely. He breathed harder. I started: "Well, if he and I should meet as Darth Sidious and Mary, he’d likely scan my mind, take what is of use, and then reduce me to ashes with one look from his eyes — may they be blue or golden."

"Blue or... golden," echoed Maul. "Likely."

Gotcha, no doubt. I continued: "If he and I met as officials — perhaps senator Palpatine — and Mary," I smiled, "he’d probably cry out for the guards to throw me out. I would immediately find myself standing in front of an official building in the streets of Coruscant — scratching my head, pondering how to come home to Earth. If not locked in an interrogation cell." (Maul nodded his agreement.) "Hmm, on second thought, I must say, I’d like it more if he were emperor. I mean, then he’d have these nice red-clad guards..." (Maul puffed up with pride at the mention of the success and glory of the Sith). "On the other hand, I must admit, I like the helmet of the blue ones too..."

"And the third possibility?"

Maul's attention was truly palpable. I took a breath for the grand finale: "Mary meets the MAN Palpatine — or Sidious, if you like. At first he would be disgusted by my appearance. Then he would think, after proper washing I might look quite handsome. He would — be aware, it’s just fantasy — order to deliver me into his private indoor thermal spa."

"I am aware." Maul inserted, running a tongue over his suddenly dry lips.

At this point I let my imagination run wild. "And — maybe — he would personally lend a hand in my cleaning." A dramatic pause. "I descend into the wide pool... no, wait... I am leaning against the wall of the pool — my arms resting on its neatly mosaic-covered edge, to support me and hold me floating, hovering.

"Then your master appears. With his inborn dignity he descends the splendid stairs step by step into the water." I bent to my alertly listening Sith Lord as if sharing a special secret with him. "For this occasion it would be better if I were short-sighted. Then I could curse my fate not to see him clearly until he approaches me. So I would miss a great deal.

"Anyway," I continued, "Your master wouldn't come to meet me. He would stop perhaps in the middle of the pool to demand: 'Let go of the wall.' At the most, his politeness would extend to reaching out a hand to guide me... into his embrace. And what an embrace." A second dramatic pause.

"So tight. Uh, so tight, my lungs are squeezed. And his mouth locks onto mine in a French kiss. He is not greedy, no, no! He does his work slowly, as if the kisses should last for eternities. I cannot free myself from him. Not even as he loosens his embrace and lets his hands slide down my back — not simply slide, I should say— the grip is firm, appropriate for a massage...

"He grabs fiercely my buttocks and presses and rubs my whole body against his. He’s still exploring my mouth. I try to respond. He allows me to. I manage to free an arm, a hand. To catch his penis, which must be hard, is hard indeed. He refuses. I run my right knee very slowly up along the outer side of his left thigh. The hair on his skin tickles me. As I pass his hip, I continue my movement, wrapping my leg around his bottom — as if he was a tree and I would climb him. He takes the invitation... or do I guide him through between his hip and my thigh?

"Anyway, his hand is in my fur, examining, searching. He finds the cleft, tracing it with his fingertip. Parting it eventually with two fingers, first the outer lips, then the inner. Again examining, searching. Until he finds his target, the fleshy pearl, the clit. Why do his caresses make me wish to flee and at the same moment wish he would come in? Anyway, he does as I wish, almost. Inserts one finger, two, three... more. And does even more, leaves my vagina to insert his fingers into my anus. I feel the urge to press myself against his forearm. Riding on it, my clit rubbing against his skin, a plea: Why don’t you come in? I would penetrate you if I could. Why are you separated from me?"

I lifted a hand out of the warm water into the fresh nightly air. "The moment your master penetrates me eventually, we both shiver from a sudden flash of ice, running through our veins. We're no longer separated." I must admit, I had no clue what was the meaning of Maul's recent grimace. "Suddenly it feels like we're in the eye of a hurricane. The water, the room, everything is revolving around us high speed. By the way, have you ever had this feeling of recognizing the whole web of blood vessels and nerves in your partner’s body?"

"Stop this romantic crap!" Maul growled, snatched my left leg, pulled and turned me. Maul aroused? Aroused — this word could hardly describe the mood of my lover. Damn, he was a beast! He mounted me from behind, in fact, rammed himself into me, his hips hammering a fast rhythm on my buttocks. The first time in my life I was wishing the guy would come early, just to prevent me from getting drowned. Well, I must admit from the very beginning his hands supported my body, holding me above the water’s surface, and for all his forcefulness he was not unrewarding. Easily we were beyond any limit, crying out our lust into the peaceful briar patches.

Finally, exhausted, we let the warm waves caress our still entangled bodies. The Sith Lord deemed me worthy to be the recipient of another of his skills, gathering me in his arms for a gentle afterplay. It was no act of shame or regret, just paying playful and tender attention to my fingers, hands, arms, neck, back, breasts, sides, belly, thighs... I loved it and responded with letting my fingertips trace every visible line of the pattern on his skin. As I extended my excursion on his head, circling his horns, Maul closed his eyes. In the way he opened his mouth slightly and took a deep breath, I read a wish for more. Now it was definitely my turn again.

"You like this, don’t you?" I changed from massaging mode to sucking mode.

"Yesss." Maul hissed in rapture. "That's a detail you and... ahh... go ahead... your friends in the internet aren't ... wrong about... Mary!... more please... although it isn't laid down by Mr. Lucas..." He _almost_ managed a chuckle and then his voice faded into a soft moan.

Continuing my caresses again only with my fingers, I stated, "But your master seemed to be a nice aphrodisiac too."

"Mmh…Not a word about my master."

"Hmmm." My fingers continued their dance along the swirling lines of red and black. I stopped on his soft lower lip, where the red marks looked like blood gushing out of his mouth, before returning to the narrow red rings of slightly raised soft skin surrounding his horns. "I just wanted to ask about you tattoos. Did he create them? Was it painful?"

"No more painful than that —" Before I could hinder him, Maul bit heartily into my right breast and said then: "This is the natural colour of my skin, Mary. Nothing tattooed."

"Natural like your horns." I interrupted tickling the sensitive base of his horns and let my hand slide down over his well build chest and flat belly with the trace of the heavy injury — to find him hard again. Carefully I removed his caressing hand from between my thighs and impaled myself. Slowly. Very well, you have a flexible pelvis, I know, but now I’ll show you mine.

It was a wonderful timeless game. Probably we didn’t understand half of the tender words we exchanged in our native languages. And this half was too choked by kisses. However, in every touch with a single finger there was more understanding than in whatever words we might have said.

Later I came back to my trashy fantasy: "I owe you the rest of the encounter between your master and me." Maul seemed about to protest, but I continued. "After the climax, when the rotation has come to an end — I still a bit dazed, leaning against his chest, his arms very tight around me — I hear your master’s voice in an indescribable mixture of forceful domination and cheerful amazement, saying, ‘After I’ve patted you dry, I’ll bring you to my bed.’ I must grin, my face still hidden on his chest."

"Finished. Good. Keep it that way," he replied, satisfied. I wondered just how much he had been disturbed by my fantasies, and why. What exactly was his relationship with his master? "And I hope we’ll find Sue and Jinn in bed too, when we arrive," my horn-crowned lover added.

I was back on earth. "You’re right. I’d feel guilty in a way, if that weren't the case."  
  


**When The Jedi Act Crazy: Sue’s POV**  
  


I was nearly at the gate when I was overtaken by Qui-Gon. "Hello there," he said and gave me an easy, reassuring smile. As we passed our fireplace in the yard, he picked up a couple of beers that were still lying about among the remnants of our barbecue. "Will you join me, Sue?" Placing a hand on my back, he guided me to the glass veranda and planted me on a bench.

"Going to swim was a marvelous idea," he said, opening a bottle, then handing it to me. "I’ve never did anything so carefree, so... crazy. I must admit that I enjoyed it."

"The Jedi aren’t supposed to act crazy," I said.

"True." And an arm was wrapped around my shoulders. "In this sense our young Sith seems to have an advantage."

I remembered Mary and Maul's voices and easy laugh. I smiled. "You aren't jealous by any chance, are you, Jedi?"

"Me?" A pair of most innocent blue eyes met mine. "Force, no!" Then he gave me one of those lovely crooked smiles of his. We took turns at the beer, until suddenly his mouth descended onto mine. He brushed lightly over my lips, his beard tickling my cheek. Then he pulled back for a moment, watching my reaction.

"Beautiful," he whispered, and kissed me again. I opened my lips almost automatically, and suddenly his tongue was in my mouth, teasing, exploring. When he pulled away, I was almost disappointed. I leaned my head against his shoulder. A bird chirped in the lilac bushes behind the house.

"It’s too late to go to bed now, don’t you think? Or rather, too early." He pulled me close and I rested my cheek against his body. His bare body. He hadn't bothered to put on his tunics after swimming. I drank in the smell of him – male musk, mixed very attractively with the scents of the lake – water, algae, foggy morning. My eyes fluttered shut. This was paradise.

He took my hand and lifted it, kissing every finger, then pressing his lips to the palm. I let my fingers roam in his beard.

"Your hands, Sue," he said, then pressed another kiss in my palm. "Your beautiful hands. They are so good. They work magic. You don't know how good your massages felt." I felt his lips move against my skin when he spoke. When I turned up to look at his face, there was a glint of humour in his eyes. "I hear that would be another thing which I and the Sith would agree upon."

"Oh. I probably should have acted on it." I didn't bother to change my comfortable position. Sleep was threatening to overpower me. His hands caressed me through the soft fabric of my tunic. I felt my nipples harden.

"You feel so good." He brushed hair away from my face and caressed my cheek, smiling.

"Mm-hmm. I think I’m gonna sleep," I mumbled. "I’m gonna sleep for a long time."

Then I pushed myself away from him and rose to go.

He took my hand, pulled me back to his lap and asked silently, looking at me with his blue eyes: "Will you share your bed with me tonight?"

A wave of heat rushed through me. I hid my face on his shoulder. "If it pleases you."

He chuckled, running his fingers through my hair. "Oh yes. I think it pleases me very much."  
  


**Eye for Eye, Tooth for Tooth: Mary’s POV**  
  


When we returned, it was light already. I thought I should be worried that some early riser could see Maul, but I was too happy to let myself be concerned. We held hands as we walked, and the knowledge that Maul was naked under his cloak — he carried his clothes in a bundle in his other hand — made me tingle. He scowled at me and made a deep growling sound. I growled back. He growled again. I laughed. Then we kissed once again. And again after a few moments. Who could tell how many kissing stops we had to make? I vaguely felt that the way home had never been longer, and yet it was too soon that we found ourselves at the gates.

"You know what," Maul said, closing the gate, "I’m gonna take you with me when I leave."

"What will your master say," I teased.

"Oh, shut up."

On the veranda I almost tripped over an empty beer bottle. I cursed everybody who drank beer and failed to clean up afterwards, earning an amused chuckle from Maul. The yard was still littered from the night before.

We heard voices and soft laughter from the next room. "Sue, you still awake?" I shouted and peeped in. Two heads disappeared under the blanket.

"Ooops. Sorry..." I retired politely. Maul, however, was in the mood for action. He pushed past me, refusing to let me close the door.

"Jinn!" he shouted to the pile of blankets.

There was no reaction at first.

"Jinn, come out. I know you’re here."

A clearly irritated Jedi head appeared. "What?"

Maul smirked and cocked his head — after all he had managed to shake Qui’s perpetual calm. "Perhaps you could use a 'Do Not Disturb' sign?"

For a moment the Jedi stared at him in confusion, then remembered the way he had walked in the other couple. "Force!" he groaned. "And you need to fly in here like this to tell me that?!? Go! Vanish! Get lost!" And shouted, mind you, shouted, as Maul turned to leave: "And close the door! From the other side."

I heard Sue giggle: "You’re out of control, Qui."

On the way into Maul’s room I came to the conclusion that Qui-Gon would probably now show my dear Sue what it feels like to have an out-of-control Jedi in your bed. I grinned.

Maul stopped by the working table where some intricate parts and schemes were laid out. "May old Bane fuck that Jinn," he grumbled. "He should never have touched the Infiltrator. It’s a wonder he managed to land in one piece. But what else can you expect from a Jedi." And he sat on the edge of his bed.

"That bad?" I reached out and scratched one of his horns.

"Worse," he agreed, shamelessly leaning into my touch.

I jumped on his lap, straddling him, threw arms around his neck and pushed him down to his back. "But you're good," I purred, "and not only with ships."

He put hands on my hips and I wiggled. He growled.

"Wanna put me to test?" he said, pushing my robe down over my shoulders. Then he rolled over, so that now I was under him, lying on my back, and he kneeled between my legs. "Do you have some other fantasies? About me perhaps?"

"About you? Only pure, naked reality," I said, getting his buttocks into a firm grip to direct him to where I thought his reality would match nicely.

"Oh, Mary. Will you scream again like you did in the lake...?"

I smiled slyly. "Only if you roar like you did. Or do you mind the Jedi knight next door hearing you?"

"Jedi knight?" Maul laughed. "Just how low do you think I can go?"

*****

The following breakfast — lunch actually — was definitely an interesting affair. I watched the boys and winked to Sue. We shared a secret smile, thinking the same thing: both men seemed to feel like alpha males, very pleased with themselves, as they overlooked their pride of females. Maul was his usual smug self, Qui-Gon’s Jedi serenity was replaced by something that looked more like ease — another kind of smugness.

"You seem too happy for your own good," Maul taunted the other man over his glass of water — he still hadn't learned to appreciate coffee. "Beware! Passion is the path to the Dark Side!"

Qui-Gon rolled his broad shoulders. "When I have you before my eyes here all the time, I certainly needn’t worry about the Dark Side."

"By the way," I asked, "How is your today’s work schedule?"

The Jedi looked at the Sith.

"Well," Maul scratched his head, "it is late. Even if we leave immediately, we’ll have barely three hours of daylight for the work." He looked back at the Jedi questioningly.

"We could sleep there and start working tomorrow with the first light — if you _really_ think we should make up for the time lost today." Qui-Gon shrugged unintentionally.

Maul snorted. "What a practical idea, Jinn," he said not very enthusiastically.

I could hardly bit back a laugh — oh, these dutiful knights! Neither of them dared to be the first to speak the word of salvation: the ship could wait. Sue sent me a broad smile of understanding and said, "If you ask me, I wouldn’t let you go."

I also gave my share to push the thing in the right direction: "You’re behind with my martial arts training, Maul." In response, my lover's eyes gleamed in pleasant anticipation.

"I am sure you also have a task for me, Sue," Qui-Gon smiled and laid his hand on Sue’s. Ah, the ever-perceptive Jedi Master.  
  


**End of chapter seven.**

**What will happen next?**

Darth Maul stood, leaning casually against the frame of the backroom door, his well-muscled biceps and strong forearms crossed over a mighty, bare red and black chest. The unblinking stare of his yellow eyes was a wordless declaration of war. The man sitting on the sofa didn’t move. A rabbit incarnate, watching his approaching doom, the snake.


	8. concerning serious issues, such as jealousy, code questions and special Jedi-arts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: The name of God the Great and Gracious is used more than once in this story. The whole story may be meant for entertainment, but never, nowhere do we intend blasphemy.

**Our zoo gets an upgrade – the pig morphs into a rabbit: Mary’s POV**   
  


Now it was becoming a real vacation: we shared a thousand precious moments with our lovers. Amazingly the ship’s repairs didn’t suffer from that. Maybe it was a result of the lessening tension between the Sith and the Jedi. It was increasingly rarely that one of them drove their playful competition in a nasty direction (um, normally my cute stripe-face was responsible for such actions). However, the successful repairs had their negative aspects. Already the boys were complaining of the shortage of suitable tools, and the day was now imminent when the ship would be stripped of items that it could do without and all materials thus gained would be recycled. To put this deadline off as far as possible, Sue had suggested borrowing whatever was necessary from the neighbours. So, from time to time — like, for example, at the moment — Sue went on a begging tour, accompanied by the tall Jedi beast of burden. We also scrapped the escape pod for parts, but as it had suffered greatly, and did not have much that was compatible with the Infiltrator to begin with, the spoils from that particular raid were nothing to speak of.

Maul and I were left at home — he, as always, glued to the computer screen, wreaking havoc on a plate of apples (crunchy! juicy! delicious!), I submerged in the difficult task of figuring out how to iron his baggy trousers.

"Mm-ruh? Hut duh 'bht-tra...po...all-ybtic' hnnn?"

"Hmm?" I didn’t lift my head, deeply immersed in my work, which was already well underway towards complete success. "What?"

Maul finished with his mouthful of apple and repeated much more clearly: "Postapocalyptic. What does it mean?"

"Ah. That's what remains of a scenery after a Sith on warpath has passed through."

"Oh. Right" Maul sank his teeth into the next apple with a mouth-watering crunch and thought for a moment. "But then you might as well drop the 'post' part. I haven't finished with you yet."

I cocked an eyebrow. Finished what? He threw me a stop-playing-the-innocent glance. I made him a face. He growled back. I laughed...

Maul’s keen senses had alerted him much earlier than I became aware of the sound of footsteps in our yard. We exchanged a gaze — I didn't have to nod in the direction of the backroom door; Maul had vanished almost before the thought that he should hide was quite finished in my head.

Someone knocked on the door — well, a pretended knock it was, because the local constable let himself in without waiting for permission. Probably Qui’s mind-whammying Force spell had dissolved or the remonstrance of Gunnar’s elder sister had lost power — anyway, my almost-lover was back once again.

"Hi, Mary. Alone?" He looked around, skimming over some books and paper on the desk, peeping on the computer’s screen, finally plopping on the sofa. "Doesn’t seem so."

"Yeah." I continued my ironing work. "If you want to speak with Sue, you'll have to come back later."

"Um, no..." He rested his forearms heavily on his knees, folding and unfolding his hands in search for the right start, then sent me a tilted gaze. "You know, I am here for you."

I intensified my ironing work.

"Mary." He took a deep breath and put his hands firmly on his knees. "I have given you a long time to rethink your words. Almost a year. Well, those were harsh words. Still, I have been keeping an eye on Sue and you all the time to protect you and all that, although..."

"Although you were hurt," I finished his sentence. His self-righteous manner was so boringly predictable.

"Yes." Gunnar nodded, seemingly pleased at how fast I could catch up with his thoughts. An indication of how same-minded we must be. "I was. But it’s over now."

Congratulations, I thought, now we're through. But his next sentences showed me how utterly wrong I was.

"I must have been blind, Mary. You didn’t want to refuse me then. You wanted to test me. You don’t like the fainthearted." Satisfied with his deep understanding of the intricacies of female psychology, he chuckled. "I haven't been trying hard enough." Another chuckle. "And you like to play hard-to-get, don’t you? But now I've made up my mind — my sis convinced me to stay away from you for a while — not her worst idea, 'cause I could make my mind up. I must take better care of you, I discovered."

"How nice," I managed to insert into his monologue. So the piggy would appear even more frequently in my life?! That he had developed a philosophy about my preferences I marginally noticed as a ‘bonus’.

"Yes, isn’t it? I expected you would think so. And perhaps—" He watched the tips of his boots, clasping and unclasping his hands again nervously. "Perhaps you would like to come with me on vacation." He glanced up to me, begging, and then scrutinized again on his shoe-tips as he continued. "It will be only for two weeks. From next Monday on. A motorbike trip. Everything is prepared. I asked one of my mates for his bike. So you can ride mine. A two-week trip right through the country. With the bikes. Only you and me." Toward the end his voice faded out.

This left me speechless. I put the iron away. Not that there was any doubt his affection meant nothing for me. But how to deal with this... Only a short time ago I wouldn't have thought twice about giving Gunnar an advice to go into the bathroom to relieve himself, or a similar ultimate hint to leave me alone. But now... His offer, translated into my language, meant very much. I really did want to finish the thing in dignity for us both, but I had no idea how. Ah, the cursed influence of a peace-making Jedi in this house! I felt empathy, but didn’t know how to act on it. _Shaitan!_

Gunnar misinterpreted my silence as surprise and opened his lips to persuade me further, but nothing came out of his mouth. Suddenly I was aware that the air in the room had chilled. Even the light became a degree ‘colder’. I turned my head to find the reason for Gunnar’s mesmerization. I should have expected something like that. Darth Maul stood, leaning casually against the frame of the backroom door, his well-muscled biceps and strong forearms crossed over the mighty, bare red and black chest. The unblinking stare of his yellow eyes was a wordless declaration of war. I looked back at Gunnar. The man sitting on the sofa didn’t move. A rabbit incarnate, watching his approaching death, the snake. His wide opened eyes allowed me a glimpse right into his brain. Empty.

"...What is this...?" Gunnar breathed finally.

Painfully I searched for appropriate words or gestures to avoid the explosion, to unwind the tension. But obviously I had adopted Gunnar’s mindset — my brain was empty too.

Meanwhile, Maul strode over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. He bared his teeth in a threatening snarl.

Finally a dim idea what to do lit-up in my head. I muttered: "Oh, he's... my friend, the actor... you know?" and turned to Maul: "Wow! The optician has outdone himself with your new contact lenses. What a brilliant yellow!"

Maul scowled at me with some suspicion. Suddenly the spell was broken, the Sith had left the building, and I was standing between a jealous constable and a striped and obviously equally jealous ‘actor’.

"Don't you dare approach my woman," Maul hissed at who he thought was his rival, in his best blood-chilling tone.

"...The actor!" ached Gunnar. His face contorted in pain, and then anger. His glance traveled over Maul from his horns over his striped body to his boots. Not a single detail of the horned man's possessive gesture had missed the still wide-open eyes of the young constable. "So. You prefer to be fucked by a painted clown."

For a second my mind went through all body-parts of Gunnar that could be potential landing fields for my iron, but then I placed a calming hand on Maul's shoulder.

"Indeed." My voice, I'm proud to say, was colder than the ice caves of Hoth. "I really prefer to be fucked by this particular clown. Now, if you please, get out. You are not welcome here any more."

"You didn't seem to think this way last summer," Gunnar sneered.

Before I could even answer, Maul leaned toward him with an ominous scowl. "You!" his pronunciation made every single word fall like an stroking axe. "Go now, and maybe you'll live."

"Are you threatening me, actor?" Gunnar shifted his weight slightly, his right hand prepared to grab his service weapon.

"Yes! You as much as look at her again, and you're dead."

I was saved by the arrival of Qui-Gon and Sue during the last words.

"Oh, hi, Gunnar, how are you?" Sue chirped, smiling sweetly. "Want a cup of coffee?"

I stared. The guy is insulting me in my own house, and here comes Sue with her coffee talk! I could have murdered her with my glare.

"I have just been threatened, and I'm not gonna let it lie," the constable growled.

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean that, officer," Qui said quickly, with a nod of greeting and an almost casual wave of hand. "He's a funny guy, you see. A kind heart, but a murderous mouth. Let's forget it."

"...Forget it..."

Gunnar at least had the dignity to depart without further delay, refusing coffee, thank Allah or the Force or whatever. As the door closed behind him, Maul grabbed Jedi by the throat. "A funny guy?"

"Go get a cold shower," Qui-Gon rumbled. "If he walks out of here and comes back with reinforcements, what will you do then? You and your diplomacy." He shook himself free of the Sith. "Galaxy rulers indeed."

I shrugged. "I hope he won't come back any more, after this." Avoiding Maul's eyes I returned to my ironing. We were happily rid of Gunnar, but the only contribution I had made to our victory was that I had been the reason for the problem and had almost screwed it all up with my awkward attempt to play moderator in the argument between my... ahem, lovers.

However, Maul didn’t forgive or forget so easily. He took me in his arms and growled silently, while running his fingers through my short hair: "I should really hide you in a jewelry-box." Had he truly been afraid of losing me...?  
  


**Code Question: Sue's POV.**   
  


After supper I rose to clear the table and Mary helped me. Somewhat to my surprise Qui-Gon offered help, so I was very pleased to leave the dishwashing to him, for once getting the easy task of putting away clean dishes. Maul followed us into the kitchen and sat at the table, looking very pleased with himself and being a nuisance.

"Do all Jedi do women’s work?" he asked with the most innocent expression his fierce face could produce.

"We do what needs to be done," Qui-Gon answered calmly.

Then, in a mocking expression as if it had just occurred to him, Maul slapped his forehead. "But of course, how could I forget! You beggars can’t afford droids, and your code forbids you to have women to do it."

"The code," Mary caught the keyword that offered a comfortable change of subject. "Tell me, Qui, does it really forbid you to have any relationship with women?"

"Clearly not, Mary, I think you have seen it."

"Seen what?"

"I am having a relationship now. I wouldn’t, if the code forbade it. I am a Jedi, after all."

"A Jedi on vacation," Maul snickered.

"A Jedi on vacation is still a Jedi," Qui-Gon retorted in his smooth manner.

"So, Jedi, what does your code say about it?"

Qui-Gon appeared to consider. "Nothing, directly," he said finally. "Except that we serve the Republic and should avoid anything that would hinder our service. And also we should avoid anything that would consciously harm other beings — and that clearly includes hurting them. Which an irresponsible relationship would do. We also are very strongly discouraged to create any liabilities in our lives, which could in some situations compromise our neutrality and impartiality. I think this is mainly what the code says that can be associated with relationships and marriages."

"To avoid hurting others..." I mused as we finished work and moved back to the living room. "That is clearly a double-edged sword."

Qui-Gon agreed.

"So you don’t think that this affair with Sue isn’t irresponsible?" Maul asked. "You’ve let her support you, you even let her do little things that you Jedi beggars usually do for yourselves — you know, things like cooking, washing, all these women’s jobs, and at night you let her pleasure you, while all the time you’ve been planning to leave her? Doesn’t seem like a responsible relationship to me. It rather looks like you’re using her — and using Mary, too."

"Much to my shame, I am," Qui-Gon said — as calmly as ever.

"And yet you say you are still a Jedi," Maul argued. I giggled and saw it was time to come to my Jedi lover’s aid.

"I can explain it to you," I winked at the Sith and noticed from the corner of my eye how Qui-Gon’s eyebrows rose in surprise, "only if first you tell me what your Sith code says on these matters. Yeah, I know you’re having a relationship — a more original answer, please."

Maul looked at me with his dragon eyes of red and gold where the black pupils stood out startlingly. Now, apparently, it was his turn to consider the matter.

"Since you both know so much about us, you can make guesses, and I will say if you are right or wrong," he offered.

"Nah, who would believe a Sith," Mary teased.

"I will speak the truth," Maul said solemnly, with a dangerous edge in his voice: how dare we doubt his words!

"Very well," I started. "My first guess is, your most important thing is your goal to rule the galaxy and your loyalty to the master. These things cannot be compromised."

"True," Maul said. I thought I caught a flicker of surprise in his face, but I may have been mistaken.

"Your turn," I waved to Mary.

"Well...You can take your pleasure, insofar as it does not interfere with what Sue said?"

"True. Well, almost."

"Almost? Please elaborate, oh Sith on Vacation," Qui-Gon said. Well, well, I thought, our domestic Jedi can be as acid as anything.

"A master may require that his apprentice live in total celibacy, if he sees fit."

"Keeping the apprentice for himself," Mary guessed.

"No, when I say celibacy I mean celibacy. No masters, no women, no men, no animals, no nothing. No hand. Total celibacy. Even for dreams you get punished."

"Poor apprentices," I snickered. "Well, I guess that may go under ‘loyalty to master’ clause, if we expand it — ‘loyalty and obedience’."

"There is no such thing as ‘poor apprentices’," Maul defended himself.

"Oh yes," Mary interrupted, "it makes you stronger, blah, blah, blah. Everything for the greater glory of the Sith."

"It teaches control," Maul said quietly, but proudly.

"Your master demanded total celibacy from you?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I was celibate until 25." Maul’s tone was easy. Well, almost too easy.

"So", I tried to summarize, "he may demand it, but then, on other occasions, he may not. It all depends on the Master’s orders."

"Sith rule," Mary laughed, "The only rules are the master’s latest instructions." Qui-Gon laughed heartily at it and Maul threw him a nasty glance.

"You owe me an explanation," he shot then, turning to me.

"Oh my, you are relentless," I smirked at him. "Qui-Gon — will you support me? Will you stop me when my imagination runs too wild?" The Jedi nodded, watching me with some interest, no doubt wondering what I would say. "Well then — listen very carefully... (I noticed Mary grin.) First, the way Qui-Gon explained the code, in no absolute terms, it would mean that an accidental slip doesn’t automatically stop you from being a Jedi."

I looked at Qui-Gon for confirmation. He nodded.

"Second, I think that, doing what he must, or doing the will of the Force, a Jedi may someday find himself in a situation when observing the code is not the right thing to do. Moreover, a Jedi may also find himself in a situation where any choice he would make would cause some hurt or injure. That’s why I said it’s a double-edged sword."

Maul nodded.

"You have a deep understanding of the code," Qui-Gon said. "So do you, Mary. In fact, I admire your way of thinking."

"Also I believe in this instance Qui-Gon was following the code. I — we all actually, but mostly I — had put him in a situation where (I felt myself blush) — well, where I had been seriously offended if he hadn’t... err... said what he said."

I stopped. Maul still watched me expectantly. "Go on, make your point," he said.

Mary came to my aid. "I believe we are all adults," she said, "and fully capable of deciding for ourselves, which in fact excludes the possibility of letting ourselves be used by another. Which also goes for you, Maul. I don’t feel you are using me or taking advantage of me in any way. You may feel relief," she finished with a majestic dismissing hand-wave.

I giggled and saw Qui-Gon’s mouth twitch. Maul scowled. "I do not appreciate your attempts to laugh at me. Why would you have been offended, Sue?"

"Come on, Maul," Mary urged, "stop teasing her. You got your answer. I don’t know how it is in your world, but here it is considered less than tactful to press someone for personal details."

"No." Maul could be very obstinate. "She promised me an answer and I want it. No implications, no hidden meanings — I want you to say it all out."

"Hah! Playing master and apprentice, are you?" Playfully I tugged at one of his horns. "Okay, I will — someday. Perhaps." We all laughed.

Mary switched on the radio and sat behind the computer. Sweet night music flooded the darkening room. Swiftly, Maul moved to her side, saying, "Let’s read something."

"About you?" Mary looked at him, with a touch of irony padded with a good portion of tenderness in her eyes. She logged into our personal archive of favourite fictions.

"Anything. About me would do fine. How about something hot?" He lifted Mary, sat on her chair and placed her on his lap.  
  


**Sue continues her Jedi Training: Sue's POV**   
  


Qui-Gon stepped to me, nodding questioningly towards the door. I took his hand and followed.

"Come visit me," he said, leading me to the stairs. There he stopped, looked me in the eye and — suddenly lifted me into his arms.

"Qui! You don’t have to..."

"I want to. Let me."

So I wrapped my arms around his neck and nibbled his ear all the way up, until he put me down in his small attic chamber. He bent down to kiss my neck lightly and then let me go, caressing my back.

"So you think I only do my duty as a Jedi?" he asked teasingly.

"I don’t know what you do," I said. "You tell me."

He cocked his head and just looked at me, a smile in his eyes. Then his hand on my back found its way between my blouse and skirt, hot against my cool skin. I arched back and gasped. He laughed softly into my hair and bent down to kiss me — lightly on my lips, then more hungrily on my neck.

Miraculously, my blouse disappeared, and all other items of clothing followed one by one. His soft chuckle made me want to wrap myself all over him. "I’m stranded here with a beautiful woman and with very few things to worry about — if that’s what the duty of a Jedi is, then being a Jedi is pleasant indeed." And he latched on my breast, his hand simultaneously caressing the other one. I gasped, then pushed him slightly away to gain access to his belt buckle.

"You have too many clothes," I said, opening his belt and pulling away his tunics unceremoniously. He pulled me into another series of kisses, pressing me against his chest. I held onto his broad, strong shoulders, felt the tickle of his beard and occasional stray hair on my face, and his hardness against my belly. I let my hands roam over his back, until my thumbs hooked themselves into his waistband. He looked at me, with a thousand words, a thousand desires in his blue eyes, while I freed him from his last garments.

I let my eyes enjoy the sight of his bare body before me. I ran my hands over his gorgeous chest, belly... My eyes stopped on a barely visible light pink dot of a scar in the middle of it – the scar. I leaned forward to tease it with my tongue.

He did a Jedi double take, catching me in a deep kiss, lifted me then and carried me to the bed. There he straddled me, pressing slow, lazy kisses on my face, throat and shoulders. I enjoyed the weight of his body pressing me down onto the mattress. He eased my burden and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top. I kissed the corners of his mouth, his eyes, tried to trace his jaw line with my nose. I fluttered my lashes against his cheek, until he chuckled. Ah, didn’t he sense what I really desired...? Again I lay on my back. His sensible lips traced a line of kisses down from my chest over my belly... Oh, Qui, you wouldn’t... As his beard tickled the insides of my thighs while he kissed questioningly, I couldn’t resist and parted my knees wider. It was so wonderful and irresistible and oh what he could do to me! I hadn’t expected a Jedi master to be so masterful in these arts but he was — oh, he was...

After I had come down from my cloud of bliss, he settled down beside me, resting on an elbow, watching me, tracing a finger all over my body in intricate patterns. The window was open and cool night air bathed our bodies. It was gorgeous to lay naked in the arms of this beautiful Jedi. I knew he wasn't finished yet, and I wanted more, but we had the whole night, and we could afford a moment of sweet anticipation. We allowed our fire subside slightly, basking in the knowledge that it would arise again... soon... For the moment, just looking into his eyes and feeling his hand on my skin was enough.

Then I laid my hand on his chest and wrote all sorts of things on him with my finger, circling his nipples, then tickling him in the armpits, then writing again. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Maul’s not been easy on you," I said.

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers one by one. "He’s just a boy. I don’t let him disturb me."

I didn't miss the somewhat cute arroganza of the Jedi, calling the murderous Sith a 'boy'. It made me smile, as I let my fingers study the thickets of his beard. "He’s persistent."

"And I am imperturbable," he smiled. "I am a master, remember?" He ran his hand slightly over my ribs. "You’re not ticklish?"

"I am. But I just don’t show it."

He chuckled. "You have control, I see. And wisdom. A good combination. I wonder if I can drive you mad? If I can make you beg?"

"You can’t."

"We’ll see."

I closed my eyes, switched my brain into power-save mode and lay back to enjoy the night. His hands roamed freely over me, caressing my breasts, running over my belly, tickling the insides of my arms, teasing my thighs to part. And he kissed me. Oh, how he kissed me! A thousand kisses and each felt different. I kissed him back when he was in kissing range, but otherwise I didn’t move a fingertip. He moved me to get better access to my neck. When his hand traveled between my thighs, I opened slightly. My nipples were painfully hard, and my whole body covered in goosebumps. Every touch sent shivers down my spine. But I didn’t give in. When I opened my eyes, he was always staring straight into my face. I gave him a teasing smile, then drifted away again on the waves of pleasure. It must have lasted for hours.

He shifted a leg between my thighs, nibbling and sucking at my breast. I felt his erection rub against my hip. For a moment, my breathing stopped. He noticed it and chuckled softly. Then he moved my knees further apart and lay on top of me, his cock teasing me, his mouth on my throat, his hands pressing to my hips.

I couldn’t take it any longer. I opened myself to him and whispered, "Please! Please, Qui-Gon!"

He stopped kissing and pulled a very cocky face. "Please what?"

"I want you. Come in."

He buried his face in my neck and we both let out a simultaneous gasp when he entered, tentatively, teasingly. Just before I thought I would go mad, he slid deeper, and I let my hands travel to his hips and buttocks, trying to pull him even closer. I held him tightly, feeling his motions in the palms of my hands and inside, offering myself entirely to him. I felt I had to cry to resolve the tension. Qui paused, his bright eyes sending me a questioning look. I flung my legs tightly around him and let the movements of my hips tell him my wishes. With a sigh he rested his forehead against mine and joined my rhythm.

Afterwards we lay leisurely in each other’s arms.

"We can make a Jedi out of you yet," he chuckled, "if we practice diligently."  
  


**End of chapter eight.**

**What will happen next?**

"Mary... " I said, not taking my eyes off them. Simultaneously she said, "You know, Sue..."

We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Shall we?" I asked.

"Tonight?"


	9. which becomes a literally hot affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: This chapter contains foursome fun. If that squicks you, just skip it. Or read only the first section.

**Mo'-Money: Mary’s POV**  
  


When it became apparent that what they had was definitely not enough to replace the damaged parts of the ship, boys began to look for earthly materials to fill the gap. The first experiments were encouraging. But soon there was need for more material. As it was impossible to visit one of the Earth's spaceship launching sites to get what they needed, we began to look elsewhere. However, we found little. Sue and I searched the Internet, but some suppliers did only deliver in their home-countries, some were way too expensive, especially considering that the boys had no income whatsoever. Moreover, whatever we would have got would have required heavy modifications to fit into the alien spaceship. At last we retreated to the old wise word to take the things in your range. Besides, we had the nimble fingers and acute technological mind of the Sith to rely on.

A few raids to the town commerce to obtain the necessary parts and tools for the Infiltrator drained Sue's bank account completely and mine nearly so. Therefore, when food was becoming scarce in the house and the bill from the power company showed three times the usual numbers, Sue and I called a family meeting. We happened to be in the Infiltrator. Maul lay sprawled on the floor in a bundle of wires and tinkered at something. He said he could very well hear us from there, so I did not bother with him.

"Okay, boys," I said, after informing them of our current situation. "We've given you everything we have. Time to think about payback. Either from now on you'll do with what you have, or you find yourselves a job. Not that there is much you could do," I added.

"Sell your sabre crystals," Sue offered, grinning wickedly.

Maul's head appeared from the wires and he shifted his hand towards the sabre hilt on his belt. "That is not an option!" he snarled. Qui added, "I am sure there are alternatives."

"Like what?" For all they were worth, they could just as well have been some savages from deep uncivilised jungles. No documents, no certificate of education, no citizenship, no proof of previous jobs. "Paid assassins perhaps? I'd think employers in this field won't ask too many questions."

"Do they pay well enough?" came Maul's muffled voice, but Qui interrupted him sharply. "Neither is _that_ an option. I wont' allow you, young Sith. We cannot interfere too much in this world."

"Well then," I joked, "there is always the possibility of being gigolos, milking your hordes of fans..."

"Mmm-hmmm," Maul agreed happily in-between his tap-tap-tapping at whatever he was working.

"... Only we are not sure we would allow this," Sue finished smoothly. My, she had learned to imitate the Sith’s manner of giving words a menacing undertone well indeed!

Maul raised his head. "So what exactly do you want?"

Sue shrugged. "I want to eat, and I need to pay the bills, and I would also be moderately happy if I could offer you your favourite steaks. But we can't buy you a spaceship to tear apart. So you are on your own with your baby, I think."

Maul scowled thoughtfully, scratching his horns.

"I still have some amounts due for my last contract…" I mused. "But not enough."

Qui-Gon looked at the Sith pointedly. "Crystals," he said. "They could give us what we need. Maul, you could part the halves of your sabre and sacrifice one half."

"No!" Maul snarled.

"You would still have your weapon, and I do not doubt you could replace the crystals as soon as we get back."

"No! I will not," the Sith repeated.

"I wouldn't ask it, but I have nothing," the Jedi pleaded.

This was only the start of a long night during which we weighed various other options, argued, then apologised, and argued again. Finally we came to an agreement, and soon Sue produced a dead aunt among whose possessions she had ostensibly found some gem-stones. The day Qui-Gon and Sue went to the jeweller's shop, Maul sulked at home, staring motionlessly out of the window. It was as if he had given away a part of himself.

*****

In the following days the men were mostly away in the ship. Sometimes we accompanied the boys to the Infiltrator, took some food with us and spent the night in the ship, not to waste time walking. However, there were no sleeping places (Maul was used to sleeping on the floor) and I preferred the long walk, knowing that at the end of it was my own wide and comfortable bed.

On two occasions Qui-Gon and I went to town again to try to find some things that we needed, or actually, some things that would substitute for what we actually needed. It appeared that the computerised navigation systems were relatively compatible with some spare stuff from earth computers (a half month’s salary for an old computer that they could scavenge for parts). The landing strut and the wing folder were now also soon repaired, although the cost of it made me mutter and grumble. The power cells were still a problem — something was broken there, and they had to be detached and brought home for repairs and then reloaded. We had to borrow a wheelbarrow for them.

So the days passed. The short Nordic summer was drawing to an end, days were getting shorter and nights starrier. And with every passing day it became harder and harder to cope with the idea that the day would come when the boys would leave.  
  


**Paru, Vanya! Sue's POV**  
  


This time Mary and I stayed at home, because there was not much we could do for the ship. Again the boys planned to stay two or three days. However, they returned much earlier than promised. The next day we were making lunch in the kitchen. Mary stood with her back to the door that stood open because of the heat, when they appeared in the doorway, signalling me to be quiet. Maul quickly grabbed her behind her back and lifted her up, pressing a kiss to her neck. Mary shrieked with glee; then suddenly she cried out with pain: "Ouch! Damn you, Maul, mind your horns!" She had tried to rest her head on his shoulder, but unfortunately had made closer acquaintance with one of Maul’s horns. I laughed, until Qui-Gon stepped to me and wrapped me in his cloak.

Maul reached out and snipped a finger against my head. "Don’t worry, Sue, I like you too."

After we all had eaten, I sneaked up behind Qui. "You’ve worked hard," I said, nuzzling him briefly and then letting go. "Too bad, because I intend to use you"

"In what way?" he inquired.

"You could go light the sauna oven."

"Oh yes," Mary said, "That’s a good idea."

"Yess," Maul echoed. Then he wrapped one arm around Mary’s waist, the other around mine, and said, with a flourishing hand-wave, "Go, Jedi, go, and do as you’re told."

Shaking his head, Qui-Gon went out.

Mary shook a finger at Maul. "Not off the hook, you," she said. "You carry water. Here’s the bucket."

*****

I was sorting linen when the boys finished work. Mary popped her head in through the door. "What are you doing, providing bed linen for the whole village?"

"There _are_ four beds," I reminded her.

"And who’s the fool to wash all those things? You can put two sets back — we use only two beds anyway. Where are those bath towels?"

I muttered something about preferring a choice, but figured I could just as well make up another bed for myself when I was in the mood for such a choice, when we saw the boyz pass by our window. They were discussing something, then Qui-Gon stooped to pick up something from the ground and slowly stretched himself up again to his full height.

"He’s beautiful," Mary said.

I had been watching Maul all the while, the way his shoulders swayed when he moved, and how he threw his head back in a gesture that by now I knew meant ‘Stupid Jedi!’ in his body language. Well, his way of saying that with all due respect, he disagreed.

"Mary... " I said, not taking my eyes off them. Simultaneously she said, "You know, Sue..."

We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Shall we?" I asked.

"Tonight?"

"Tonight," I nodded. "You’re sure?"

She grinned wickedly.

*****

What made this house especially precious for me was the old sauna that squatted in the backyard, soot-covered and without a chimney, but with a wide platform where three people could lie comfortably. It had been built by my grandfather's grandfather; it had no plumbing, the "shower" was a rubber bag with some holes in it, but the feeling it gave you was unrivalled, and once the hottest days of summer were over, we took every advantage of the pleasures of sauna.

Usually the men were the first to go to sauna, but today they were sitting over a heavy detached piece of the ship’s huge power cells, so deep in their discussion that they hardly paid any attention to me. I scolded them for having stolen two bottles of beer — it had been reserved for after sauna — and decided that for all they cared, the sauna might be ready next week. So I just dumped their bath towels and some clean clothes we had procured for them onto their beds, saying we were off and would be back in an hour or one and a half.

The sauna was _good_. We sat on the platform, sweating as wafts of hot steam rose from the heating stones. The room was dimly lit, and through a tiny window we saw the green gold of willow leaves in sunset. I climbed down for another throw of water on the stones, when I thought I heard something from the clothing room. I poked my head out of the door — and sure enough, there they were — both boyz, taking off their clothes.

"Hello," Maul said. "We just thought we’d join you."

I looked over my shoulder at Mary. "Shall we let them?"

A shrug, then a grin. "Be careful, the ceiling’s low here," she shouted.

Maul swiftly threw three ladles of hot water onto the stones, whereupon we fled from the platform, and the Sith sneered triumphantly behind our backs.

Mary threw the horn-boy a dirty glance, as we gathered ourselves, waited a moment until we got used to the heat, then added yet some more steam and climbed back to the platform, gritting our teeth. After all, it was the boyz who were supposed to be greenhorns in this sauna business, not us. Mary scooted up to where Qui-Gon lay stretched out on the broad platform. She slapped the Jedi’s back, said casually, "Want a massage?" and deftly ran hands over his back, before she started kneading him slowly, earning a satisfied grunt from him. She pushed away his hair and rolled her hands on his shoulders, then rubbed with thumbs his neck, down the spine, and up again with circling motions... Qui-Gon sighed happily: "This is so good, Mary."

I watched their bodies, gleaming with sweat in the scant light that came in through the tiny window, and licked my lips. I saw Maul watching the pair in quiet rapture, his golden eyes gleaming — the rest of his dark figure almost melted into the blackness of the soot-stained walls and ceiling.

Mary had been kneeling beside Qui-Gon — now she moved to straddle his hips. I felt a hot wave wash over me and leaned down on my elbow. A hand was placed on the back of my neck. I turned my head and saw a pair of golden eyes watch me with open interest. Mary flicked her eyes on me and sent a small smile. I thought for a moment about what reaction to give, then simply turned back to watching the other couple, a clear message to Maul: go ahead if you wish.

He did. A thumb rubbed the back of my neck, then fingers travelled over my arm, ticking me in the elbow-pit and pushing over my breast in the passing. My nipples grew hard and I leaned closer to his touch. I heard a soft chuckle and Maul settled beside me. His hands ran all over my body and he bent to lick my nipples. I moaned.

Qui-Gon rose his head, as if wanting to interrupt, but Mary wouldn’t let him. Immediately, she grabbed the Jedi’s shoulder and made him turn on his back. She held his face with two hands, commanding his attention, and said, "Hush. Look at me. Only me." And like a hawk she descended on his lips. The last thing I saw was Qui’s hand snaking up Mary’s thigh, to press her hips to his. Then Maul’s striped face blotted out any other view.

I returned to my own reality: a pair of golden eyes looking at me, and a hand demanding access to between my thighs. He rubbed his nose against me, sniffing, licking, not really kissing, only brushing over my mouth with soft closed lips, until I could take it no longer. I grabbed his head and turned us, so that now he was more on his back. I wrapped my leg over him and, still holding his head by the horns, pressed my lips hard against his. I licked and sucked and bit, ravishing his mouth with my tongue. Maul, however, let me dominate only this far: he growled, flipped me once again on my back, so that now he found himself between my legs, his erection pressing against my belly as he moved. He paid me back everything I had done to his mouth and more, biting and sucking hungrily, his tongue suggesting what he would do soon in another area. I wrapped my arms all over his beautiful, strong striped body, trying to press him against me as hard as I could. He turned his head to leer triumphantly at the other pair.

"Look, Jedi, I will take today what’s yours."

I tried to take advantage of his momentary distraction, struggling to turn him over once again. "No way,” he gasped, locking my arms over my head with one hand. Then he pushed me further apart and for a moment I felt the tip of his cock stop at my entrance. "Come on!" I wiggled, to get him in. He pressed his palm on my mouth with a snarl, and I felt the glorious fullness of him entering. I whimpered into his palm. He laughed softly, not releasing me; he rocked against me slowly, locking my gaze in his hypnotic eyes, and muttered in time with his movements: _"Arzwayat hirad khoumane, hafaiza khouiyomane, radzad wahamana..."_ Then smiled again and changed his rhythm, ramming abruptly so that I squeaked. "You’re mine, woman. Mine!"

I struggled and finally managed to free my hands and mouth — or rather, he let me. I grabbed his horns and pulled his head down. "Dream on, Maul! I’m never yours!" I snarled. He latched on my shoulder, biting so that I winced, and lapped and sucked; I mentally said goodbye to all string tops for the next week or so. I felt my body rock against his, his cock driving into me, a tension building in me, but I didn’t want to give in. Not yet. I tugged his horns, rubbing the soft rings around their bases, then rocked his head, turning it to bite his ear, then sucked myself to his mouth. His eyes went half closed and he began to breathe quickly, almost moan. I took the hint, tugging and pushing and licking and biting his horns furiously, until I got what I wanted. He stopped suddenly, tensed all over; a small whimper escaped his lips, then his breathing stopped, his face froze in a wondering expression, his mouth forming a mute "Oh". He shuddered in my arms — and inside me. That pushed me over the edge, and for long seconds we shared this feeling of absolute beauty, oneness, our fight coming to a conclusion in a peace treaty. Finally, he could breathe again and fell over me with a groan of release, letting me take all his weight, his eyes closed in rapture.

I turned my head, as I suddenly became aware of two pairs of eyes watching us. "Wow," Mary whispered. Qui-Gon smiled; now it was he who turned Mary’s head and said, "Focus, Mary. Look at me."

I held Maul tight against me for a while, listening to the sounds of Qui and Mary’s lovemaking. Finally Maul stirred, pulled out and climbed down from the platform. I followed on shaky legs. I planted Maul on one of the benches near the door, where it was cooler, dragged a piece of cloth from the platform and spread it down at his feet to sit on. Young ones up on the platform were getting louder. We heard Mary’s gasp: "Oh! Qui!" followed by some muffled conversation. Maul watched their intertwined legs and his cock twitched, coming back to life. I watched him in fascination. I never remembered having seen this stage of a man’s arousal, usually in these moments I was... otherwise engaged.

I reached out a hand and touched the silky member, which in turn greeted me happily. Maul spread his knees and pulled my head closer demandingly, his once again awakened desire clear in his eyes. I closed my hand around his shaft and kissed the tip. He leaned his head against the wall and gave a small sigh of pleasure, which pleased me very much. I tasted him and played on him to the music of Qui-Gon and Mary’s gasps on the platform, intensifying my attentions as the other couple grew louder and approached their climax. Maul placed his hands on the back of my head and guided me; I almost felt as if his pleasure seeped into me through his fingertips and rolled down my shoulders and spine. In time with Mary’s pitched "Mmm... ahhhhh!" he pulled me closer, pushing himself deeper, as he came with a soft moan, and I milked him dry. Then he pulled me up, planted on his lap and kissed and licked, tasting himself in my mouth, until, completely sated, he pulled my head on his shoulder and just sat there, unusually quiet and thoughtful. On the platform Mary and Qui-Gon lay contented in each other’s embrace.

 _"Omne animal post coitum triste,"_ I thought. But it was a sweet kind of sadness, like soft autumn evening. Actually, I felt the uniqueness of the moment. It bound me to all three others, as if we all were one family. And this seemed good. I felt at peace and I felt the whole world at peace together with me. And the Sith was at peace with the Jedi, and the Jedi with the Sith.

After many, many minutes had passed, Qui-Gon stirred and Mary said, actually mumbled in a lazy voice: "Maul?"  
  


**How to ignite a Jedi: Mary’s POV**  
  


Sue and I lay on the platform. We just lay there like tired frogs. Engulfed in a nearly palpable heat, we looked out of the tiny window for a while, then closed our eyes to feel how the sweat oozed from all pores, purifying us of all negativities, and the blood circulated faster under the skin. At first it was a wet film covering our bodies, but soon the liquid washed down our flanks in streamlets. Considerations of possibilities and consequences of the exchange of our lovers we planned crossed through my idle mind and I was sure Sue followed a similar train of thoughts. As the temperature lowered, I agitated her to pour more water over the stones.

Obviously we were about to get visitors — Sue interrupted the water-pouring business and looked through the door into the clothing room. I heard the voice of my cute stripe-face: "Hello, we just thought we'd join you."

Sue asked me teasingly: "Shall we let them?"

I got her idea, had to grin and shrugged in studied casualness. Then I reminded the entering boyz to watch their heads — no need having the stripe-face bury his horns into the ceiling, and I was not so evil as to use our Jedi as a ceiling duster, regardless of what Sue might believe.

Maul immediately felt at home and poured three ladles of water onto the stones. Apparently the number of planets with desert climate outweighed the number of moderate air-conditioned planets, and Iridonia belonged to the former. Despite being seasoned veterans in the sauna branch, Sue and I had to beat the retreat. But not for long, then we rose our battle flags once again and marched back to the platform, where in the meantime the boyz had made themselves comfortable.

Sue and I understood each other without words — she seated herself nearer to Maul, while I turned my interest to Qui-Gon. He was stretched out, lying on his belly. The arms folded before him supported the head, he had turned to the wall.

I had seen — and touched — his naked body on several occasions. He was handsome. Not in the way the Sith was. Qui was tall, his muscles well developed, although not sharply defined like the muscles of Maul’s hairless body. They appeared softer, rather like a promise than plain truth. I didn’t know if this had to do with his age or the smooth and caring way of the Jedi. I kneeled beside him and offered a back-rub. Before he could voice his opinion, I began my work.

I was well aware of the silent audience my activities had — Sue and Maul. She was obviously amused, feeding her own arousal gradually with pictures of Qui and me in clinch. Maul’s demeanour showed interest. Burning interest.

The satisfied noises Qui made revealed his relaxation, as did the decreasing tension in his muscles. I shoved his hair aside — light golden and heavy like soaked flax — to gain access to his shoulders. His sigh "This is so good, Mary" I interpreted as an invitation to increase in intensity. I straddled him. I know Sue enjoyed seeing me in this position. I sent her a short smile. About Maul I was not entirely sure — but at least the Sith knew how to take care of himself. And Qui? He didn’t even flinch as my lower mouth descended on his sacral area. Perhaps the temperature of the sauna didn't let him discern the wet, hot kisses of my vagina. I worked on, letting my pelvis sway softly in rhythm with the massage.

As I could catch from the corner of my eyes, Maul had started to seek satisfaction for his own desires. It was a beautiful picture: Sue’s soft, white body leaning against Maul's muscular one, his hands roaming all over her, while his face with the bright golden eyes looked inquiringly over her shoulder how she would react. Sue liked it — and I agreed with her, it was highly likeable. I felt my nipples harden. Then Sue sank back, enough to allow Maul free way to her breasts. He licked and suckled, even squeezed them tenderly with his teeth. She made little noises of pleasure.

This moaning alerted the Jedi. He turned his head and lifted his body slightly, to find the reason for the sound of lust he knew very well. No, no! This time the gameboard is laid out between you and me, my sweet Jedi, I thought — never mind others involved in their own game. I took advantage of his shifted weight, turning him onto his back. Oh, I could feel it, the back-rub did fine! I fixed his face into my hands. "Hush. Look at me. Only me." Then I pressed my lips against his amazed mouth. Amazed yes, but not for long — he snatched my legs holding my lower body tightly against his hardness. A mute cry 'Please, let me in, Mary!'

"Not so my master. Not so." I had managed to detour his begging cock and looked down on him from the height of my stretched arms. "You’re not a beggar, my master. Demand."

In his eyes shone in disagreement. "Mary, don’t say so. I’m not your master."

To avoid the stare of the sapphire eyes, I bent my arms and lay down on his chest. "I’m tangled in your golden hair, my prince. You mustn’t say a word, just show me what you wish." My ear listened to the perpetual beat of his heart while the fingertips of my left hand outlined a complex but invisible pattern on his chest. Unintentionally Qui kept his palms in their place on my thighs. I heard Maul’s exultation — "Look, Jedi, I will take what’s yours." I grinned. Then a hand touched my shoulder, stopped there for a while, before it slowly, but unmistakably pushed me straight down.

I kept up the movement, holding my forearms firm on his skin. Tracing in this way the shape of his flanks, my head reached his navel. I enjoyed the reflexive shiver of the skin on his belly as I laved the pit with the tip of the tongue. I shivered too — a muffled whimper from Sue and Maul and a strange verse let me guess my striped Sith was now inside Sue. The thought — the mental image — made me hum. I slid further down, found place between his legs. Oh, his legs... long and well shaped. I interrupted to hug and kiss them.

Now I turned my interest to the item I was there for: convincing his member to come back from its retreat to full life. I could sense he was still hesitant to let the mind-blowing feelings seize him entirely. However, it needed a remarkably short while until this last barrier finally fell. My persuading skills proved successful before my mouth had become fully familiar with the whole three dimensions of his shaft and the balls: Qui let out a deep moan. He stirred to permit me as much free access as I desired. But as I tasted the first premature drop of semen he struggled himself free, lifted me up and trapped me in a strong embrace. I wriggled — there were interesting things to see, if my ears were not deceiving me! He understood what I wanted and with a tender chuckle he allowed me to turn. Now we both, lying on our sides, had free view of the other couple. Sue had gained control now, doing all those things to Maul’s horns which drove him inevitably mad. While watching them reaching the climax, I enjoyed the arousing feeling of Qui’s hand roaming over my body and his quickened breath in my neck. When I could, I caught one of his travelling hands, to kiss and nip at his fingers, flavoured with my sweat and saliva.

In the moment of the highest peak our lovebirds became motionless, fixed for a little moment of eternity in a complete unity. It looked so stunning and I felt Qui and I were integrated, in a way. As after collapsing Sue eventually glanced at us, I felt compelled to voice my approval. But obviously my fair-haired lover had taken the challenge now. "Focus, Mary," he demanded. "Look at me."

If I had believed the Light Side couldn't bear passion, the Jedi now opened my eyes. I had never seen this fire in Qui's gaze, I had never experienced his beard so scratchy, itchy, shredding my skin, I had never felt his grip so hard as if he would tear the flesh from my bones. But he got his share back. I bit him, sucked him, ploughed him, kneaded him — my arching body responding powerfully to every fierce turn in the treatment it received.

Captured in the battle of love, we rolled over and over on the sauna platform, wrapping ourselves nearly around each other. Until he got advantage and pushed me down on my back. I couldn't move, he had flipped my legs so that they fixed me on the ground. I was all open for him. What had I mused time ago about Sue and out-of-control Jedi masters...? Forcefully Qui entered. The blue flash from his eyes and the suddenness of having him so strong inside me made me gasp: "Oh! Qui!"

As soon as his passion drove him that far, it was kept in check. Qui released me from his relentless grip, took me in his arms and lifted me up. I sat astride in his lap now. "Mary, is this the violence you want? This can't be true."

I stroked over his long hair, removed a strand from his cheek and tried to delete with my thumb the worrying furrows on his forehead. "I want your fire. There is so much inside the controlled Jedi. You didn’t fear to lose your control with me. Could I wish more? And I learned that the passion of the light side has some heavy — or should I say large? — effects."

"Then consider your lesson just started, Mary, even if we should proceed softer now," Qui-Gon replied with a cheeky smile. Unexpected and incredibly cute from this serious man, it did only refresh my desire for him. I saw it mirrored in his eyes as I answered him by shifting my weight backwards, carefully balancing on one arm, so as not to lose the still established connection between us. Qui followed suit.

Once more we were engaged in each other. Smoother now, more carefully — however, as before, step by step we lost control. Our legs intertwined, our fingers clasped together, our moans and sighs grew faster and louder in rhythm to our rocking. I heard Qui gasping by my ear... I couldn't resist the demand for release any longer... I buried my teeth in a bunch of sweat-wet hair... The climax hit me like a summer hailstorm: tiny, fresh hailstones touching the body all over, and before getting really aware of the feeling, it is over. My high pitched cry was seconded by Qui's husky one as he came too. He rose his head, freed himself from my weak grip and rose to the full length of his arms to look at me. His face wore yet the painful grimace of realisation of the end of all interaction, as he confirmed our temporary oneness with two last powerful thrusts. Shivering from exhaustion, we took each other in a consoling embrace.

So we lay for a longer time motionless, until our racing pulse slowed down and our souls had become comfortable with the fact that once again we were individual persons. Eventually Qui rolled onto his side, perhaps to get a glance at the other couple. Which reminded me of something to ask. "Maul?"

"Mm." All the fire was gone and the Zabrak was too spent even to open his mouth.

I stirred to make him out. My searching eyes found Maul sitting on the bench near the door with Sue in his lap. Quiet yet happy, like Qui and I — so obviously in the meantime they had not been idle. Shaking off my sleepiness, I asked, "What did you say before in your language?"

"It’s... not easy to explain," Maul said in a low voice after thinking about my question. "Something like, ‘I have put my mark on it and given unto it of myself, so that I may have what comes of it.’ S’what my father said, I remember."

This drew Sue's attention. ”Oh my," she smirked, "a fertility spell. Speaking of which — do either of you have children?"

The boys did not answer immediately. Maul looked thoughtfully at the ceiling, or maybe through the ceiling at a point far on the horizon.

”Yes,” I heard the calm voice of Qui-Gon behind me. He was unperturbed again — yet a soft playfulness was left: tenderly kissing my neck, he helped himself to a good handful of my breasts. "Ah," I said, "interesting. Son or daughter? How old?"

"Son. Adult." Then, feeling more questions forthcoming, he added, "Actually I know very little of him. I have no connection with him or his mother. I doubt he even knows my name or that I am a Jedi. I only know that he exists."

I didn't know what to say at that, so I just turned and snuggled up to him. Silence covered the room. After a time, becoming aware that sleep would overcome me sooner or later, I stretched for a last kiss of the Jedi Master. Then I left the platform.

Sue rose too. "If nobody minds, we’ll shower first. You’ll find us in the kitchen afterwards." We earned a silent nod from the boyz. The last impression I got from the sauna was both men lying with closed eyes in complete relaxation.  
  


**End of chapter nine.**

>strong>What will happen next?

"Mary and I were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer, still wrapped in our bath towels, wearing little else, when the boyz finally entered...."


	10. where Qui becomes a happily married man and Mary discovers that sausages have ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: George Lucas owns da boys. We make no money and what little we do have is spent entirely on Qui-Gon’s music lessons.
> 
> Acknowledgement: Thankyousas to Nocturne for betaing this beast into submission!
> 
> Note: This chapter contains one (1) boy-kiss-boy scene, in the Sith Diplomacy section. The rest should be safe enough.

**After-sauna beer and stuff: Sue’s POV**   
  


Mary and I were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer, still wrapped in our bath towels, wearing little else, when the boyz finally entered. Qui-Gon sat down and stretched his long legs out comfortably with a sigh. "A pleasant invention, this sauna."

Maul looked at me weirdly. "What’s wrong with you, Sue?" he asked. He walked around me, viewing me from every possible angle and snickering. Everybody looked with curiosity from Maul to me. I checked myself all over but couldn’t detect anything amiss. Finally I grew uneasy.

"Would you tell me what’s wrong? Have I sprouted horns or something? Are yours infectious?"

"No — your hair," Maul said, fingering my locks with a wondering expression. "It’s… curved."

I laughed out loud. "Curly. That’s its nature. It gets curly with moisture."

"Be glad it’s Sue’s hair and not your horns," Mary said. Qui-Gon smirked into his beard.

Maul touched his horns tentatively, so that we all had to laugh. Just to imagine them curving into small ringlets!

"Here’s a comb for your horns, Maul," Mary handed him a bottle of beer, hooked her finger to one of his side horns and pulled him close to give a peck to his cheek. "I love them," she whispered to him.

"I don’t need a comb, I’m clean," Maul said gruffly, "Unlike Jinn here — hairy like a Wookiee, the whole house is full of his hair. Can’t really touch anything in this house that hasn’t his hair on it. How can you stand it?"

I sent Maul a sweet smile. "I was just wondering what manner of creature this might be — has horns, a something dangling between his hind legs, and just recently got milked…" I mused with my most innocent expression.

Mary burst out laughing. "That was cruel!" she finally choked out. I almost expected that Maul would strike me in rage, but he didn’t. To my most utter and absolute surprise, he mooed in a mocking voice; it was so un-Maul-like that it shocked me to embarrassed silence for several moments. A feat, that. Then he asked in a half-bitter, half-bored tone: "How come all the jokes in this house seem to be on me?"

"That’s easy," Qui-Gon remarked. "It’s because they always notice you. You figure so prominently in their minds. They vie for your attention."

"Ah." The Sith Lord nodded, satisfied.

I slipped my hand shamelessly into Qui-Gon’s tunic and caressed his chest, rubbing my nose against his beard. "My very own favourite Wookiee. Don’t think we care less about you."

"You most obviously won’t let me think that way," the Jedi rumbled, leaning comfortably into his chair. "Anyway," he continued then, "ladies, I think you'll have to un-Wookiee me. That is, if I may ask your help in this matter. I seem to have fastened my hair too carelessly while working, and — well — I just had to cut off part of it."

He reached up to remove the hair tie. Indeed, he was right. Ouch! I had not noticed it before, because he used to tie all his hair back in a ponytail, so it would not get in the way, and in the sauna it had simply been too dark. At least 10 centimetres had been cut off on one side, and what remained looked pretty shaggy. And it seemed that the only way was to cut it all short now. Mary was very disappointed, she loved his long hair. "You silly Jedi," she said, "a spaceship is not a haircutter, and a punk haircut is not compatible with your dignified Jedi style."

Finally it seemed that Qui-Gon had enough of our pulling his hair, he freed himself, turned and shooed us away. Maul, of course, was totally happy about Jinn's accident and snickered.

Mary sighed. "Okay. I could offer you the services of a hair stylist. Amateur, but excellent." A casual bow. "Me. But later, okay? Let's finish those beers and sandwiches," she reminded us of the after-sauna snack, while unconsciously rubbing her cheeks and chin, which appeared sore.

Maul watched that with a scowl, and studied the red patches on Mary. "You might also do something about your facial hair, Jinn. These hairs _scrape_! Just look at you, Mary, your face, your mouth – disgusting."

"Nope, I enjoy them. Eminently," Mary said with a smug expression. She leaned closer to Maul with a wicked grin and added in a stage whisper: "It’s his mark, testifying his passion, that for a moment I made him lose his blasted Jedi control! It’s a mark of my victory!"

That was something the Sith could understand and appreciate. He raised his brow in amusement.

"Most cultures would interpret such marking as a symbol of ownership," Qui-Gon said with a professor’s objective aloofness, except for a twinkle in his eyes. "That would be a signal for other males to keep away from you."

"Hmm. In that case," Maul mused, turning Mary in front of him, "perhaps I should leave my marks on you too, Mary, for… _other males to keep away._ " There was a definite look of mischief in his eyes. "How about — here." He bared a patch of skin over Mary’s right breast. "At least that will not ruin your pretty face that you like to do up in the mornings."

Qui furrowed his brow and stepped quickly up to Mary and taking her chin into his large hand to lift his face up towards him. "I've been most inconsiderate," he said. "I will remove these. Really, you won't want to show yourself to people like that." And he slid his fingertips over the bruises with a healing touch.

Mary shivered as if a cooling balm was spread on her skin, where his fingers had passed. The itch and heat seemed to be gone. "Force!" she said in wonderment. Yes, we witnessed that Qui-Gon used the Force to heal Maul from a much, much worse condition — but obviously to feel it on yourself was truly miraculous.

"Thank you, that was wonderful," she sighed and leaned across the table to reach another biscuit. Her knee brushed against Maul's. He stretched out his other leg, blocking her way, and before she could twist away from him, his hand snaked between the folds of the towel. Mary batted his hand away with mock anger. He gave her a naughty grin as she moved out of his reach to the cupboard and she wondered why had she ever batted him away. He obviously picked up this thought... and sat up, a predator's gleam in his eyes, waiting for his prey to come round to the table for a second time... This time he wouldn’t let the prey escape.

Qui-Gon turned to have a closer look at my shoulder. There was a not-so-good-looking red and blue patch where Maul had bit me. "You haven’t done much healing, have you, Maul," the Jedi remarked easily. "Want to learn?"

Curious, Maul stepped closer, but then, at the touch of Qui-Gon’s healing Force, turned away and retreated quickly.

"It’s okay, Maul," I said. "I know you’ve done your share – without it the hurt would be much deeper."

As Qui-Gon’s hand began its tender, deft strokes over my shoulder, I watched Mary move about in the kitchen gracefully like an Egyptian in her towel, until she fell into the trap and was caught into Maul’s embrace once again, his hand settling down on her hip. I leaned shamelessly into my Jedi and wondered idly whether Qui-Gon would use kisses and licks in his healing, when his lips suddenly descended on my shoulder. Did he really catch my thought? Or was he just distracted? Anyway. His hands slid down to my breasts.

"You still hungry?" I asked, stroking Qui's beard gently. I took his hands and kissed the palms softly — the hands that had healed me. The hands that had recently had the habit of neglecting his task to dispatch peace and justice in the galaxy, but had instead focused on giving me much pleasure.

I craned my neck and saw that only a pink spot of new skin remained on my shoulder. "You know, guys, being marked by you does have some pleasant sides," I remarked. "Some day I’ll demand a mark from each of you."

"Oh yes," Mary giggled. "That would be good. I have two sides too, one for each."

Maul narrowed his eyes and growled. "I might just take you on that."

Qui-Gon seemed to fall back into his serious-Jedi routine. He gathered me into his embrace and rested his chin on top of my head.

"Oo-kay, lovebirds," Mary said, grinning evilly, and stood up. "Time to say good-bye to your hair." She left for a moment and returned with a comb, a towel, and a pair of scissors as well as a whetstone, a razor, and a handful of clips. I positioned Qui on a stool in the middle of the kitchen, and Mary took the strategic position behind him, beginning to prepare him for the ceremony.

"Well, well," she smirked. "We're gonna give you a Padawan haircut now, Padawan Jinn."

"And you must obey your master Mary in all respects," I added.

"Yess!" Maul interjected happily.

"Or maybe you're just getting a married man's haircut," Mary laughed.

"How so? Do you have something like that here?"

"Oh, it's just…" Mary arranged a towel around Qui-Gon's neck. "Not here, but it is used in some places, often for women, sometimes for men or maybe both. For example, traditionally the Massai men wear long and elaborate hairdos until they get married, then they shave their heads or wear their hair very short. Then there were these ancient peoples belonging to the Chinese cultural sphere. Pre-married they wore braids perhaps, after that they put it up in knots." She gathered and slung Qui’s hair to a bunch on his head. "Like this. It only needs three chopsticks or a strap to keep it in place. No cutting, but you have all the comfort of short hair. How is this?" I shuddered. Mary sighed again and let the bunch go. "Lots of hair you have. That's not easy to cut." She fixed his hair into a ponytail and made the first cut.

"Anyway," I took over where she left off, while Mary parted the Jedi's lion-mane into single strands, clipped them up and released one after the other to trim it into the appropriate length, "there was this man called Samson whose strength was in his hair. You sure that's not the case with you, Qui? Because Samson lost it all when his love Delilah cut his hair."

"I didn't know hair could be that important," Maul remarked, slightly amazed.

"It's because you don't have it," I guessed. "But if you wish, we can clip your horns." I laughed at his dismay, then added after a pause: "My people also used to cut women's hair short upon marriage. It was to control them, I suppose. A clear mark. So unmistakable that also slaves got their heads shaved in ancient times."

Maul smirked. "So, Jedi, you'll be happily married, under tight control and supervision."

"Honestly," Qui-Gon spoke up, "I don't really think you should slight these matters."

I frowned. "What's bothering you? What happened in the sauna, or what's going on now?"

"Both, actually." Mary froze for a moment, then set down the scissors. I was shocked too. "I think it was wrong," the Jedi went on.

"You should have said so before," Mary said icily, barely containing her hurt and anger.

Puzzled, Qui-Gon turned to her. "Mary, dear, I didn't mean it that way!" But Mary was in no mood to listen; if anything, she got even more furious, grabbed the towel and swept the scissors off the table, but Qui-Gon caught them easily. "Didn't you. Thank you, you may cut your own hair."

"Mary, I..."

"Save it." Mary turned on her heel and headed to the door. Maul tried to stop her, but Mary wrenched her hand free from his grasp. "I didn’t ask you to intervene!"

"Stop." Qui-Gon waved a hand, and the door flew shut in her face.

Mary whirled towards him. "You dare!" she hissed, fists clenched.

For a moment I thought I saw impatience and probably more on the Jedi's face, but his voice was calm and respectful. No doubt decades of diplomatic training had their role in that. " _Please_ at least hear me out. Give me an opportunity to finish what I have to say." I don't know if he used any Force persuasion, but Mary stayed.

"I am listening," she said, releasing her fists to set the arms akimbo.  
  


**Sith diplomacy: Sue’s POV**   
  


Qui-Gon sighed. "I don't even know where to start," he confessed then. "I must apologize before all of you. It is wrong what I did. I, of all people, as a Jedi, should have had control, but instead I plunged headfirst into a relationship for which I don't still know if I am or you are ready. I saw your wishes, your needs, Sue — as I saw yours, Mary. I saw them, and they were the same as mine. Now, however, I'm in doubt. Don't mistake me," he looked apologetically at Mary who was gradually relaxing, "I like, admire and love you both. You are different, yet complement each other so wonderfully. But suddenly I find myself doing what I've always known is wrong. You are part of this world, bound to it; we are strangers, and about to leave any day now. You know that. There is nothing that could bind us. I should have foreseen where such a relationship would take your feelings, but I ignored that. For some time I was able to deceive myself that it was just an arrangement of convenience for all of us; but it's more than that, is it not?" He paused to confirm what he already knew. "I could never have thought that one day I would have difficulties in making a choice, but here I am... There's only one thing I'm sure of, and that is, I'd never want to do anything that would hurt any of you. But it seems I've already done that."

Mary and I looked at him in anguish and confusion. "But it was _our_ decision as well, Qui-Gon," Mary said, "mine and Sue's. Who do you think you are, to bear all the responsibility and blame? Do _we_ have a say in this?"

"Naturally you do, "Qui said. "But as a Jedi, I cannot ignore the consequences of my actions. I should never have started this relationship; it was irresponsible. I should have..."

"Oh, shut up," I interrupted him. "You were _hardly_ the one to start it. We started it together. I can tell you why I did it," I went on, "I care for you _and_ for Maul, and it appears I care more than is good for my sanity. I understand you both have found me desirable. Which pleases me well. And not just for sex, but for the feeling of friendship and being cared for by you, and being needed by you. Therefore I made a choice — and you," I pointed at the Jedi, "and you too, Maul—" (Maul rolled his eyes and muttered "No prob with me!") "—came along with it." I swallowed. "I — we — took advantage of you at first, perhaps. If it offended or hurt you, I'm sorry. But I can't find it in myself to regret it. It may hurt. Who cares. That's how I feel. And your stupid Jedi responsibility won't change that."

"You are right," Qui-Gon admitted, and stroked my head briefly. "The problem lies with me. I find myself wishing for a deeper commitment, yet I cannot possibly do so now, I cannot choose one without hurting the other. Moreover, your world being as it is, I think there's very little chance we'd be able to return; I don't even think we should," he sighed. "We've interfered too much already. That is why I should have stopped you from the start."

"At the risk of offending us," I stated.

"That would have been easier to bear, for all of us," the Jedi countered.

"Is it _us_ that you're worried about," Mary asked sharply, "or the fact that you've put your precariously balanced political relationship with the Sith at risk?"

Qui-Gon shrugged. "I hardly care about politics, you should know that. I am just not sure there can be any _us_."

"Wait-wait-wait, Jinn!" Maul said. "What do you mean no us? But of course there is us. And they will come home with us, both of them."

We all stared at him. "Whatever gave you the idea?!"

Maul shrugged, as if we could not see the most obvious thing. "But you _are_ our women, are you not?" When nobody answered, he furrowed his brow. "Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t need to belong to someone. You own this house. Accepted. You earn your own money. Accepted. But you can’t have this freedom of choosing any man you happen to set your eyes on!"

I slitted my eyes. "You too? Don't you want me? Or you are just jealous?"

"I've made you mine," Maul said it as if this fact were a self-evident natural law. "You follow me now."

Mary didn’t let the man baffle her. "The fact that Sue and I took the liberty to take what we wanted does not make us any more yours than you are ours. Why do you take it for granted that we will follow you? Why don't you ever consider following us?"

Maul looked at her with what was a perfect Qui-Gon-like thoughtful calm. "What possible life could I have in this mudhole of a world?"

Of course. By now we were so used to him that we almost forgot the little competitive disadvantage of having horns. "You are right. Sorry."

"So you _will_ come with me, and be mine forever." Sighing at our ignorance about what he counted as correct relationship between adults he turned to me. "Sue, you too. If Jinn balks — well, it is his problem. _I_ would gladly have both of you all to myself."

"I think it is a dangerous idea, Maul," the Jedi said stiffly. "Do you understand what you are asking? You want them to give up their whole lives. Besides, they are complete strangers to our galaxy. They know nothing, they cannot operate there. Just what do you think you are offering them?"

"I was asking Mary and Sue, not you."

"Maul." Mary spoke up again, as she got aware that the Sith had retreated. "As things are now, Qui is part of us. And we are his as much as we are yours. Also, I don’t want to waste time with meaningless bickering who-has-a-right-to-belong-to-whom. There is a very natural deadline of all decision-making: when the Infiltrator is ready, you two will want to leave this place. But my heart is with both of you."

"That's what I'm speaking about," Qui-Gon said. "Is there any future for this? I do wish you would come with us, but my wishes may not coincide with what is best for you. Would _you_ be willing? You have much to lose, either way. As for me, I do not want to end this relationship here and now, but I have no right to ask it from you, when I can offer you hardly any assurances."

"Are you afraid to face it, Jedi?" Maul bared his teeth in the boys' old spirit of antagonism.

I had enough of it. For some reason, we didn't seem to be able to speak coherently about one topic. "Okay, okay, shut up, all of you!" I yelled. "Sit down and take a deep breath. Stop blabbering. Try to make things clear for yourself first."

Qui-Gon smiled and sat back on his stool. "You are right, of course. What we all are suggesting is a four-way relationship. Unorthodox, admittedly. But not totally unknown." He threw a glance at Maul. "The question is: can we do it?"

"Things are very clear for me," the Zabrak muttered. "I have found something that I do not owe my Master, and I intend to keep that. For more than just a short time."

"Oh, is that a proposal?" we laughed after digesting this interesting and touching insight into the character of our striped lover. "You are supposed to ask if we will accept you at all. On one knee, if possible. However, considering all aspects of a long-term relationship, how would _you_ get along, once you are back in your homes and all your Masters, Missions and Duties come upon you like a swarm of mynocks?"

The Sith Lord nodded once, stared out of the window for a time, stroking Mary's arm absently, then nodded again.

"I want you," he finally said to Mary, nuzzling the back of her neck, "and I want you," he put an arm around me and pulled me closer. "If a certain Jedi master is what I get with the package, I can live with that. He's not the worst that can happen." Then he snorted and huffed a small, half- abashed I-can't-believe-I-just-said-this laugh.

The word "Jedi" bore no more Maul's usual disdain. In fact, he had recently grown shamefully close, for a Sith, with that "certain Jedi master", discussing many things with him, swapping stories of their respective training methods, occasionally even seeking his opinion. It was not hard to see that he respected the older man for his wisdom, calm and power, just as Qui admired the Sith for his fiery, indomitable spirit and warrior's sense of honour. That Maul still showed an urge to show that "certain Jedi master" his place was simply their way of communication.

We all laughed. "Thank you," Qui-Gon said. Then, after a pause, he added: "I suppose you won't want to skewer me any time soon, then. You realize I'll be watching over you? You may find yourself restricted in your dark activities."

"And you can no longer be a true Jedi," Maul smirked back. A pair of golden eyes met the blue ones and they held their gaze for a second. Then Maul slapped the table. "Enough babbling. Let's do it the quick way. A foursome. For the record, Mary, yes or no?"

"For a time being…"

"We'll speak about it later," Maul waved her words away. "For now, just say, yes or no."

"Yes."

"Sue?"

"Yes."

"Jinn?"

"Yes."

"Good. Yes from me as well. That's it then. Now would you please continue this hair business." And content for once to be the one to settle things, he opened another can of beer and swung himself on the table to watch the show from a figurative box seat.

*****

It took longer than I thought, but eventually Mary stepped back to watch the result. Her grin told us how much she was pleased with what she had done. In fact, I agreed — a good job, and a totally droolworthy result. When his longhaired and bearded face stood for power and dignity, what did his now revealed handsome features stand for? Agility and ... romantic character? My thoughts drifted away...

Qui-Gon left the chair and went to the mirror at the opposite wall, running his fingers through the unfamiliar short hair and over his naked cheeks, feeling the chilling touch of the air again after years of being covered by his beard.

Maul had followed the whole procedure of hair cutting and shaving with a mixture of interest and smugness. Now he jumped of the table and joined the tall Jedi in front of the mirror.

"It seems, Jinn, with a little more effort we could even make a quite acceptable Zabrak out of you. But I like it." He reached out his hand and touched curiously the bare face of the addressed, running the tips of his fingers over the smooth, still wet skin down to Qui's chin to turn the head in his direction. For a moment the two glanced at each other motionless, then Maul stretched a bit and his slightly parted lips slid over Qui's for a brief kiss.

"In the name of Elektra Pendragon, what do you think you're doing?" Mary abruptly stopped plucking the wire-hard residues of the Jedi's beard from her skin and glared at the boys. " _I_ am here for you to kiss!" she yelled.

Two pairs of amazed eyes looked at her. "Jealous?" But then she was gathered in a very grateful and enthusiastic double embrace, while I slipped out and escaped into my room, chased by a nightmarish foreboding.

So far it had been a game for me, little more than a summer-love. Now, suddenly, I was absolutely scared. If _that_ was any indication, what other alien ways I might have to put up with in this relationship?  
  


**Sweet bribery - Mary's POV**

Finally — all too soon! — the day was there that the boys said the ship was flyable. There were still things to do, some adjustments here and there. After dark the boyz disappeared to the ship, saying they would be back in two days. So we tried to do all sorts of work about the house: the washing, cleaning, whatever, just to make the time fly past and not to think about the day when either they would leave.

The following evening I was working at the computer, Sue was lounging out on the veranda stairs, when she suddenly shouted frantically: "Mary, Mary! Come here! Come quick!" I rushed outside.

The familiar curved-wing silhouette of the Infiltrator was clearly visible against the dark and cloudy autumn sky. It descended in an arc, flew over our village and rose again into the sky proudly, its green aft lights glowing. Yes, that was it, the deadly and effective ship of the Sith apprentice! It flew relatively quietly — we didn't hear more than a slight whistling whine —and manoeuvred swiftly. Nothing like our earthly jet-fighters whose inferior quality was proverbial. It was a beautiful sight, and left us shivering. The ship climbed higher and higher into the sky, and it took only seconds before it disappeared. For several minutes I stood like paralyzed. Was that it? Did they really leave, without saying goodbye?

Then we saw it dart across the sky once again, so high up that it was barely visible. "Just testing," I calmed my racing heart, "just testing." We waited for some time, hoping that the ship would come for another pass over the village, but it didn’t.

Later in the living room I mused how cruelly the world was made: every beginning carrying the germ of its end.

"Now you’re the fool," Sue patted my shoulder. "They can’t stay forever. Everything must have an end."

I grinned — she cured my unreasonable fit of desperation by throwing my own words back at me. "Wrong, Sue. Sausages have two." She answered with a smile.

*****

I was in the middle of a complicated dream with lots of trains to ride and stairs to climb — it must have been long past midnight — when muffled voices from the next room awoke me.

The boyz? Curious, I got up and shuffled to the other room. The lights were up there, hurting my sleepy eyes. Yes, they stood there, still fully dressed, their cloaks wet with rain, and both very excited.

"Ah! We didn't mean to wake you," Qui-Gon said.

"You' re ready to go," I voiced my innermost feelings. Sue appeared at my side.

"Yes. After a week."

We were silent for a moment. Then Maul produced a tiny semi-transparent object of deep amber colour, twinkling under the lights like a liquid drop of fire.

"Ssso," he hissed. "My very own Mary, take this and wear it for me, until I can get you something better." And he carefully placed the tiny thing in my palm.

Qui-Gon had another one for Sue. What we were holding gingerly were pendants, pleasantly smooth yet oddly vibrant under the fingers. A very thin silvery wire run along its sides, forming letters — on the one side the Aurabesh, on the other side jagged, spidery letters the like of which I had never seen. I guessed they were Zabrakian. On one end, the same wire was neatly spun to form a loop. "That is beautiful," I said. "It feels so… odd."

"Those are parts of a broken stygium crystal from the ship," Qui-Gon explained. "With some Force. The crystal absorbs and reflects the Force in a very unusual way, which causes the vibration you feel. We thought it wise to mark you as ours in a more civilized way, instead of the bites and scratches that you seem to prefer."

Sue smiled and hugged him. "Lovely. Did you make them for yourselves too? We'd like to have you 'marked' as well." She parted the Jedi's tunics to discover a similar pendant hanging from a black cord.

I frowned slightly in confusion. "Why..."

"These are for our mutual agreement," Qui-Gon said, smiling, but did not explain any further. Maul smirked back to him, and said nothing, and we didn't pry. But I guessed from their faces that it had to do with what would happen once their self-imposed or Force-imposed vacation ended and they would be required to resume their duties as enemies by profession. If it meant what I thought it meant, our foursome relationship was cemented better than any marriage ceremony could have done it. They had made their choice — and they had chosen our family, they had chosen each other.

No need to say I was happy for that. Sue seemed to agree; she kissed her Jedi just above the crystal pendant and pressed herself comfortably against his tall frame, at the same time sending Maul a warm, still sleepy smile. I attached the pendant to a thin silver chain I was wearing around my neck.

"Do you now trust us enough to come with us?" Maul asked then. Obviously, the question had been bothering him for some time now.

"A persistent one, aren't you?" I smiled, pulling off his wet cloak and hugging him. We had not really talked about that possibility, after it was first seriously mentioned. After all, our home was here. Although, on the other hand, it was customary to leave the father's house and move to the husband's... But these homes were supposed to be close, at most a phone-call away, not in some other galaxy. I guess the thought made us both nervous.

On the other hand, a nice vacation trip would do just fine, spiced with space adventure and all. And a couple of gorgeous boyz. What food for thought, dreams and inspirations when we got back...

"Hmmm — what do you think, " I blinked to Sue, "we could visit them for a short while, and then come back..."

"You are my mates." Maul wrapped his arms around me as if to prevent me from running away. "You will live with me."

"I thought we'd like to try it first, on a short trip — like getting to know you, tourism, sightseeing and things," Sue said.

Maul furrowed his brow, but then spoke up in a half serious, half joking tone. "What do you mean sightseeing? _I’m_ all the sight you need to see right now. And trust me, unlike those Jedi beggars, I can provide for you, so that you never need to work again. I would be willing and proud to do that." Suddenly completely serious, he continued: "Be honest: why would you need to — why would you ever _want_ to come back to this pitiable place?"

"What would I be in your world, Maul?" I retorted, perhaps more sharply than I had intended. "A snippet locked up in your house, perhaps? You would hide us from your world, because otherwise we would be a constant source of problems and embarrassment for you?"

"Enough." Qui-Gon said. "I'm afraid a _short_ trip is out of the question — it will take us a little short of a month to get there, another to get back. So there."

Maul let his hands wander over me, pressing little kisses on the back of my neck. Shivers of pleasure ran down my spine. "Please," he whispered in my ear. "Please. I'll be good, I promise. I'll never lock you up. Not in a week, not in a month, not in a year."

I melted. Of course — how could I resist such skilful persuasion? "Okay. I'm with you, boys."

Sue also agreed, albeit hesitantly.

"If it doesn't work, I promise I'll see to it that you can come back," Qui-Gon reassured. Sue seemed relieved.  
  


**La Grande Finale: Mary's POV**   
  


_Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen:  
Verweile doch! du bist so schön!*_

None of us could really sleep that night. We made tea and sat around the table for a while, making plans and drawing up lists of things that we needed, and things that still needed to be done here. When we finally went to bed, it was almost morning, and I was too exhausted to think of anything, so I just fell asleep, listening to the constant, reassuring rhythm of my striped lover's heart.

The morning came, bright, crisp and golden, and with it, our spirits were lifted. Autumn sun shone through yellow leaves, not really warm any more, the yard was all muddy from the night's rain, and the air was chilly. From the distant fields where flocks of cranes gathered we heard their mournful whooping. "It is time, it is time!"

The boys were excited about getting back home, and that excitement was fairly shining out of them, and seeing them happy was the most beautiful thing I knew at the moment. We sat on the veranda, watching them, and as Maul saw us watching, he threw a spectacular somersault, and then walked in a very distinct swagger. "Well, someone is definitely feeling like an alpha male," Sue giggled. It was sheer pleasure to see them, as they moved about the house and the yard, doing things. Our beautiful warriors. And oh how I loved them both.

The summer was over. And what an unusual summer it had been. One of unexpected adventure and flaring passion, joy, disappointments and new discoveries. A whole life in a summer. And one that had opened another door for our future, that we would never have imagined was there. I was excited, I was scared, I was — completely, utterly, unquestionably happy.

Sue looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. She winked at me in complete understanding.  
  


**The End?**

 

* _If to the moment I shall ever say: "Ah, linger on, thou art so fair!" (From Darth Faust by Darth Goethe, translated by George Madison Priest)_


End file.
